You probably don't want to revisit this, but remember when Dustin Diamond tried to get the public to help pay his mortgage by purchasing autographed T-shirts online? And then when that didn't work, he attempted to profit from starring in a sex tape? That was naturally followed by two stints on Celebrity Fit Club, and yet he still hasn't had enough public exposure.

So he's finally come up with a genius idea: a Saved by the Bell tell-all, appropriately titled Behind the Bell. Screech promises "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying." We'll be the first to admit it: We're going to purchase this book the day it's released.

A new low has been reached in the world of reality television, this one featuring an absolutely stunning array of bad things: modern country music, Playboy, professional wrestling, Hulk Hogan and former child stars.

Danny Bonaduce, Dennis Rodman and Dustin "Screech" Diamond are heading into the ring to compete in CMT's upcoming reality series "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling."

Also on board are Todd Bridges ("Diff'rent Strokes"), super-heavyweight boxer ButterBean, Trishelle Cannatella ("The Real World"), Erin Murphy (Tabitha Stephens on "Bewitched"), Frank Stallone, '80s pop star Tiffany and Playboy playmate Nikki Ziering.

They will compete to be named "Celebrity All-Star Wrestling Champion" based on their performance in various challenges that will include mastering complex wrestling moves, talking trash and working an audience.

Whoever wins, sadness reigns!

If Page Six's celebrity sightings are relegated to this, then the terrorists have indeed won:

Dustin Diamond, who played Screech on "Saved by the Bell," riding shotgun in a minivan near Lincoln Center, leaning out the window and spitting on the street.

This is not our New York. This is but a shell.

If you've not yet tired of wealthy, educated, maternal, black talking heads sporadically using country shibboleths ("keep ya' draws on") in order to exude approachability, then get excited for Star Jones' new talk show. Today's episode looked into the intricacies of the Dustin Diamond sex tape, which premiered on TMZ about a year ago. Common and timely, Ms Jones!

PS Watch until the end to see Screech rendered speechless by a pornographer.

PPS What the fuck is up with this woman's bronchial wheeze? I call not walking up a flight of stairs with Star Jones.

• Screech still getting humiliated by the jocks. Probably not safe for work unless your boss doesn't mind repeated uses of the phrase, "I will wear your fucking ass out!" [DListed]

• Stevie Wonder gets behind the lens. Hilarity ensues! Blind guy's got the camera! Make him drive! [BWE]

• Lohan wins Maxim's sexiest, also FHM's coke-iest and Stuff's sad-iest. [HT]

• The Hoff's got 13 alcohol poisonings on his record. That's commonly known as a "boozer's dozen." [ICYDK]

• Brit's not pleased with her mother, herself, her exes, her career, her… [Yeeeah]

• Looks like Mac users are the lame nerds if the paparazzi love them. [CityRag]

• Miss Jay has a hard time forming coherent thoughts. No shit. Really? Miss Jay? [SH]

• I remember when Moose was saying this crap about you, Screech. You've changed, man. [BWE]

• According to time, Justin Timberlake shapes our world more than George W Bush. [Time]

• Everything's classy in Fiddy's house, says the real estate agent, "except the stripper poles." [Jossip]

• Jada swears Katie's not being held against her will, while also crossing her fingers so that those in the know will know she is speaking under duress. [ASL]

• Black girls don't go wild for free. [SH]

I'm not certain what the rules and regulations are in regard to obtaining free stuff at Sundance but, judging from these photos, it looks as if practically anyone can walk in and leave with armfuls of crap they could afford to buy themselves.

A quick scan of Screech's recent work shows he hasn't done a film since 2005 and that his next movie—a story of a time-traveling Hamlet, seriously—isn't being released until later this year, probably in conjunction with his feculent sex tape. But looking at this picture, you'd never guess dude's career was on the decline. If you look closely, you can see that even Screech himself is shocked that they didn't put him out on his ass. Wide eyed, mouth agape, he looks like a klepto who just got away with a heavy haul.

The rest of the photos are no better. There's Nick Cannon, who's covered in gold crowns and looks like a baby playing dress-up. Some guy named Scott Speedman who looks strikingly similar to Benjamin McKenzie. And, speaking of the sinking OC ship, there's the lovable Adam Brody.

The worst thing about trying to take a condescending look at this swag thing is that I'm not above it, and that kinda hurts. Were the offer there, I'm sure I would leave with BOATLOADS of stuff, and I have to admit that to myself. I would horde watches, plane tickets, spa passes, cameras, all of it. Whatever I didn't want I would give to my friends and family and, if I got bored with any of it, I would break it so that others couldn't enjoy it. Help me.

[Source]

News broke yesterday that a Dustin Diamond (Screeeech) Sex Tape is imminent. There was talk of Dirty Sanchez (wow, apparently Screech doesn't realize that no one actually does that). And of course, within hours, TMZ had a clip. In short: it's horrifying, but would you ever doubt that Screech would bring feces into this? The full tape will be leaked soon. Expect to never sleep again.

[Source]

• Looks like it was a nice, relaxing stop in Des Moines for Lance Armstrong. [Des Moines Register]

• Leonardo DiCaprio may be back with Giesele. Well, now he's just rubbing it in. [X17]

• We'd like not to Hassel the Hoff, but the way he's acting it's not exactly easy to leave him alone. [A Socialite's Life]

• Ack! There are two Cameron Diaz! [Bricks and Stones]

• You never thought you needed sex advice from Screech. You were wrong, my friend. [Nerve]

• I guess Ashlee Simpson got a little sick of the clone bot jokes and is going back to the dark hair. [Teddy and Moo]