• Hilary Swank does a pretty spot-on Ellen DeGeneres impression. [ICYDK]

• Gerard Butler left Kate Hudson's Halloween party with two "sexy" vampires. Ugh. [INO]

• Mariah Carey's new music video could put toddlers to sleep in 5 seconds flat. [DListed]

• Cindy Crawford makes a great Amy Winehouse. [Yeeeah]

• Halle Berry's new haircut. Alert the media! [PS]

• Hugh Hefner's former Top Bunny before she made it big (pun intended). [HT]

Miley Cyrus shut down Disneyland Sunday in celebration of her 16th birthday … which is on Nov. 23. Why she wanted to celebrate seven weeks early is beyond us, but the teenager has more money than any of us will see in our lifetimes, so who are we to argue with her logic? The party featured a performance by father Billy Ray Cyrus and four songs from Miley. This sounds awful.

Guests in attendance included Miley's 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston, David Archuleta, Steve Carell, Jennie Garth, Cindy Crawford and Jennifer Love Hewitt. We just lost a bunch of respect for JLH, because the other celebs have children — what was her excuse? Tyra Banks was also reportedly at the shindig but wasn't photographed. Um, what? Is Ty Ty OK? We don't believe this for a second. Why would she show up to a 16-year-old's birthday party if there wasn't a photo op in it for her?

[Source]

• This is a terrible rendition of a not very good song that can only be redeemed by lots of f-bombs. Sorry, Kel. [DListed]

• Despite the odds, Adam Sandler's daughter is very cute. [PS]

• "Man vs Wild: New York City" [CityRag]

• Madonna has upset adopted son David's biological father by saying it's "not even a possibility" David would have lived had she not swooped in to rescue the destitute Malawian boy. The baby daddy begs to differ. [ICYDK]

• One of Barbara Walters' crew members totally made Hannah Montana's toilet overflow, so Hannah sent Babs a golden toilet. Now it's showbiz history and the two gals both laugh at the incident. Oh, decline. [INO]

• Cindy Crawford doesn't age, and if you drink her blood you won't, either. Catch her if you can! [HT]

Celebrities make too much money. Subjective, sure, but probably true. Truer still is that very often those fortunes are wasted in inglorious, ill-planned blazes.

Allow us to introduce Civic Doody. Screw Birkin bags, time for money that counts: political donations.

CONTINUED »

Cutesy, cutesy!

• What an interesting way to call a man a "pussy." [BWE]

• Thanks for the El Debarge update, guys. I was starting to get worried. [DListed]

• This guy's lucky Friends is still on, considering Joey was canceled, though later than it should have been. [ICYDK]

• If she went this far without having the mole removed, I'd hope she wouldn't get breast implants. [HT]

• Was Owen Wilson on heroin? Is anyone giving him his privacy like he asked? Does he do heroin in private? [Yeeeah]

• Posh Spice fake nipples. [Source]

Cindy Crawford's son, Presley, is there on your right. Unlike his sister, Kaia, who was born of Cindy's gilded womb, Presley is the product of the collective thought-power of every pedophile with a glistening, verboten dream.

PS Please tell me deez kids ain't wearin' friggin' makeup!

• This is the best video ever. Watch it. Love it. Thank god there was no freak gasoline fight that ruined the careers of these strapping young men. [BWE]

• Dude, stop being so wrong, CNN. Madonna's rep denies baby adoption. [Us Weekly]

• Cindy Crawford and Pam Anderson take their lucky, lucky men to Hyde. Who knew what a show they'd be in for. [PopSugar]

• Must you, Mariah? [Egotastic]

• Christina Milian is cute, has two cute dogs. I'm sure she'd sell you one; I hear she's pretty strapped for cash these days. [The Bastardly]

• Mel Gibson is back on the Jesus Juice. [WWTDD]

• An American Idol loser is super vain. Guess which one. [CityRag]

