Deafen your children, dutiful parents! Jessica Simpson's new album is upon us, and boy is it terrible. Hahaha; just kidding. We'd rather have dental work done with sharpened chicken bones than listen to modern country music – yes, even Rascally Fats or whatever – so we have no idea how Do You Know sounds. (Maybe it's like Bowie!)
We can tell you that the last track is a duet between Simpson and Dolly Parton, which saddens us greatly. Oh, Dolly, what have you done?
Listen for yourself here.
Last night on American Idol, David Cook chose to sing "Little Sparrow" from the Dolly Parton songbook. It was, to borrow some Randy Jackson lingo, another solid performance from David — who was rushed to the hospital after the show finished taping.
David was reportedly experiencing heart palpitations and high blood pressure during the show but stayed until the end against producers' requests. He was released late last night after being given medication to lower his blood pressure.
According to an Idol exec, David has been stressed because his brother Adam, who has cancer, experienced a setback this past week. (Side note: The AC on David's guitar is in honor of Adam.)
The 1980 Dolly Parton hit 9 to 5 is going to be reborn on the Great White Way. Finally, a musical for straight women and gay men! Allison Janney (West Wing), Megan Hilty and Stephanie J Block (both currently in Wicked) have already been cast as the female leads, and Mark Kudisch has been tapped for the Dabney Coleman role. And though she says she knows very little about Broadway, Dolly, inspired genius that she is, has already banged out 85 percent of the show's score. "I got a lot of snacks and went for it," she said, awesomely, and probably a little sassily.
DOLLY'S BIG PROBLEMS Country star, literacy charity founder and all around amazing person Dolly Parton has been forced to postpone her US tour due to an aching back. Apparently not one to sulk, the famously busty singer spoke cheerily when discussing her condition: "I know I have been breaking my neck and bending over backwards trying to get my new 'Backwoods Barbie' CD and world tour together, but I didn't mean to hurt myself doing it!…But hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems." WE LOVE HER!
The incomparable Dolly Parton launched her nonprofit children's book initiative, Imagination Library, in the UK today.
The program, founded in Parton's East Tennessee hometown in 1996, provides registered children with a new book each month from birth until the age of five.
Since its inception in the US, Imagination Library now operates in 43 states and has given away almost 12 million books.
Good for her, but what shameful lengths we make buxom blonds go to for media coverage.
• Where have all the mild-mannered, tolerant nerds gone? [Queerty]
• Salma Hayek has purged. [DListed]
• Couples shopping! Really, as bland as it sounds. [PS]
• She's getting better: "The plot is basically about these terrorists who are out to shut down the US." Brilliant! [HT]
• More on-stage drug abuse courtesy of Amy Winehouse's unrelenting thirst for cocaine. [Yeeah]
• Really real talk from an R & B star. [INO]
• Wouldn't it be scary if you were blind and an eye transplant gave you haunted eyes? Maybe not, but wouldn't it be stupid if someone made a movie with that premise? [ICYDK]
• Dolly Parton continues to pay men to cut her face with scalpels. [CityRag]
People who take compliments to a specific part of their appearance to mean "You should literally and habitually shove that attractive feature into people's faces" are in great danger of slaughtering their own cachet with hubris. It's called the J Lo Effect, as she is undoubtedly the most famous owner of a once omnipresent ass that has since lost its luster.
The only person of note to ever avoid this phenomenon is Dolly Parton. For some reason, her gaudy, busty grandstanding continues to go unnoticed and noticed at the same time. To be sure, though, Kim Kardashian is no Dolly.
Queen of the Great Smoky Mountains, Dolly Parton, recently told a British paper that she may be going gay in her old age:
“When I have sex with my husband these days, I fantasize I am with someone like Keith Urban or a petite, hot young woman.”
And the candid conversations don’t end there - Parton told a British magazine her first crush was on a Tennessee hooker. She explains, “I thought she was beautiful. She had more hair, more colour, more everything.”
The kid's got moxie! If Keith Urban said that when he has sex with Nicole Kidman he thinks about guys, his career would be gone faster than you can say, "The Dixie Chicks are insurgents!" But Dolly gets out there and says she has lesbian fantasies and used to crush on a hooker, and I guarantee nobody's going to say a thing about it. Her backbone's stronger than Tennessee oak.
Also, while I know I can get really righteous about the plastic surgery shit, for some reason I can't fault Dolly for looking like a prisoner's fantasy. I think it's because she says stuff like, "I look just like the girls next door…if you happen to live next door to an amusement park."
Acknowledging you look like a joke makes everyone laugh with you, not at you.
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