BAD NEWS FOR ASHLEE SIMPSON • "On the heels of the Olympics Opening Ceremony, for which the cute little singer was revealed to be lip-synching, the Chinese Ministry of Culture says it will name and shame artists who fake it when performing — and repeat offenders could lose their license to perform. According to the Ministry's website, artists must not 'use pre-recorded songs or music to replace live singing or instrument playing' to 'cheat the public.'"
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Buy Spam! We're now so poor that the devices we've created to tally just how poor we are don't work anymore.
EH, WE STILL DON'T BUY IT "The International Gymnastics Federation has ruled that China did not enter any underage gymnasts at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, the Associated Press reported on Wednesday. 'Originals of official documents received from the Chinese Gymnastics Association, specifically passports, identity cards and family booklets or Household Registers, confirm the ages of the athletes,' the International Gymnastics Federation said in a statement."
THE SCRAMBLE FOR CHINA'S HEARTS AND MINDS "When the Beijing Olympic Games kicked off two weeks ago with a four-hour spectacular, more than 840 million people in China tuned in, perhaps the largest television audience in history for a single event. The broadcast was the first in a series of Olympic bonanzas for China Central Television, or CCTV, one of the chief propaganda arms of the Chinese state and perhaps also a new global media titan. … The company is … a model of how the Communist Party in China manages to keep state-owned companies profitable as it moves the nation toward a market economy with less government influence. That the biggest corporations in the world are bankrolling that evolution — as well as party propaganda — is one of the ironies of modern China. … Its advertisers include Procter & Gamble, Coca-Cola and Adidas. It has cut television and marketing deals with the National Basketball Association and IMG Worldwide, the global sports and entertainment giant."
IT'S ABOUT TIME "The International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed to The Epoch Times today that it has asked the International Gymnastics Federation to investigate the Chinese gymnastics underage fiasco, following new evidence that at least two gymnasts competed under the legal age in the Olympics."
JUST A THOUGHT How awesome would it be if, instead of extolling the merits of McDonald's, Michael Phelps used his current ubiquity to better publicize the notion that it's odd to hold the glorious, triumphant, ancient Olympic Games in China, a country that gets rid of freethinkers? It's not gonna happen, but wouldn't it be fantastic? Oh well—yay, McDonald's!
OLYMPIC FEVER! "Two elderly Chinese women have been sentenced to a year of 're-education through labor' after they repeatedly sought a permit to demonstrate in one of the official Olympic protest areas, according to family members and human rights advocates. The women, Wu Dianyuan, 79, and Wang Xiuying, 77, had made five visits to the police this month in an effort to get permission to protest what they contended was inadequate compensation for the demolition of their homes in Beijing."
America got slaughtered last night by China in the Olympic baseball games, which does exist. Not "slaughtered" like China kicked the United States' butt (they didn't, America won 9-1….GO U.S.A.!). Slaughtered like "did that batter just get hit by a Chinese pitcher again?" Yes, yes he did, but only because he was involved in taking out the Chinese catcher.
Watch video of the traumas below (which included a batter, Matt LaPorta, given a concussion, for eff's sake):
SHADY BUSINESS "Just nine months before the Beijing Olympics, the Chinese government's news agency, Xinhua, reported that gymnast He Kexin was 13, which would have made her ineligible to be on the team that won a gold medal this week."
ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW "As China hoped, the world did tune in for the start of the Beijing Olympics with various polls on Monday estimating about one billion people, or 15 percent of the world's population, watched the opening ceremony. The four-and-a-half-hour spectacular drew a record audience for an Olympics opening because it was watched by a majority of Chinese viewers, fired up after seven years of preparation and campaigns about the national importance of hosting the Games. Various pollsters issued different viewer estimates but suggested about 842 million of China's 1.3 billion population watched the ceremony and were joined by other audiences around the world to take total viewer numbers to around one billion."
"It took exactly one day after the publication of Angelina Jolie’s new babies' pictures for rumors about Jolie wanting another child to begin. Supposedly her next one will be adopted. From China."
The Chinese are learning so fast, aren't they? First they got better than us at killing their own people, then they got better than us at making money and now they've surpassed us in frivolous litigation!
More than 1,000 Chinese earthquake victims and a New York lawyer are demanding a $1 billion payout from Sharon Stone — or maybe just an apology, the New York Post reports.
The "Basic Instinct" star was recently served with legal papers announcing attorney Ming Hai's intention to sue her for harming Chinese people when she suggested the catastrophic quake last May was "karma" for the regime's occupation of Tibet.
"For the families who have lost their loved ones or lost limbs or suffered severe injuries, your … statement and act has caused extreme emotional distress," Ming wrote …
Look, more than anyone, we believe Sharon Stone deserves to be punished, but a billion dollar lawsuit? Can't all of China just agree to get together and laugh at the batty actress until their collective stomach vibrations cause a tidal wave that sinks LA, and thus Stone's home? That's much more creative, not to mention poetic.
CHAIRMAN MAOSE "Entertainment giant Walt Disney on Monday said it had not yet reached an agreement with the Chinese government to build its first mainland China theme park in Shanghai. A spokeswoman was responding to questions about a report that it was expected to open a 10-square-kilometre (6.2-square-mile) site near Shanghai's Pudong airport as early as 2012. 'We have a continuing dialogue with the government about all aspects of our business, including theme parks, but there is no announcement and no deal,' Disney spokeswoman Alannah Hall-Smith said."
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