• No hyperbole: Jared Leto's new song is the worst one I've heard in months. [ICYDK]
• "…Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert were making out at Tenjune in NYC last night." [DListed]
• TV celebrity Katherine Heigl still smokes American Spirits! Where are the Dunhills, baby? [EBG]
• Jessica Alba's having a boy. You better believe his friends going to have a field day with the MILF jokes. [PS]
• Avril Lavigne may be pregnant with the world's smallest baby. [INO]
• "Bad luck charms" and "curses" aren't real. Wear the hat, Jessica. [HT]
• "Hey, your natural smell smells, one, like a man, and, two, smells like you." [Yeeeah]
• How gay is Top Gun? [CityRag]
"…Ugg Boots do nothing for the foot, leaving your arches limp and your ankle encased in a shell of sheepskin," complains a disaffected blogger that is not me. And while I have too much self-respect to be caught yanking on a woolly pair of those too-thick socks, I know she must be right.
Many do not agree with me. They're attending openings of Ugg stores and dragging along their less famous sisters. Ugh, give it up!
Of course, not everyone has the luxury of being able to step over Fashion Week as if it were an errant mess on a city sidewalk. Occasionally, notable people are present for – and even active participants in – the clamorous, glamorous hubbub. To these precious few (or is it gullible many) we briefly offer our attention and pity.
A creep, a newly single father and a gay rock icon walk into a fashion show…
More of this joke after the jump.
CONTINUED »
I'm of the camp that thinks skinny jeans and heels were kind of a revelation as far as women's fashion goes, so I can't really get down with these upside down martini glasses she's calling pantlegs. But other than that: Holy shit! The rest of her makes the pants ignorable for a while; and then, come her birthday, you go, "Look what I got you, some of these 'skinny pants' I think they're called. I thought maybe you'd like them." And voilà! Problem solved. Girlfriends have been employing this trick for years. It's called the buy and switch and it's why t-shirt collections start dwindling once men get into serious relationships.
More after the jump.
CONTINUED »
Can we just outlaw makeup, please? Not only is it heartbreaking to learn what happens to animals in the name of eyeliner, but it's also heartbreaking to learn what women look like not wearing any of that stuff; which is, of course, perfect. Let's stop looking at faces as canvases and, instead, as completed works. Kay? Cool? It would make everyone's lives a whole lot easier.
At first it seems odd that a developmental abnormality became a symbol of masculinity, until you realize how phallic that abnormality can be. But what can't be explained away is when a stereotypically masculine feature that looks like a penis is your favorite part of a girl's face. It's so weird that it makes you reevaluate your sexuality even more than when you didn't close the browser window right after the gay pornography "accidentally" popped up.
• I think running blindly down a hill of sand with her boobs sticking out further than her face is a pretty apt metaphor for Pam's life. [INO]
• I wouldn't go with "brain-meltingly." [Egotastic]
• Eddie Murphy nowhere to be found. [IDLYITW]
• Were you pretty sure the OJ book thing couldn't get crazier? [Defamer]
• Usher's having a shotgun wedding and he didn't even load the shotgun. [DListed]
• Sanjaya roundup, so you don't get lost amid his velvety locks. [Jossip]
If we're to believe her IMDB bio, Elisha Cuthbert is an intelligent, well-rounded Canadian who is smart enough to have once hosted Popular Mechanics for Kids.
However, if we're to believe these pictures, Cuthbert is a sucker idiot who doesn't find it strange that Paris Hilton calling her out of the blue to come shopping with her car coincides perfectly with Paris' license being publicly revoked. Fun!
[Source]
• Victoria Beckham's nipples can't seem to agree on a direction. [DListed]
• Well the Oprah/James Frye thing was certainly my most skin crawlingly uncomfortable moment of 2006. [BWE]
• Someone get Elisha Cuthbert a doctor, she seems to be unable to close her mouth. [PopSugar]
• Is the real scandal that Nicole Kidman is really married to Billy Ray Cyrus? [CityRag]
• Not to those wanting to date Pam Anderson: do not call her pretty. Or probably ask to see her boobs. [A Socialite's Life]
• Jennifer Aniston sacrifies dolls on the beach. Multi-ethnic ones perhaps? [Yeeeah]
• The Naughty Celebs of 2006. [TMZ]
• When they think about you they touch themselves. [CityRag]
• Matthew McConaughey is always the dude you want at the bar….because he'll pay to keep it open. [PopSugar]
• Lohan's are now in the running to become America's Next Top Vaginal Armpits. [Egotastic]
• Angelina didn't fall for Brad because of his dancing…but she could have. [DListed]
• Are you not watching The OC? Here's three reasons you should be. [Bastardly]
• Little Kravitz is hottt. [INO]
• Heidi just slides 'em right out these days. I'm sorry. [A Socialite's Life]
• Elisha Cuthbert, worried that big fame will pass her by, takes role as Paris' BFF for a week [BWE]
• The Jolie-Pitts will totes win Family Fear Factor.
