NO TIME FOR MISCHA "Mischa Barton will escape doing time … by accepting a plea in her DUI case. People reports that she will plead no contest at her DUI arraignment this Thursday. In exchange, the weed possession charge has been dropped and the driving without a license charge has been reduced to an infraction. Mischa will pay a fine of $1,700, complete a three-month alcohol-education class and serve 3 years of unsupervised probation."

The jury in the inquest to decide how Princess Diana and her boyfriend, Dodi Fayed, came to be in a fatal car crash in 1997, returned a verdict today of "unlawful killing." The jurors ruled that the combination of Diana's driver's negligence and the paparazzi tailing her was the cause of her death. Nobody is being charged with anything, as the $6 million hearing — paid for with taxpayer funds — is more a public criticism than a trial.

THIS NATION OF OURS "The Justice Department has taken on the role of the FCC’s enforcer, filing a lawsuit Friday against Fox and Sinclair Broadcast Group to collect $56,000 in fines levied in the long-running indecency case involving Fox reality skein 'Married by America.' The Justice Department’s unusual move came on the same day the FCC rejected Fox’s request for a review of the FCC’s most recent decision to fine a handful of Fox affiliates for carrying the sexually charged reality program in a timeslot in which the FCC has indecency enforcement authority."

The Hogan saga continues this week with a lawsuit filed against 3/4 of the clan. The family of John Graziano, the passenger in Nick Hogan's vehicle on that fateful August day when he wrecked his car in a street race, filed a suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick, alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the crash.

In the suit, [Graziano's court-appointed guardian Peter] Musante alleges that Nick negligently operated his Toyota Supra by racing another man in a Dodge Viper, a car also owned by Hulk. The suit claims the Bolleas were aware of Nick's need for speed and knew that he had souped-up his vehicle for the purpose of racing.

Musante also says Hulk purchased alcohol the day of the accident — August 26 — and that Hulk 'knew or should have known' Nick was driving under the influence of the crash and he failed to take appropriate action.

The Hogans are also responsible for Brooke's music career. Can we hold them liable for that, too? Better yet, let's do another series of Hogan Knows Best, but this time it's in a remote location and there's no cameras. And also, there's an explosive of some sort.

[Source]

DOINK DOINK "Ravi Batra, a Manhattan lawyer, filed a lawsuit in 2004 against Dick Wolf, the creator of [Law & Order], arguing that the plot of a November 2003 episode included an unsavory character, Ravi Patel, who is modeled on Mr. Batra. In a decision made public on Wednesday, Justice Marilyn Shafer of State Supreme Court in Manhattan rejected a motion by Mr. Wolf’s lawyers to dismiss the lawsuit."

After taking Paul McCartney to the cleaners to the tune of $50 million, Heather Mills, sore winner that she is, proceeded to throw a glass of water all over the music man's coiffed solicitor, Fiona Shackleton. Nasty! But check out that British stiff upper lip on an unfazed Shackleton. The wet look suits her, no?

Vegan gold digger Heather Mills won $50 million today in her divorce from third-best Beatle Paul McCartney. $32 million of the settlement will be given to Mills in cash. "I am so, so happy," she gushed outside the court, so, so unnecessarily.

We're didn't go to law school, but this doesn't make much sense:

it's probable the State court has lost jurisdiction in the Britney Spears conservatorship case.

Sources at the L.A. County Superior Court tell TMZ, 'It's possible jurisdiction has shifted to the U.S. Federal District Court.' How, you ask? Well yesterday, a lawyer filed legal papers in federal court asking a judge to seize control of the conservatorship case on grounds Britney was at great risk in the L.A. County Court system.

The sources say just by filing the paperwork, the federal court probably has obtained jurisdiction.

How hard is it for anyone to decide whether Britney is capable of taking care of herself? And if that's not what's at stake here, who would honestly trust anyone that's not related to her? This should be an open and shut case.

…But that's why we're bloggers and not lawyers.

[Source]

LAW & ORDER SENTENCED HIM WEEKS AGO "A construction worker has pleaded guilty to the manslaughter of actress Adrienne Shelly, star of films such as Waitress and The Unbelievable Truth. District Attorney Robert Morgenthau said Diego Pillco had admitted killing her when she caught him stealing her wallet at her Manhattan apartment. Pillco, originally from Ecuador, could face up to 25 years in prison. He has waived his right to appeal and will be sentenced in March."

