"MAJOR" DISAPPOINTMENT "Victoria and David Beckham haven’t been in the United States for a full year yet, but rumors that the couple and their kids might be heading back across the pond to their native England are heating up. David’s first season with the L.A. Galaxy — the team that has him under a mind-boggling $250 million, five-year contract — was a massive disappointment thanks to injuries that kept him sidelined during many games. Plus, there are reports that his whole family is in the U.K., and he wants to be closer to them. 'He’d be very happy if someone would buy out his Galaxy contract…'"
• This is probably inaccurate, but what if it's not! [SH]
• David Beckham is now sponsored by Sharpie, because at this point he'll put his name on anything. [DListed]
• Kim Kardashian makes a guest appearance on Entourage. Wanna bet she has sex with someone? Tortoise, possibly? [HT]
• Christian Siriano is already at the beck and call of Posh. [PS]
• Beyonce is set to star in an upcoming "thriller." Entitled Obsession, odds are the film will not be thrilling. [INO]
• Years after the fact, Sheryl Crow thought it was acceptable to publicly declare that Jennifer Aniston dumped Brad Pitt. [ICYDK]
• Fact: People are afraid of strong women. [CityRag]
Forbes released a list of Hollywood's most influential couples — and we have some issues with it.
Who shouldn't be on the list: Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Seriously? The only thing that couple influences is our desire to vomit. And then there's Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz, who we thought broke up three years ago.
Who should be on the list: Britney Spears and frappuccinos. If those two don't go the distance, there's no hope for any of us.
The full list, after the jump. CONTINUED »
KICK THE WORLD We thought his wife was the only careless clown in the family: "According to Soccer America daily, with reference to data provided by the British environmental group Carbon Trust, [David Beckham] is responsible for 163 tons of carbon dioxide yearly — compare that to the normal 9.4 tons the average Englishman produces. Beckham's Carbon Footprint — a measure of the impact human activities have on the environment in terms of the amount of green house gases produced, measured in units of carbon dioxide — may be the largest in human history."
• Two Girls One Cup set the bar for "viral videos" in 2007. Everything else is as boring as this. [BWE]
• Michael Bolton on the beach! Slow down, ladies, you'll wreck the bandwidth. [DListed]
• A look back at the Beckhams? Nothing to see here. [PS]
• Gossip Girl guy giving groovy, grotesque glances. [EBG]
• It's that pretty woman Paz Vega from that ugly movie Spanglish. [HT]
• Rather than mess up her toenail polish, Mary Kate Olsen risks stepping on a hypodermic needle. Priorities! So! Backwards! [INO]
• "Life’s great for Ivanka Trump, who admits there are real advantages to 'being young, blonde and, if you will, looking a certain way.'" We will not. [ICYDK]
• "So the homecoming queen has taken to fucking the school janitor." [Yeeeah]
• Jack Osbourne is still having trouble deciding on a face. [CityRag]
Just wike a wittew baby! What a cute wittew obsessive compowsive baby you are!
David Beckham is back on the pitch, at long last doing the job he is being paid a king's ransom to do. Because of the fact that age and athletic ability are inversely proportional, it is unlikely that the English transplant will be able to shake his latest nickname, All Talk, but it's even more unlikely that he cares. At this point, anyone who doesn't know that this man is a well-paid model is pathetic enough that they don't deserve to be let in on the sham.
To answer the question posed in early January by Forbes: No, David Beckham can not score for soccer in the U.S., which continues to struggle to break out of the second-tier of American professional sports.
With the Galaxy's season officially over and Beckham's playing time for the season said to be only 252 minutes, using his estimated $50 million annual income as a guide, we find that Mr Glass made off with about $200,000 every minute he was doing what he came here to do. Teachers in California make $56,444 all year long. Sinful! Let's hope their students take PE seriously.
• "Seriously, Columbus was retarded. To his death, he was convinced the mountains of Cuba were the fucking Himalayas." [Wonkette]
• Judy Jetson? [DListed]
• When the weirdo's away… [PS]
• Haven't Muscovites endured enough? [HT]
• Nice beret, jazzy cat! Too bad you're a big square. [INO]
• Kid Rock calls relationship with Pamela Anderson a "shit storm." [ICYDK]
• No shame in this. Taco Bell is delicious. [Yeeeah]
• JJ Fad! [CityRag]
Now that David Beckham is back stateside, what's he doing with his time? One hint: He's not playing soccer for the league he was paid tens of millions of dollars to popularize.
