KEEP SENDING IN YOUR CRAZY FACEBOOK FRIENDS' STATUSES There's still time! We'll do a round-up tomorrow, so if you have any disturbing Facebook statuses from your sad Republican friends, send them in: whitney@mollygood.com.
Ralph Nader, public safety crusader and notorious wet blanket, skipped away with just one percent of the popular vote on Tuesday, a negligible amount that, thank Allah, bore no effect on the election (unlike the Green candidate's percentage in 2000). Upon being rendered meaningless by the general American opinion, the droopy-eyed, sad-assed Nader did what any bullshit attention whore does: he threw a disgusting temper tantrum, during which he tacitly called the President-elect an "Uncle Tom." Jeeeeeeeeezus, what a cheap prick!
After the jump, a video of Shep Smith taking Nader to task for his idiocy and making us feel queasy about having to agree with a Pox Newser.
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We don't know who's worse, the screechy McCain sociopath in clown makeup who wouldn't give Halloween candy to the children of Obama supporters, or her Obama fan neighbor who fought back with an "Obama for [Mercedes Benz symbol]" poster. ONLY ONE MORE DAY, FOLKS!!!!
Click through for the video clip.
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Transgendered boy queen Chris Crocker, who's looking more and more like the haunting spectre of a Top Model reject, went against his promise to quit YouTube and on Friday uploaded to the video sharing site an endorsement for That One, Barack Obama.
The whole thing is more or less a grating disaster, but it is nice to see a Democratic voter fighting idiotic faux patriotism with idiotic faux patriotism: "Anyone that's not voting for Barack Obama does not care about our country and is not American."
Full video after the jump.
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Here, in 136 words, is all that's wrong with America:
Tired of struggling to find enough teachers to staff its classrooms on the Friday before the annual Georgia-Florida football game, the Clarke County (Ga.) School District — which includes Athens, home of the University of Georgia — decided to cancel school altogether. According to area media reports, 137 teachers last year called in sick the day before the big game, and the district was able to find only 113 substitutes. School administrators studied the absences over the years and found a pattern — almost twice as many teachers call in sick the Friday before the annual game in Jacksonville, Fla., about 360 miles away, than on an average school day. So the district decided to call off school the Friday before the game. And Clarke County is not alone; the schools in nearby Madison and Oglethorpe counties also are taking the day off.
Joe the Plumber (ugh) is not signing on to do a country record deal, meaning the world will have to be bereft of his beautiful voice echoing off the walls of the Met and that chrome head of his.
Whatever, he has something better for you, America. Just because Sam "Joe" Wurzelbacher can't sing, doesn't mean he is totally without artistic merit. Just ask the guy who is going to end up ghostwriting his memoirs!
Famous country musician Sam Joe the Plumber has already ditched the people who got him to where he is, just like a proper no-talent, flash-in-the-pan prick. Good god is this ever getting depressing.
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Ooooooh BURN! Sarah Palin, the gun-toting ice bride who as of late has been calling Barack Obama "Barack the Wealth Spreader," seems to have forgotten that the policies of the Ice Planet Hoth, over which she governs, are rife with the very same socialistic practices she claims to hate soooooo much.
This from elitist Kuran The New Yorker:
The state that she governs has no income or sales tax. Instead, it imposes huge levies on the oil companies that lease its oil fields. The proceeds finance the government’s activities and enable it to issue a four-figure annual check to every man, woman, and child in the state. One of the reasons Palin has been a popular governor is that she added an extra twelve hundred dollars to this year’s check, bringing the per-person total to $3,269. A few weeks before she was nominated for Vice-President, she told a visiting journalist—Philip Gourevitch, of this magazine—that “we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs.”
SHARE THE WEALTH???!!!! NEVER, YOU COMMIE PIG WOMAN!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE PALIN'S IN THE TANK FOR OBAMA AND HIS COMMUNIST MUSLIN ANGRY BLACK CHRISTIAN BROTHERS??!!
I woke up this morning to find a text from a friend reading, "Texas A&M is making quite a name for itself this election season." I groaned and pulled the covers over my head in an attempt to avoid whatever my alma mater had done to shame itself this time, but eventually headed over to CNN.com to find out the news: The Young Conservatives of Texas on campus set up an Anti-Obama Carnival, encouraging students to throw eggs at a picture of Barack Obama (video after the jump). Well, at least this stunt wasn't as bad as the College Station woman (and possible Aggie) who carved the backwards "B" in her cheek, but it's not helping the stereotype that the town is a "Texas hate community that usually loathes any African American who can't score a touchdown."
So this is the final straw, and I'm taking it upon myself to defend a school and town I love in an attempt to explain the unexplainable: How, despite all logic, these conservative towns aren't all that bad. CONTINUED »
What is going on with Australia? We thought they were just fun-loving, rough-and-tumble party animals with a taste for bad beer, but we're quickly learning that perhaps the old saying holds true: once a nation of convicts, always a nation of convicts.
