Last night's season finale of Dancing With the Stars was only two hours but felt like eight, and was made even worse in the last half hour with a performance by teenage a-hole Miley Cyrus. We're going to venture out on a limb here and predict that the majority of the show's audience is in the older age bracket, so why on earth would the producers allow a seizure-inducing light show to take place for two and a half minutes? Surely this is against some type of health code.
SO LONG, FAREWELL • "Dancing With the Stars' Julianne Hough says she may be hanging up her dancing shoes for good. 'I won't be on Dancing this spring season. I don't know about the fall. Maybe, maybe not. We'll see. … I'm definitely going to focus on the music.'"
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FAMOUS BILLIONAIRES HAVE PROBLEMS, TOO • "Billionaire Internet entrepreneur and onetime Dancing With The Stars contestant Mark Cuban has been charged with insider trading. The Securities Exchange Commission alleges that in June 2004, Mamma.com Inc. invited Cuban to participate in a confidential stock offering after he agreed to keep the information private. Less than four hours later, he learned the company was planning to raise money through a public offering and that the stock price was about to fall. To avoid losses in excess of $750,000, he allegedly instructed his broker to to sell all of his Mamma.com stock."
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Dancing With the Stars inexplicably graced my television set yet again last night, but boy am I glad it did — something magical happened thanks to the producers' decision to make the contestants perform a group hip-hop routine. Cloris Leachman, the 82-year-old who has managed to stick around without doing much dancing at all, was obviously the most entertaining, but soap opera queen Susan Lucci also made me chuckle quite a bit. And my former boyfriend Lance Bass busted out some old school *NSync "Bye Bye Bye" moves (yes, I knew the dance, don't judge).
Despite the awesomeness provided by the contestants, I was left speechless after the routine had ended. I didn't want to talk about what I had just witnessed, because I'm still not sure exactly what the hell happened.
Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke took to the Ellen DeGeneres Show today to address the idiots who are calling her fat:
I was like, maybe I should just starve myself for four weeks just so people would shut up. But at the end of the day … I'm an athlete. I like to eat, I like to work out, and I like to feel healthy, and I feel healthy.
There is so much pressure — especially starting younger and younger — for girls to think they have to look a certain way. They're making themselves sick. … You don't have to be a size zero to be beautiful.
This is what everyone says all the time, but evidently it bears repeating because people still aren't getting it.
Cheryl Burke and Lacey Schwimmer, two of the female professional dancers on Dancing With the Stars, are being called fat by not only people in the media but also their male professional counterparts. Oh, come on. Are you kidding? These girls are NOT FAT.
Here's what dancer and professional ass Louis van Amstel has to say for himself:
If you want to gain weight, it's your prerogative. … But you have to deal with the consequences. [People] look at this show to be inspired and think, 'If I just work hard enough, I can look like that.' If they watch someone who's dancing her butt off and she's still heavy, they can be discouraged. You have to take responsibility.
And our dear, sweet, gorgeous Maksim Chmerkovskiy is also adding fuel to the fat fire:
When I first saw these women this season, I said, 'Guys, you know the camera adds 10 pounds. You have to do something about this.'
This is the most absurd, infuriating argument we've heard outside of the McCain/Palin campaign, but maybe we're just crazy. There's nothing fat about these girls, right? Right? Most women would kill to look like either Cheryl or Lacey and they've likely still inspired many viewers who really are overweight to get active and start dancing. To suggest otherwise is irresponsible and appalling.
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Dancing With the Stars has yet to really excite me, despite the fact that my former lover Lance Bass is still in the competition, but after tonight the show will grow even less interesting thanks to the inevitable loss of Cloris Leachman. The 82-year-old has been one of the most entertaining contestants of all time, despite the fact that she's far from the best dancer in the competition. In honor of our dear Cloris, here's a clip of her dancing the tango last night and channeling a "skanky ho" (her words, not mine). Her stuff starts at the 5:00 mark and continues in the clip after the jump, where she gives co-host Samantha Harris a mild heart attack.
We'll miss you, Cloris. CONTINUED »
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "My team is a bunch of freakin' hooganigans." — Heat, I Love Money
LIFE IS TOUGH FOR KIM KARDASHIAN "A distraught Kim Kardashian could not be consoled after being the surprise third casualty of Dancing with the Stars Tuesday night. … Once the cameras were off Kardashian rushed to the waiting arms of her family and immediately broke down into tears. Kardashian’s publicist followed the inconsolable bombshell around the press line with a box of Kleenex since, once the waterworks started, there was no stopping the outpouring of genuine emotion."
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "I feel like my uterus had a workout." — Brooke, Brooke Knows Best
• Kim Kardashian still doesn't know how to properly use her assets. [HT]
• Scarlett Johansson wants you to know she is not the Statue of Liberty. Common misconception. [INO]
• Why, Brad Pitt? Why? [PS]
• Brooke Hogan confirms that her breasts are real. That doesn't change the fact that she looks mannish. [Yeeeah]
• Kirk Cameron refuses to kiss another woman, even if it means being a diva on set. [DListed]
• The Mac guy finally wised up and split with Kirsten Dunst. [ICYDK]
Last night was the first time I sat through Dancing With the Stars, and let me tell you: American Idol it is not. I could watch Ryan Seacrest lead me through that nonsense five nights a week, but I can't imagine watching this ballroom competition on a regular basis for the next few months. The only thing keeping me around is the promise of future husband Lance Bass, who is also being wooed by his partner, So You Think You Can Dance alum Lacey Schwimmer. After dancing the cha cha, she confesses that she once believed Lance would marry her. Pshh, please.
And after the jump, my second favorite contestant, Cloris Leachman. Who knew the 82-year-old would inject some life into this drag of a program? CONTINUED »
The Kardashian family would like to remind everyone to vote in this season's Dancing with the Stars. Because, when all is said and done, this attention-whoring family knows what really matters.
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Behold the beauty of Dancing With the Stars' future champion, Lance Bass. We're pretty sure he's pointing his fingers and smiling with his eyes, which can only earn him extra points from the judges. Seriously though, we have a feeling it's going to be a battle of the divas this season: Susan Lucci, Cloris Leachman and Kim Kardashian are going to be tough competitors; the first two because they're awesome and the last one because she's a famewhore. Hopefully America will prove us wrong, but we've stopped expecting much.
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I don't watch Dancing With the Stars but it's looking like I'll have to this season, thanks to the participation of my former boyfriend, Lance Bass. The official cast was announced today, and it also includes Kim Kardashian, Jeffrey Ross, Cloris Leachman and Susan Lucci.
But enough about the D-listers: Lance has officially been on America's radar for 10 years thanks to *NSYNC's July 1998 Disney special. At right is a clip from the show that made me fall in love. Who knew 10 years later Justin would date and dump Britney Spears, Joey would appear on DWTS and host a karaoke show, JC would judge some dance crew competition, and Chris would completely fall off the planet. Congrats, Lance: You're following the path of all great boy band has-beens.
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