The Hollywood Film Festival awards gala was held last night in Beverly Hills, and we would have admittedly given our right arm to be there. Look at all those pretty men! There's Christian Bale, obviously, and Ryan Gosling, James Franco and Josh Brolin — and two newbies to keep your eyes on, Robert Pattinson (who will be starring in the upcoming Twilight film) and Chris Pine (who will play Captain Kirk in the Star Trek movie). We don't even care that Angelina Jolie made a surprise appearance to pay tribute to Clint Eastwood — there's too much pretty elsewhere.
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There hasn't exactly been a whole lot of Oscar buzz surrounding Spike Lee's new World War II film, The Miracle at St. Anna, but if there is and he doesn't get one, he'll know why. Lesson for those who want an Academy Award: don't mess with Clint Eastwood… or, better yet, move to Los Angeles.
New information about Hayden Panettiere's father's early morning arrest: Both Alan Panettiere and his wife, Lesley, were drunk when Alan punched her twice in the face with a closed fist after a night out at Beso, Eva Longoria's restaurant. Also, the violence may have been prompted by Lesley "chatting up" Clint Eastwood's son, Scott Reeves, leaving Alan feeling – in his words – "disrespected."
Mamma mia! Angry black man Spike Lee is getting a taste of his own opportunistic outrage.
After spending the past couple weeks hectoring fellow director Clint Eastwood with charges of prejudiced casting, Lee is now under fire from the Italic Institute of America, which is as bitter as Campari about Lee's portrayal of Italians.
According to Bill Dal Cerro, president of the Italic Institute of America, Lee may have his own anti-Italian racist tendencies to worry about.
"Spike Lee is very talented, but I sometimes wish he'd practice what he preaches," Dal Cerro said. "His points about African-Americans are well taken, but, ironically, he does the same thing to Italians in his films."
While Dal Cerro doesn't get into specific charges against Lee, we imagine he takes issue with the way a lot of the Italian Americans in Lee's films are fiery, Brooklyn-accented racists who would rather see their daughter's dead than with "some fuggin' moulignan." If you've seen Jungle Fever and Do the Right Thing, you know Dal Cerro has a point, but then again, you won't catch our wide nose in Bensonhurst at night.
After the jump, "Fuck you, fuck your fuckin' pizza and fuck Frank Sinatra."
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Just like you knew he would, Spike Lee has completely ignored fellow director Clint Eastwood's recommendation that he "shut his face," telling ABC News, "[Eastwood] is not my father and we’re not on a plantation either." (In case you're not up to speed: Lee said publicly that Eastwood was remiss in not including black actors in his last two WWII films, Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima.) Lee continued:
He’s a great director. He makes his films, I make my films. The thing about it though, I didn’t personally attack him. And a comment like ‘a guy like that should shut his face’ — come on Clint, come on. He sounds like an angry old man right there.
Angry, indeed, Spike, but the facts do a good job of explaining why, exactly, Clint's mad about being called an inaccurate bigot. Let's break it down:
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Aging, stubborn director fight!
In the black corner, we have the Afrocentric Spike Lee, upset because Clint Eastwood's last two WWII films, Flags of Our Fathers and Letters from Iwo Jima, had a dearth of black actors. In the white corner, Eastwood, who says Lee is, and always has been, an insatiable crybaby.
Here's the punches:
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A very pregnant Angelina Jolie dragged Brad Pitt to the Cannes premiere of her new movie, The Changeling. Either Angie is about to pop or there are even more babies in there than we previously suspected.
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• Big Brother's new "soulmates" concept has turned into an STD fest. (Video NSFW) [DListed]
• Tina Fey will host the post-strike premiere of SNL. You remember SNL? Neither do we. We think it was an ancient show enjoyed by our forefathers. [CityRag]
• Kirstie Alley has stepped down as Jenny Craig's spokesperson. Presumably because Scientology does not believe in weight loss. [People]
• Jimmy Kimmel will get revenge by f***ing Ben Affleck. Can we get in on that? [Us]
• Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard: Classy and classier. [INO]
• For as much drama as Diddy gets himself into, he't not the best with excuses. [TMZ]
• Lindsay Lohan's whorish charms don't impress Clint Eastwood. [OK!]
• This girl has the mark of the beast. [BWE]
In his new book on sexual facts, "Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?" just out from HarperEntertainment, Mitchell Simons reveals that Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis and Jerry Hall gave up their innocence at 14. Topping them are: Johnny Depp, James Caan and Jon Bon Jovi, who were just 13. Don Johnson was a mere 12. And Sean Connery confessed, "I was 8, but I can't recall with whom."
Eight! Absolutely not! We call bullshit on people who say they lost their virginity before 12. Especially when said people "can't recall with whom." Perhaps Connery's partner lived in Niagra Falls.
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So, what a surprisingly lame and tame Golden Globes, huh? Seeing as the whole premise of awards shows is just people who make movies telling their friends how fucking awesome they are, for those of us not working in films, it's tough to watch all these people kiss each other's asses and thank their agents without hoping for Anna Nicole to stumble to a mic with a Percocet-induced weepy rant. But everyone was being gracious and classy. What gives? I was even able to stomach Jamie Foxx and his bullshit strut for more than five minutes.
Not only were there not any Abdul-esque meltdowns, but what should have been the night's funniest acceptance speech from Borat turned into a really awful and graphic description of Sacha Baron Cohen having balls and ass on his face ("rancid bubble?" Yuck).
Anyway, as an homage to the Globes, I've created my own award: the Miseries. These are my awards for the Globe attendees who, in the face of global (Global?) adulation, are still able to remain noticeably uncomfortable, selfish and/or bitter.
The nominees are:
• Jeremy Piven's mother, who should seriously consider taking Cusack's side in the Piven/Cusack rift
• Bill Paxton, who plateaued as Chet in art-house flick Weird Science
• Clint Eastwood, who "can't stand this glitzy horse shit"
• David Spade, who is desperately in need of a new, fatter, funnier sidekick
• Chloë Sevigny, who doesn't function well outside of the Lower East Side or Connecticut
• Angelina Jolie, who doesn't function well outside of barren, war-torn nations
Ultimately, I think David Spade wins. Dude hasn't been really commercially successful in years, Heather Locklear just broke his wittle heart and his best friend/acting partner, Chris Farley, still can't be replaced. Now, they're making him wear a tuxedo? I'm with you, David. Be glum, chum.
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