Gwyneth Paltrow's newest project, GOOP, sounded terrible from the beginning; however, our fearless leader, David Hauslaib, valiantly signed up for the advice-dispensing newsletter. The verdict: "It's insufferable."

This month's inspiration is devoted to natural ways to improve your life, like sleeping. "Sleep eight hours or more each night," the newsletter advises. "Do what you have to do to get to sleep; there are plenty of natural agents that work." Yes, because the reason most Americans aren't sleeping is because they have bad cases of insomnia. It has nothing to do with the fact that everyone is too darn busy to catch eight full hours of sleep. Thanks, Gwyn!

Click here for the full GOOP October newsletter and prepare to be enlightened.

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Perhaps we spoke too soon when we called for more honesty and personal responsibility in the world of celebrity. Because, while we doubt her truthfulness, Heather Mills' new, so-French publicist, Michele Elyzabeth, has made it her responsibility to personally address Mills' bad press in weekly video blogs.

They're insane, basically because the woman fights reductionism with reductionism in a suspect accent while stroking a linty dog. At one point, Elyzabeth calls Joy Behar an "absolutely horrible human being," before railing on The View and their Heather bashing. ("Like, who are they to have an opinion about what Heather should say or not say?" True!) Later, Elyzabeth has one word for anyone who would call her client's demeanor difficult: "Wrong." This woman is wondrous.

After the jump, meet David, a gay man well-versed in gesticulation who is there to support Mills and Elyzabeth.

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