Halo3 is the fastest-selling game for the Xbox, and has caused many a die hard fan who enjoys shooting the crap out of others virtually to queue for hours to get a copy. When it was released last week, Becks was one of these fans - waiting his turn in line like everyone else. The games went on sale at midnight, and David bought a copy for himself and the boys and also for all twenty geeks in the queue with him.
Get out your pens, conservative economists, it's trickle-down-to-shut-ins economics in action. The money of athletic, American sports fans has found its way into the clutches of video game enthusiasts with loads of expendable time. Sweet revenge, yet again, nerds!
More Posh and Becks after the jump.
CONTINUED »
David Beckham rushed back to England from Los Angeles yesterday evening after his father, Ted Beckham, suffered a heart attack. To alert them of his absence, David called his employers at the LA Galaxy, who told him in a very sarcastic tone of voice to take all the time he needs.
[Source]
And just like that, he was gone:
The official line is "wait and see," but multiple sources say ballyhooed David Beckham won't be back on the soccer field this season.
ESPN soccer analyst Tommy Smyth, who has interviewed Beckham twice, [says]: "Even if [Beckham] were to recover, he would only be available to play 15 or 20 minutes of a 90-minute game. He would need a tremendous amount of training to get back into game form."
As if that weren't enough, his ex-manager is now crushing everyone's "elevate the profile of the sport" dreams with common sense.
CONTINUED »
According to the MLS club, Beckham is likely to be out for between four and six weeks…
Suddenly the £125 million he was paid to go over to the US looks an even more expensive deal than anyone first thought.
Supporters have been riled by his noshows, and the cynicism of those exploiting the Beckham phenomenon has started to cause a backlash among fans.
When Galaxy played away to New England, supporters could only get tickets by buying a "Beckham package" which included three other matches or attending in a large group - only to discover that Beckham was not going to play.
But don't get too down on the guy, he has "raised the profile" of the sport. Now, more football, baseball and basketball fans than ever before are absolutely certain that soccer is for candy-assed pretty boys who can't take a hit.
More limping under here.
CONTINUED »
This story must be quite old considering it calls David Beckham a Real Madrid midfielder (everyone knows he's sucking all over the pitch in LA now) but it's quite funny, and it goes well with the photos of yesterday's hyper-masculine soccer scuffle, into which Beckham dove glare first.
The England captain and Real Madrid midfielder was forced to call on his wife Victoria, a former member of the Spice Girls pop group, to help their son Brooklyn with a school assignment because the footballer found the sums too difficult.
“Their homework is so hard these days,” Beckham, 30, said in an interview with the Mail on Sunday. “It’s totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school, and you know I was like ‘Oh my God, I can’t do this’.”
Oh my God: He said "teached."
And what was Victoria's first reaction when her husband scored his first goal after a very trying transition period? Of course, she didn't even smile. Oh, I know she's "in on the joke," but when will she have a moment of satori and understand that the joke's not funny?
[Source]
David Beckham is expected not to renew his multi-million dollar sponsorship deal with Adidas when it ends next year. Sources believe he will instead sign a major contract with the largest sportswear supplier in the world: Nike.
Will David Beckham re-sign his $4 million-a-year contract with Adidas when it runs out in 2008? Insiders say it's not likely now that Nike is knocking down his new Hollywood door to lure him to its brand campaign. "Nike really wants Beckham, especially now that he's in the States," said the source.
Beckham has said that as long as his paychecks remain large and reliant on the busywork of tired children, he'll be proud to endorse either Adidas or Nike.
Biographer Andrew Morton, whose past work downshifts erratically from a book on Princess Diana to another on Monica Lewinsky, has now set his sights even lower with the staggeringly bad Posh & Becks. While mainly just prosaic and useless, the book also manages to be quite racist. Take a look:
…[T]hanks to his taste in extravagant clothes and jewelry, penchant for rap music and his flash lifestyle, the blond footballer should be considered an honorary black man.
In a longer, more vitriolic passage that I'll not deign to reprint, Morton also notes that David is rich, fussy with his hair and not smart; making him an honorary Jew, woman and Pole, respectively.
Editor
