OUR TRASHY WORLD • Hey, angry blog commenters, if you thought we were "insulting the first fam" (oh, the irony in that quote!), put this in your pipe of indignation: "Hope Toast" on eBay. "Keep it real with Obama Hope toast! Barack Obama has miraculously appeared on a piece of toast I was preparing for breakfast. … Nothing has been added to the bread - no butter or oils."

THAT'S TOAST YOU CAN BELIEVE IN!!!!

Still looking for a scary Halloween costume? Head on over to eBay and bid on the newest sensation: The Sarah Palin mask. This one sold for only $112.50 — what a steal! Dead aerially-hunted wolf not included.

FREEDOM'S JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO SELL "A man who put his life up for auction on eBay found it wasn't worth quite as much as he thought when he settled for around A$100,000 less than his target price. Ian Usher, 44, held the seven-day auction of all his belongings, including his three-bedroom home in the west Australian city of Perth and a trial for his job at a rug store, after the break-up of his five-year marriage. … In the end, the winning bidder agreed to pay A$399,300 ($380,286) for all of Usher's worldly goods, which also include his friends, a motorcycle and a jetski."

Barack Obama's half-eaten, day-old food is up for sale on eBay. Obie left these syrupy waffle and sausage parts on his plate yesterday morning after having breakfast at a diner in Scranton, Pennsylvania, at which point they were collected and frozen for auction. The Senator didn't finish his meal because he is a rich elitist and he found it disgusting. And he said the OJ was bitter!

After years spent helping cheapskates barter over trinkets, eBay has finally discovered that the real money is in human trafficking, and one ambitious Rock of Love 2 contestant is taking advantage. Can you guess which one? Here's a hint: The "item" description says, "She could host your special event, caddy your golf game, dinner and a movie or just show up at your work." She? Don't they mean it?

The answer after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Men (and women?) around the world will get a chance to bid on a date with Scarlett Johansson. The auction, which begins on eBay tomorrow, will raise money for the charity OxFam.

The winner will accompany Scarlett to the red carpet premiere of her new film He's Just Not That Into You. The winner will also come across looking like a desperate tool who has to pay for dates.

[Source]

Hey, remember that absurdly expensive gown that Britney Spears turned into a literal shitrag? Well, now you can own it, complete with ambiguous stain! Lucky you. Unlucky zeitgeist.

Wanna look terrible? Now you can, because someone on eBay is auctioning off the shirt and hat being modeled by Britney Spears in the above photo. And as if the opportunity to own ugly, seemingly itchy pieces of shit wasn't incentive enough, take note, potential buyers, that the garments have not had their scuzzy authenticity cleansed away. The auctioneer promises, "It has not been washed and has the lovely scent of Britney after a night of drinking and dancing (a la her sweat and cigarette smoke)." Wonderful.

The piece of work behind this transaction doesn't mention exactly how she came to acquire the top half of Britney Spears' outfit, saying only that she works at a club Spears frequents; so let your imaginations run wild. And, lest I forget, the starting bid for such finery? A mere $500 (Yagottabefuckinkiddinme!). Don't all pull out your credit cards at once.

[Source]

Right now, on eBay, a clandestine organization known only as "Star Style" is offering you the chance to purchase Paris Hilton's laundry hamper. How Star Style came into possession of the hamper only God knows, but they boast of a certificate of authenticity, in case your friends demand proof that it really belonged to Paris. Of course, if you're thinking of buying this hamper, you shouldn't have any friends.

This is truly PARIS HILTON HAMPER, where she kept all her dirty laundry.

The item comes with a certificate of authenticity from Star Style,

who ran a Paris Hilton auction that included furniture and this piece. The Paris Hilton hamper is in excellent condition.

This is your chance to share in Paris' dirty laundry. No DNA found inside but maybe you have a better investigator.

I'll save you the trouble of hiring a "better investigator."

This hamper's easy to use, filled with impurities most of the time and it's basically a glorified garbage bag. It's definitely Paris Hilton's.