• Something tells me this Elisha Cuthbert is a little more like your real Girl Next Door. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Paris isn't afraid to ride the Vespa in the short skirt. [http://x17online.com/celebrities/que_bella.php]
• The Office gets its sexy on. [BWE]
• I try not to think about the Russell Simmons/Petra Nemcova rumors. They make my head hurt. [Egotastic]
• Wentworth Miller isn't afraid to google himself in public. Dirty, dirty boy. [DListed]
• Evangeline Lilly cleans up nice. [Yeeeah]
• Are the starlets starving themselves so we see them as cute? [CityRag]
• Well…they're both pretty leathery. [Gawker]
Seriously, who knew that budding songstress and MTV reality tv star Cheyenne Kimball had this eye issue. I'd say the photog caught her at a bad moment, but all of the pictures from this Us Weekly event show this trend. Maybe she was drunk.
Other celebs in attendance dressed like idiots (Carmen, Elisha, I'm looking at you) or Marilyn Monroe (okay, just Aguilera).
[Source]
• Jessica Simpson and Kristin Cavallari are, like, so enemies. Or as much of enemies as either of their heads can understand. [OAN]
• Paris Hilton cries when she listens to her own CD. So do the rest of us, Paris, so do the rest of us. [CNN]
• Perhaps we can lure Osama Bin Laden out of hiding with promises of Whitney Houston. Houston's rep responded to this request: Hell to the Yes. [Junkiness]
• Pete Doherty missed his own wedding this weekend to Kate Moss. You expect that man to go to Fiji? Baby steps here, people. There's no way he's clean enough to be boarding any planes anytime soon. [DListed]
• Butterscotch Stallion, Owen Wilson, less than pleased for his links to Kate Hudson's divorce. Man, he's no fun when he's angry. [PopSugar]
• Heidi Klum knows what we want, more, more more babies. Okay, just more pregnancy. [A Socialite's Life]
• When did Elisha Cuthbert become an old peasant grandmother? [ICYDK]
It was a night to be remembered by Hollywood's B-Listers. (Okay, C…or maybe D? Do these people even get to be on any list at all?) Canada's MuchMusic Video Awards took place in Toronto last night, and boy did it look thrilling. There were performances by Nick Lachey, Fall Out Boy, Rihanna, Nelly Furtado, I don't know, possibly some other people. As you can see, blogger Perez Hilton was there, so there's that. Somehow Paris Hilton stumbled across the event, I'm not sure how, it must have been a mistake of some sort. There's more information and pictures of the beautiful people here, in the meantime I'm going to think of ways to make Paris' swag sweatshirt more funny.
Club Nicole Richie not seals.
Club Med gave me crabs not seals.
Clubs with single stall bathrooms are better for doing blow in not seals.
I'll keep working…
Brandon Davis is figuring out the hard way that being an unhygenic and dispicable person doesn't necessarily win you friends. Especially the unhygenic part. That shit is sick. Take a shower grease-ball.
Luckily, Brandon Davis had some C-List stars to keep him company at Hyde (Zach Braff I would expect more of, however) while all the actual celebrities were off in New York and Cannes this weekend. As usual, TMZ was stationed outside of every club in LA this weekend and was lucky enough to overhear a woman confront Davis;
(May 22, 11:35AM ET) — Brandon Davis learned this weekend that it doesn't pay to be vulgar and classless. The man who went on an obscene tirade last week against Lindsay Lohan was verbally attacked by an outraged woman outside a Hollywood nightclub.
"No wonder why Mischa Barton dumped your ass," the woman screamed. She added: "Go home and take a shower."
Burn. Come on, Paris, friends don't let friends allow personal cleanliness fall by the wayside. It's also gone far too long without Mischa Barton's name being dragged into this debacle, so I'm glad to see this is finally an equal opportunity scandal.
The woman who confronted Davis said: "Lindsay Lohan earns her money. You get it from daddy."
This event is the best thing that ever happened to Lindsay Lohan. Her publicist must be the happiest woman in Hollywood. Before this happened Lindsay Lohan was on a downward spiral towards public disdain, but now everyone is running to the starlet's defense. Lohan has been saved by the consistently proven fact that even if you are hell-bent on destroying your own reputation, there's always someone dumb enough to bolster it back up.
[Source, Source]
As a die-hard Elisha Cuthbert fan, I want to love her no matter what she does. I've always thought that The Girl Next Door is an underappreciated comic gem, but then I see her like this, and a little part of my heart dies.
Elisha, Elisha, Elisha, you're never going to make it to the top if you throw yourself around like this. Getting shit-faced is your right as a young lady. Hell, you're even over 21, but you should try not to get photographed in ridiculous poses with the largest drink glass in the world in your hand. An empty giant drink at that.
Your friends are also the problem. I understand surrounding yourself with less attractive people, you look hot despite your bedraggled nature, but the thumb-sucking has got to go. I don't even know what he is trying to get at there, but it just makes all of you look like idiots.
Otherwise, carry on. And make more movies, preferably where you play a porn star and don't try to look smart, because it just doesn't work.
Editor
