IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME "[Larry] Birkhead will be showing off his parenting skills in a new reality show, to air on E! in 2009. He says Tori Spelling (who stars on So noTORIous with husband Dean McDermott) convinced him to do the show, telling him: 'Dean and I will support you. Why not? Your life is out there anyway.'"

Dean McDermott, the father of three who is currently in Tori Spelling's clutches, has something to say to the people who cleverly compare him to deadbeat and professional hanger-on Kevin Federline: "I take that as a compliment." No, seriously, he said that with a straight face.

Someone said when I first stared dating [Tori], I was K- Fed junior, they meant it as an insult. They thought I was after Tori for money and stuff. They thought that K-Fed was after Brit for money and stuff lalalala … and you know what? I said, ‘I take that as a compliment.’ I take that as a compliment, because every time I see K-Fed he is always with the kids. He seems like a really good dad, so it’s like, ‘Thanks for the compliment.’

Bwa! He seems like a really good dad? Really? Are we comparing him to Crazy Britney circa 2007 or perhaps a drugged-out hobo on the street? Are we grading on a curve? We desperately need to know, because no sane person would take being compared to K-Fed as a compliment. Something's not right with poor Dean.

[Source]

LOWERING THE BAR "Tori Spelling is writing a book tentatively titled Mommywood, a followup to her best-selling memoir sTori Telling. … Mommywood will focus on her life as mom to one-year-old son Liam and newborn daughter Stella with husband Dean McDermott."

Dean McDermott, the man who was somehow suckered into marrying Tori Spelling, was dragged along during a fabulous afternoon of shopping and pedicures. If I ever make my husband paint his toenails, I hope someone holds some sort of intervention.

[Source]

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER BABY "Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott welcomed their second child, a daughter, on Monday, People has confirmed. Stella Doreen McDermott was born at 3:13 p.m. in a Los Angeles hospital via C-section."

If you're in New York and you'd like to see the very worst it has to offer, reserve a table at the TGIFridays in Time's Square, order the Zingy Cheesy Scallop Poppers and then go see this:

Tori Spelling and hubby Dean McDermott appear to be Broadway-bound. The couple has been offered starring roles in "Chicago" and "are currently in talks," Spelling's rep told us.

After that, get liquored up, hop on an uptown train and start loudly counting your money.

More of the thespian under here.

CONTINUED »

It was a night to be remembered by Hollywood's B-Listers. (Okay, C…or maybe D? Do these people even get to be on any list at all?) Canada's MuchMusic Video Awards took place in Toronto last night, and boy did it look thrilling. There were performances by Nick Lachey, Fall Out Boy, Rihanna, Nelly Furtado, I don't know, possibly some other people. As you can see, blogger Perez Hilton was there, so there's that. Somehow Paris Hilton stumbled across the event, I'm not sure how, it must have been a mistake of some sort. There's more information and pictures of the beautiful people here, in the meantime I'm going to think of ways to make Paris' swag sweatshirt more funny.

Club Nicole Richie not seals.
Club Med gave me crabs not seals.
Clubs with single stall bathrooms are better for doing blow in not seals.

I'll keep working…