There's no amount of money in the world that would make us sit through the American Music Awards (OK, that's not entirely accurate), so instead of a write-up of the snooze-fest, here's an exhaustive collection of photos. From the looks of things, Miley Cyrus once again made the entire event all about her (and her 16th birthday, which she's been celebrating for the past few months). Surprise, surprise.

Click through for more photos than your little mouse can click.

CONTINUED »

• It's a good thing Joaquin Phoenix decided to retire from acting, because he needs to go back to school. [Yeeeah]

• Former Bachelorette/famewhore DeAnna Pappas has called off her reality show-inspired engagement. Who here is surprised by this? [ICYDK]

• We can't figure out if Enrique Iglesias is being insecure or realistic. [INO]

• A gallery of all the celebrity offspring dressed up in their Halloween costumes, because trick or treating is way more fun with the paparazzi in tow. [PS]

• Amanda Bynes spent too much time in the tanning booth. [HT]

• Amy Winehouse checked out of the hospital last week and checked back in today. Nothing to see here, folks. [DListed]

Enrique Iglesias, on his divorce from Anna Kournikova (but is he joking?):

Oh I'm not married, no. I mean I was married. I was married, seriously. I was married a year ago to Anna and I don't know what happened. We're not married anymore but we are kind of still in contact.

[Source]

Enrique Iglesias, who apparently still has the power to send teens into a tizzy, has gone on record to say that he wishes he were gay so that he could be more promiscuous.

Enrique - who is romancing Anna Kournikova - told Genre magazine: My stylist
is gay and lives in Los Angeles and when he came to Miami, he went out.

“And I asked, ‘Your boyfriend doesn’t care?’ And he said, ‘We have an
understanding if I’m out of the city.’

“When I saw George Michael, he said the same thing. I’m going to have to
have a talk with my girl!”

Enrique went on to say that he also wishes he were black so he could dunk a basketball and Jewish so he could be "thriftier."

Plenty more.

CONTINUED »

• This is 100 percent accurate and 105 percent funny. [BWE]

• There's going to be a black The Big Chill. Expect 100 percent more "Girrrrrrrrrl!"s. [DListed]

• Enrique and Anna still 100 percent bor-fucking-ing. [ICYDK]

• Lohan's getting sued for three grand. 100 percent surprising the plaintiff isn't her father. [ICYDK]

• Pete Wentz getz involved in a ztupid zcuffle. He's 100 perzent zucky. [Yeeeah]

• 100 percent of unfertilized eggs agree they don't want to be zygotes in Hollywood. [CityRag]

• Yep, that one makes three. [DListed]

• Hollywood clubs now promise to do what they were supposed to be doing forever. [BWE]

• All the Miss Universe contestants who stayed on their feet, thereby not humiliating their respective countries of origin. Thanks for fuckin' nothing, Miss USA. [HT]

• The guy from Frasier who you always knew was gay is gay. He says so himself. [Queerty]

• Whaddya know! Jessica Simpson's showing cleavage. [Yeeeah]

• Now it's jeans tucked into heels? Grody. [ICYDK]

• Drunk Jenga with Lohan. [CityRag]