We didn't watch the entire Brad Pitt/Oprah interview because, frankly, how many times can one person listen to these people without punching a small child? It's the same thing every time, with random "uncool"s thrown in to keep us interested. But this show was actually interesting for a couple minutes thanks to one of the creepiest fans allowed on daytime television. Christina from California popped up via Skype to proudly reveal way too much Brad Pitt knowledge and then force the man to discuss his tattoos, which he was clearly uncomfortable doing. We're not sure why he flat out refused to answer her question, but the creepier she became, the more we understood. Good luck with that restraining order, Christina.

What a tangled web our bloody, shameful, slave-ridden American history has woven.

A genealogical study has found that silvern newsman Anderson Cooper's great-great-grandfather, Cornelius Vanderbilt, once owned Michelle Obama's great-great-grandfather, Jim Robinson, on Friendfield(!!!!!!!!!), a 3,000-acre plantation in Georgetown, South Carolina.

Whitney Tower, a budding author and cousin of Cooper's who still lives in Georgetown, has now invited Obama to visit Robinson's resting place at Friendfield. Obama has yet to accept the offer, probably because walking amid tremendous wealth tended to for decades by one's enslaved ancestor and people like him, many of whom are now buried underfoot, is equal parts infuriating, creepy and fucking depressing.

If her husband is elected, Michelle Obama would be the first First Lady with slave roots.

Update: Whoops! The Daily News has updated their article to include the information that the Vanderbilt family did not own Friendfield in the slave era, meaning Cornelius Vanderbilt never owned Jim Robinson—some other horrendous, lazy pig did.