SHE'S KICKED DEPRESSION, NOW HOW ABOUT THE ALCOHOLISM? Emotionally stunted young actress Kirsten Dunst, who recently left rehab after battling "depression," is apparently celebrating her newfound happiness with some joyful, enriching boozing. Tipsters spotted her this week looking "appropriately trashed" at an LA bar called the Rubbish Bin.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, JACK "Alec Baldwin was so humiliated after an angry answer machine message to his 11-year-old daughter was leaked to the media, he contemplated suicide, according to new reports. The actor talks about the depression he spiralled into after the world heard his 'thoughtless little pig' comments, fired at daughter Ireland, in a new autobiography."

SPEARS REGAINS SANITY? "Britney Spears … has been celibate for the last 7 months but she doesn't care because she is out to find true love. Britney's previous outrageous sexual behavior could have been due to her bipolar disorder … 'With bipolar, you become hypersexual,' Dr. Drew Pinsky tells In Touch. 'Before Britney began treatment, sleeping around with different men could have been the result of the manic state she was in.' 'I am seeing the results of good psychiatry and good parenting,' Dr. Pinksy adds."

DO YOU BELIEVE HER? "Kirsten Dunst is opening up about why she checked into a Utah treatment center last year. 'I didn’t go to Cirque Lodge for alcohol abuse or drug abuse,' the actress, 26, tells E! in a new interview. 'I went there for depression.'"

In an effort to encourage those battling mental illness to seek professional help, Pete Wentz revealed he attempted suicide at the start of his career. Pete, who joins Mary J. Blige and Billy Corgan in the Half of Us campaign aimed at cutting student suicide rates, discussed his battle with depression:

The darkest moment was when we had just finished recording our major label record and two days later we were going to go to Europe and I felt completely lost and out of control. At that point, I'd seen some doctors and they were Hollywood doctors so they gave me a cocktail [of prescription drugs] but I was kind of the drugstore cowboy, so I took the cocktail the way I wanted to take it.

I got in my car. I remember I was listening to Jeff Buckley doing Leonard Cohen's [song] "Hallelujah" and sat there and took a bunch of [prescription drug] Adavan in a Best Buy parking lot.

And I called up my manager because I was, at that point, completely out of my head with Adavan. And I was talking to him and I was slurring my words, so he called my mom and my mom called me and she came and got me and we went to the hospital.

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As there was some doubt that this was actually Dennis Haskins, the actor behind Mr. Belding, this video should be conclusive enough to make you not only accept that it's him, but also make you tremendously sad and embarrassed for him.

The most cringeworthy moments are as follows, from least to most:
1. The lead singer calling him Mr. Belvedere
2. The lead singer calling him a "fucking pussy."
3. Dennis attempting a call and response rendition of the Saved By Bell theme, which nobody participates in.

It's crushing things like this—more than Alzheimer's, Medicare problems, etc.—that make me terrified of growing old.

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Old guy at the club is pretty bad. Famous old guy at the club getting props from clowns in too many bracelets is worse. But, famous old guy at the club jumping up on stage and straining so hard to belt out "Sweet Child O' Mine" that it looks like he's having prostate problems is practically unbearable.

Now I know how Zack was always able to pull the wool over this guy's eyes: he's fucking clueless.

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Surprise! Jessica Simpson has been seeing a therapist…and people are wondering why. The Enquirer's possibly false report says this:

"No one knows for sure what Jessica discussed, but it was clear that she was seeking help for something very troubling," said an inside source. "Her hand was trembling as she reached for the door, and she looked like she was desperately trying to fight back tears as she went back out to face the world."
Added another source: "It's anyone's guess what the real issue is."

Oooo-kay. If people can't figure out why Jessica Simpson is maybe a bit troubled these days, I think we have larger societal issues on our hands.

Folks, if we're all going to butt our pathetic heads into any and all celebrity business, we may as well accept the consequences–sometimes our abused stars get sad, too. At points like this, it's best to complement pictures (Jessica, your lips look natural) and take one step back, because if nothing else it gives us a better full body view.

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