[Source]

I hope you've already digested brunch, because this is pretty sick. Some dude who works for a catering company saved some leftover food that supposedly was partially eaten by none other than Britney Spears and Kevin Federline and is selling it on eBay (obviously). Yummy. Of course it was an egg salad sandwich and a motherf-ing corn dog. Here's the dude's story:

How did I get them?
I work part time at a fancy schmancy hotel downtown. I work with the caterers serving at private and public functions. Sometimes I'm working conferences, sit down meals, in the restaurant, etc. Wherever they need me I fill in spots. A couple of months ago I was working a private music industry event with about 40 tables. Execs, some artists, label people, all those kinds of people. My section had Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. In situations like this, we're expected to do the usual catering thing, pick up plates after they are done, bring water and wine, pretty much just do anything that they need without talking their ear off or getting in celebrities faces. It does not however say anything about how I am supposed to discard their food when they have me pick up their leftovers.

That night there was a big buffet style dinner where everyone could go up and grab whatever they liked. Everything from 4 star style entrees to deep fried goodness. As you can see, they weren't eating high class that night.

The Sandwich
The sandwich is an egg salad sandwich with tomato and lettuce on wheat bread. Britney ate the other half, and had a few bites of this half before being done with it. The sandwich compressed a bit during the vacuum sealing, but it's all there. A sandwich that was eaten by Britney Spears

The Corndog
Kevin Federline had a few things to eat that night, but the only leftover item I managed to pick up from him was this corn dog. Kevin had two bites of the corndog and then set it down. Later I went to clear their plates with it, and as I was picking up the plate Britney picked it up really quick giggled and said "I can't let that go to waste" and quickly took a big bite off of the stick end of the corn dog. I was still standing there holding the plate, not quite sure what to do because Britney Spears was stealing corn dogs off the plate I was pulling away. She finished her bite and put it back on the plate I was holding and said "thanks!".

There's more details and some really pleasant photographs on the auction site. The bidding is open until the end of the month, so you've got a few days to gather as much money as possible. The current bid is only $26, but I've got faith that there are enough crazies out there to jack the price up pretty high. I'll keep my eye on it and let you guys know how the final bidding war plays out. Until then, good luck looking at egg salad or corndogs the same way ever again.

[Source]

• No need for tanning oil when Brandon Davis is around, eh Nicky Hilton? [DListed]

• Maybe things are that bad for Tori Spelling, she's selling her 90210 steez tube dress on eBay. [Bricks and Stones]

• What price Sarah Jessica Parker skin cells? Well, $15.75 I guess. Jack Black's feces? A cool $92. [CityRag]

• Katharine McPhee is well enough to meet the president and cohost the View, just not well enough to share a dressing room with that Kellie Pickler bitch. [A Socialite's Life]

• Fake Paris Hilton will pose in Playboy so men everywhere can take off their glasses and prop up the magazine a few feet away to masturbate. [Jossip]

• Is it just me, or is Justin Timberlake trying to drown that little girl? [JustJared]

• It may take you a moment to actually discern how Tara Reid's nipple is showing in this picture (click on the one above), but I assure you it's there. [Egotastic]

• The Beckhams are going to keep having kids until they get a girl, or Victoria breaks in half, whichever comes first. [PopSugar]

• George Michaels knows not everybody's got a body like his pot-bellied park stranger, guessed it would be nice to touch it. [A Socialite's Life]

• Lesser known fact about Keira Knightly: her legs are 5 ft of her 5'8" body. [ICYDK]

• Seeing as he is the dirtiest thing to enter the country in years, Kid Rock was arrested immediately upon entering Switzerland. [Celebitchy]

• Matthew McConaughey acted decidedly un-zen by hitting a paparazzi on the beach. Looks like someone's a little testy after being left behind by Lance and Jake. [X17]

• You may have missed the eBay Auction, but here's a scan of the fax claiming Jodie Foster and Kim Basinger went out on a date. [CityRag]

• Tiny Fey and Rachel Dratch are both leaving SNL, putting the number of cast members whose names I know below three. [Faded Youth]

• Mariah Carey demonstrates that not every celebrity can pull off daisy dukes. [Hollywood Tuna]

I would just like to extend a warm and sincere welcome to Kim Kardasian, Nick Lachey's new girlfriend. You're looking good and hanging out with just the herpes you should to get ahead in this town. You know what they say, friends who Sidekick together, stay together.

Kardasian, you seem like a nice enough girl. According to Celebitchy, you're even buying your shoes on eBay. Celebrties, they get scammed, just like us! Your Positive Feedback Rating is 100% on the auction block and in my heart.

Lets just hope you stay around long enough that I don't regret actually learning how to spell your name.