A month ago we told you about this kid, who broke into a zoo in the early morning and smashed reptiles to death with a rock before feeding them to a crocodile. Now, there's this:
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MAN SHOOTS TEEN FOR VANDALIZING MCCAIN SIGN "Angered that two neighborhood teenagers knocked over a John McCain sign on his lawn, an Ohio man allegedly grabbed a rifle and fired three times at the duo as they sought to drive away from his Warren Township home. Kenneth Rowles, 50, was charged with felonious assault in connection with the Saturday afternoon incident, which resulted in one boy suffering a minor bullet wound."
For our readers fortunate enough to not be in the NYC area today, I'll give you a short summary of what the weather is currently like outside: Hell. It's freezing, windy and rainy (and my umbrella may or may not have imploded during my walk to Jossip HQ). Granted, I'm from Texas so anything below 60 degrees weirds me out, but the overwhelming majority opinion is that today is one of those days where you stay inside as much as possible.
Enter the PETA crazies, who heard that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen would be at a Manhattan Barnes & Noble to sign copies of their latest book. No amount of bad weather was going to keep these people from lining up outside in those dumb Trollsen masks and frightening passersby.
One insane person's personal account of the protest, after the jump. CONTINUED »
Well aware that things aren't going well for their guy, Sarah Palin and a bunch of angry Iowa Republicans got together in Des Moines yesterday to whine about Barack Obama. While the vice-presidential nominee went on a crazy cat lady rant about how Obama's policies would make it so that the things a person buys aren't theirs (a lie, by the way), one of her supporter's decided to cut the chit chat and get right to the heart of the matter: "he's a nigger!"
Palin says nothing of the slur, a move that's cowardly at best and a tacit agreement at worst.
Video after the jump.
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CREEPY ACTOR FACING MULTIMILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT "Oscar-nominated actor Terrence Howard allegedly assaulted composer Tex Allen in a backstage beatdown as they worked together on Broadway's 'Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' last winter, according to a lawsuit. Now Allen, a jazz pianist and the brother of Debbie Allen - who directed the play - is demanding $5 million for his alleged fat lip, according to court papers. Allen claims the alleged assault ruined his music playing. The suit alleges that Howard confronted Allen … during a Jan. 24 rehearsal … and punched him repeatedly in the face and head. The suit does not divulge the reason for the fight."
The McCain-Palin crazy brigade reached a whole new level of nuts this weekend, when a female kook in Iowa, done up to look exactly like Sarah Palin, stood directly behind John McCain during his speech and ACKNOWLEDGED APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE WHILE MCCAIN SAID NICE THINGS ABOUT HIS RUNNING MATE!!!!!
Isn't it scary how little it takes for everyone in the United States to completely lose it? Over the past few months, it feels like insanity's been spreading faster than the zombie disease in 28 Days Later.
CRUISE TO HELP ROAST 'GLIB' LAUER "In June 2005, Today Show anchor Matt Lauer took Tom Cruise to task on live TV for the actor's controversial, anti-psychiatry, pro-Scientology beliefs, and in the process created one of the most memorable interviews in the long history of the morning chatfest. And now … the Oscar nominee may be getting his revenge by making a surprise appearance at today's Friars Club roast for the NBC star! While the Friars Club's official line is that Tom isn't scheduled to be part of the Matt-mocking, insiders continue to tell OK! that a super-surprise appearance by Mr. Katie Holmes is indeed in the works, and that it has been planned for weeks."
Click through for video for video of the infamous showdown, dear glib readers.
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Could Lucifer play a role in this presidential election? It may sound crazy, but one of the candidates in this race has publicly praised, even emulated, a writer-activist who himself paid tribute to Lucifer. That’s right, Lucifer, also known as the Devil, Satan, Beelzebub—you get the idea.
-Total moron James Pinkerton, writing on the Fox News Forum. Guess which candidate Pinkerton says has a close personal relationship with Satan's BFF?
OH GREAT GOD OF HOLLYWOOD, PLEASE, NOT THIS "As campaign managers for Sarah Palin plot last-minute tactics to get her elected, Hollywood bigwigs are convening strategy sessions of their own. Their goal: finding the ideal on-air vehicle for the vp candidate if and when she exits politics. … 'Any television person who sees the numbers when she appears on anything would say Sarah Palin would be great,' said veteran morning-show producer Steve Friedman … 'The passion she has on each side, love and hate, makes television people say, 'Wow, imagine the viewership." Although none of the execs has — at least as far as anyone is admitting — made direct overtures to the Alaska governor, they are readying their battle plans if she decides to give up her day job."
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