• Tom Cruise wants his lady to have strong, strong arms and a toned back. [Yeeeah]

• Stripper shoes on anyone else are suddenly adorable on Christina Aguilera. [Smart]

• Mischa and Nicole are sad that they didn't get any attention today, have a fued. [A Socialite's Life]

• This photoshoot of Cindy Crawford's little girl is pretty unsettling. Gotta admit, the girl's got her mom's come hither eyes. [Faded Youth]

• John Travolta kisses everyone that way, dude. He's so not gay, just a slut. [Junkiness]

• Kissing girls isn't just for drunkenly trying to get guys to pay attention anymore for Jessica Biel. [Egotastic]

• Clawing at the last bits of fame will do wonders to a guy's sense of humor, eh, Norm MacDonald? [BWE]

• Britney Spears gave birth to her nameless boy in a room decorated like my grandmother's house. Creepy. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Michelle Rodriguez skinny dipping. If you squint, you can maybe see nipple. [CityRag]

• Speaking of mature starlets, guess who acted like a brat at her scary mother's birthday? [A Socialite's Life]

• Justin and Cameron broken up for real this time. Start the rumor mill, once more with feeling, folks! [The Bosh]

• Kim Porter can take Diddy's sleeping around, but fathering some other woman's child? Oh, hell no. [Celebitchy]

• Turns out, kids don't care where Madonna crucifies herself, just as long as she never blasphemes something important, like MySpace. [Junkiness]

• Russell Crowe knows that there's no pouting, brooding, or anger allowed in Williamsburg. [OAN]

• And the Award for Carefully Worded Quote of the Day goes to: Paris Hilton! [DListed]

• Jessica Simpson has two reasons for you to go see her new movie, and they're not her zany co-stars. [Egotastic]

• Tara Reid's new friend looks like he will need to be rescued with the Jaws of Life. [Celebrity Nation]

• Take a pill and look like Carmen Elektra, or something like that. [PopSugar]

• Happy Friday, watch Pamela Anderson and Cindy Crawford have a Lap Dance Off. [X17, X17]

• Cindy Crawford proves that you don't have need a Greek shipping heir to slut it up at a St. Tropez nighclub, cause a scandalously cut dress will do the trick just fine. [PopSugar]

• The only difference between E.T. and Victoria Beckham: Posh would never eat Reeses Pieces. [The People We Love To Hate]

• Rachel Bilson looks oh so pleased to be found shopping at Target. [Bastardly]

• Geez, someone give Mary Kate Olsen a phone book to sit on or something. Between the size of that car, and the tint of those sunglasses, it's a wonder she's not mowing down small children. [Teddy and Moo]

• Courtney Cox wants another baby? Now she's just rubbing it in Jennifer Aniston's face. [Junkiness]

• To add insult to injury, the lucky bastard who gets to hang out with Penelope Cruz in St. Tropez is wearing manpris. [A Socialite's Life]

• Kevin Federline was offered the role a sleazy drug dealer in a movie. Hey, if the shoe fits. [DListed]

• A picture of Suri Cruise! Or someone has decent Photoshop skills, either way. [PITNB]

• Paris Hilton's Bigfoot-esque qualities lead me to believe she sould retire to the woods for a while. [CityRag]

• While the jury's still out on the acceptability of Cindy Crawford's bralessness, I'm more worried about that god awful hat. [X17]

• The Firecrotch name lives on, at least in Paris Hilton's vernacular. [Defamer]

• In case you're too lazy to seek out nude Denise Richards photos online (hint: it's not too hard), she'll be posing again, this time for charity. [A Socialite's Life]

• Enter the contest to design Janet Jackson's new album cover, but you should probably stay away from any and all wardrome malfunction shots. [Faded Youth]

• Jennifer Aniston wants a Friends reunion. Aw, honey, even Matt LeBlanc thinks that sounds a little desperate. [Popwatch]

• Tori Spelling swings her implants on down to Broadway. [Celebrity Nation]