Michael Lohan is back in the news for reopening his divorce case against Mother of the Year Dina. His reasoning? He claims Dina stole his idea for a reality show, name and all: "It's the exact same show I pitched. She even used my title." Of course the genius that is Living Lohan came from Michael — it was obviously developed through the power of Jesus.

He also takes issue with the fact that none of his kids have visited their grandparents:

[Dina] told me, 'It's up to the kids if they want to see their grandparents.' But she's made no effort to put them in touch or make this happen. That is the bottom line. My mother, Marilyn Lohan, was medevacked by helicopter to the hospital on Easter Sunday after hitting a telephone poll and tree. Thank God, she's okay, but the car was totaled. Every window blew out. My father went into heart failure again yesterday — and yet not one of the kids has seen him.

Here's the problem, Mike: You created a bunch of selfish monsters. Congrats!

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Little girl lost Lindsay Lohan recently had a rare moment of clarity. The freckled wunderkind reportedly told friends that she refuses to appear on her pimpy mother's new reality show. Instead, Dina Lohan's E! program, Living Lohan, will feature Lindsay's younger sister, Ali, and brother, Dakota, not to mention an explanation of why Lindsay is so goddamn sad.

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