GRAVE MISTAKE "More than four years after his death, John Ritter's relatives are taking their $67 million lawsuit to trial Tuesday, claiming the actor would have survived if two doctors had recognized his heart abnormality and not treated it as a heart attack. The procedure for treating a heart attack is the 'exact opposite' of what a patient with Ritter's condition would have undergone, according to legal papers filed by lawyers for the plaintiffs."

THE WORLD IS A GHETTO "A former top Hollywood studio lawyer and his wife were on Monday sentenced by a Los Angeles judge after admitting to mistreating their Filipino maid in a case of 'modern-day slavery,' a court heard…In passing sentence, [the judge] said [they] had treated the victim, former schoolteacher Nena Ruiz, worse than [a] dog. Ruiz was forced to eat three-day-old food and to sleep on a dog basket after working 18 hours a day. Over the course of several months' employment between 2001 and 2002 she was paid only 300 dollars…Ruiz finally fled after she was hit in the mouth with a water bottle in February 2002."

RIGHT IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD Apparently Danny Glover is even cooler than the Lethal Weapon franchise made him out out to be: "Danny Glover has been convicted in Niagara Falls, Ontario, for trespassing in a hotel during a union rally in 2006…The 60-year-old actor took part in the protest as part of a larger campaign that aims to increase salaries and improve working conditions for hotel workers in the U.S. and Canada."

Having already served 84 minutes in jail as part of her plea agreement for a litany of misdemeanor drug and alcohol offenses, Lindsay Lohan must now spend two four-hour days in a morgue.

Her time at the morgue will be followed by two days in an ER. Both stints intend to "show [her] the real-life consequences of drinking and driving."

So start knocking them back in your Beemers, Los Angeles, otherwise Lohan might be stuck learning the consequences of red meat at every meal and cancer.

[Source]

Blake Fielder-Civil, Amy Winehouse's main mooch, today attended a hearing in his witness tampering trial. Winehouse was in attendance. She was described as "dazed" and "accompanied," the way a sick child might be.

Winehouse blew kisses to her husband-of-8-months, who was seated with the other defendants behind glass. She mouthed "love you" several times, and Fielder-Civil mouthed: "Are you OK?" Winehouse nodded, blew him another kiss and playfully stuck out her tongue.

As Fielder-Civil was led away in cuffs, Winehouse called out, ""I love you handsome, you gorgeous one." She was then accompanied out of the courtroom.

[Source]

BAD MEDICINE "Did Dr. Phil practice psychology without a license? That's the basis of a new complaint filed against the television personality, who has already faced an onslaught of criticism since visiting Britney Spears at Los Angeles' Cedars-Sinai Medical Center…McGraw is also accused of violating the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act. The complaint alleges Dr. Phil practiced clinical psychology without a license and further violated doctor-patient privilege by discussing the pop star's case with the media."

• John Mayer swears Jessica Simpson "loves Texas more than you know," which is an important endorsement…more than you know. [Jossip]

• Eddie Murphy already scared away another one. [DListed]

• Probably not pregnant because she's going out for sushi. If pregnant: shame! [INO]

• Tara Reid! Guess what sort of state she's in. [HT]

• Britney Spears is suing a photographer, meaning she still has lawyers working for her. Three years of law school and hundreds of thousands of dollars for that. Good decision, counselor. [ICYDK]

• Gwyneth might be preggeth. [Yeeeah]

• Robert De Niro's hotel will charge you $625 per night, but $500 will get you enough cocaine to make friends with someone from the Village with a foldout couch. Make the right decision. [CityRag]

NO MOTHER FOR YOUNG BOYS "A court commissioner decided Monday to keep in effect an order suspending Britney Spears' right to visit her two sons and keeping them in the custody of ex-husband Kevin Federline…Gordon scheduled another hearing for Feb. 19."

• "…Hilton has been sexually involved with Lindsay Lohan, Kimberly Stewart, Britney Spears and of course Nicole Lenz." [Queerty]

• Rock of Love 2 is now infecting the airwaves. [DListed]

• Britney Spears is finding it difficult to respect the guidelines given her by a court of law. [PS]

• Here is a purse that resembles breasts! Perfect for the woman who is crazy. [HT]

• Flared jeans are once again in fashion, and yet they're still not cool. [INO]

• Christina Aguilera has released footage of her wedding to fans. Watch it if you're obsessive. [ICYDK]

• Drew Barrymore et al were involved in a bar fight. Do tell! [Yeeeah]

• "WTF is up with Bruno from Dance War's way too tight pants…?" Couldn't tell you, we don't go anywhere labeled Dance Wars. [CityRag]