• Just in time for the weekend: Drunk celebrities! [CityRag]
• DMX is behind bars. Try to hide your shock. [ICYDK]
• Pete Wentz can't stop being a d-bag. [DListed]
• Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears organized a mini family reunion, and somebody forgot to leave Lynne off the invite list. [PS]
• The latest celebrity to join Scientology. [Yeeeah]
• Jamie Kennedy can't keep it in his pants. [INO]
• Joel McHale makes Heidi Montag's new video tolerable. [DListed]
• Kath and Kim is going to basically be a Britney Spears spoof, right? [PS]
• DMX plans to charm his way through the legal system. [ICYDK]
• Someone attempts to understand Mariah Carey. [CityRag]
• Amy Winehouse achieved every girl's childhood dream: The Worst Skin Award. [INO]
• Nobody wants to hear about Jessica Simpson's flatulence issues. [Yeeeah]
In what has rapidly become the worst idea ever, DMX announced he will star in his own reality show. DMX: This Life of Mine will follow the rapper as he reads to children, volunteers at the local animal shelter and redecorates his home. Just kidding, it's going to be all about his 582 arrests. DMX says he hopes people can see "what really goes on in my life." Uh, buddy? We've seen your six arrests in 2008 alone. What else could you possibly have been doing?
• The new 90210 promo seems fresh and innovative. Just kidding, it's more of the same. [DListed]
• Sienna Miller's mother thinks we're all terrible people. Hey, we're not the ones who raised her. [Yeeeah]
• We get that Selma Blair is in costume, but … no. [HT]
• Um, DMX was arrested. Again. We have no words. [ICYDK]
• Nicole Richie gives Ashlee Simpson tips on mothering and, we're assuming, how to lose all that pregnancy weight. [PS]
• Police have said there wasn't enough evidence to convict Christian Bale of assault. That's what we like to hear. [INO]
EIGHTEENTH VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST "A bench warrant has been issued for rapper DMX after he failed to show for a pre-trial conference."
Not even when a recording artist is undergoing the most trying personal crises do they forget that their job, first and foremost, is to sell records. This is why after his arraignment in Arizona yesterday, the multiple arrestee DMX turned the focus from his arrest to his new album, Walk With Me Now, And You’ll Fly With Me Later, which he touted to the press. According to E!, he also offered this bit of advice:
IS THIS SOME SORT OF RECORD? "DMX was [arrested] for allegedly giving a false name and Social Security number to Scottsdale's Mayo Clinic in April. Simmons supposedly used the name 'Troy Jones' to weasel out of paying for $7,500 in medical expenses. … DMX was also arrested on July 2, June 27, June 23, May 9 and May 7 of this year."
Someone needs to teach DMX how to play Scrabble or something, because it seems all the man does for entertainment is get arrested. This time it was for having two outstanding warrants in Phoenix, which he neglected by flying to Florida. Naturally, police were waiting when he flew back into Arizona to do the same old song and dance. Do you think he knows the officers by name at this point?
DMX was arrested a week ago for driving with a suspended license. Last month he was arrested for reckless driving, drugs, and animal cruelty. Last year he was arrested on other animal cruelty charges. And guess what happened over the weekend?
• I don't know who's luckier: Will Smith or David Letterman? [Celebitchy]
• Jessica Alba's new baby glow hasn't made her any less of a Debbie Downer. [PS]
• After years of putting up with Denise Richards, Heather Locklear has entered a treatment facility to assist with psychological issues. It's about time. [DListed]
• DMX was arrested for the third time in two months. Don Imus, care to comment? [ICYDK]
• Chris Brown's mother confirms Hollywood's worst kept secret. [INO]
• "I'm headed eastbound leading your hair space." Brilliant, really. [BWE]
• Are they finally getting stars on Dancing With the Stars? (I mean, come on, Clyde Drexler?)
• Jessica Simpson can breathe through her nose. Now to get her to think through her brain. [HT]
• Oddly, Sharon Stone's adopted children look like they could be her real children. Where's her Asian one? [ICYDK]
• Why does he bark like a dog if he kills dogs? Is he self-loathing? [Yeeeah]
• For real fun, take acid and watch Inland Empire in a room of mirrors and demon figurines. [CityRag]
• I know who bored me. [DS]
Editor
