Headline on Your Shoulders is like a caption contest but, instead of captioning the image given, you need to come up with a witty headline to accompany it. Keep it punny and—while it’s never preferable to share requests with Bill O’Reilly—we ask you to please, “keep it pithy.” And also, try to keep it interesting. What’s that mean? Well, let’s say the headline up above was “Gimme Headlines.” That’s a pun, and it’s succinct, but it’s not very interesting. Y’know?

Today's Headline on Your Shoulders winner is shaine:

Hoff Will Take Verdict Lying Down, Prostrate With Joy

Well done, shaine. Maybe Hasselhoff will buy you a couple beers.

New HOYS beyond the jump.

CONTINUED »

• Fergie's new single is an amalgam of Extreme, Pink and garbage (literal garbage, not the band). [DListed]

• Bud got busted with buds. [BWE]

• Joey Buttafuoco looks like butt. [Glitterati]

• I hope they didn't eat half an hour ago. [HT]

• Cameron says breakups hurt. Thanks for a scintillating interview I could have read in a middle school girl's bathroom. [ICYDK]

• Crow buys American. [Yeeeah]

• Demi wants Ashton to stop drinking? How 'bout first he concentrates on not being grating the instant you see his face. [CityRag]