Sorry, dude, but you're wearing sensible slip-ons and cargo capris with bows on the bottoms, and your face practically looks like the Nixon mask from Point Break. Time to hang up the ax and head to the early buffet. It's too bad you guys couldn't settle your differences years ago, but the "rockin' and rollin'" ship, as they say, has sailed.
Van Halen is back together with David Lee Roth. And now instead of mulleted but talented Michael Anthony playing bass, pretentiously-named Wolfgang Van Halen (the 16-year-old son of Eddie and Valerie Bertinelli) will be helping build the tired rhythms. Man, oh, man, I don't think there's been a worse development in music since the last Prussian Blue album dropped.
• America's Next Top Reason to Stare Uncomfortably If You See Her at a Bar. [DListed]
• Now she wants to expose breasts that aren't even hers. [BWE]
• Now how's she getting home from jail? [Glitterati]
• Jennifer Garner looks to have good balance. Seriously. [HT]
• If the goal is global domination, the LA Galaxy is a poor start. [ICYDK]
• David Lee Roth was promiscuous and sexually aggressive? I thought "Gigolo" a metaphor. [Yeeeah]
• Dog licking a cat. If you can imagine that, you don't really need to click on the link; if you can't, sit down and consider if such a life is worth living. [CityRag]
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