The pained expression you see at left is Eli Manning's best attempt at a smile during Justin Timberlake's EPSY Awards opening monologue. We couldn't sit through the eight minutes of footage because Justin was just so painful to watch — like a small child trying to keep the attention while all the adults just sit around and ignore him in hopes he will go away. Unfortunately, Justin and his ego stuck around throughout the show.

Click through for the clip and let us know how long you were able to sit through that mess.

CONTINUED »

I'm going to go ahead and assume that area of intersection in the Ven diagram of ESPN's Pardon the Interruption watchers and celebrity gossip rag followers is fairly small (read: me), but last night I was able to fulfill both of my loves in one glorious rumor mill–thanks to the unholy union of Paris Hilton and Matt Leinart. Substitute PTI host Jason Whitlock had this to say:

Star Magazine is reporting that the Cardinals have asked rookie quarterback Matt Leinart to tone down his late night partying with no booty-having billionare bimbo Paris Hilton. According to Star, Leinart took the warning very seriously and almost broke down in tears. According to my sources, and I'm dead serious here, the Cardinals hook hooked up with a big booty Phoenix Suns dancer two nights ago. Dan, even though I subscribe to the Bel Biv Devo theory 'never trust a big butt and a smile' I think the Cardinals have given their future star sound advice.

…Trust me. These are rock solid sources. He was out with the Phoenix Suns dancer. The thing with Paris I think is over with.

Wow, apparently Paris' scrawny ass wasn't enough to keep Matt Leinart interested for very long. Maybe he should move on to someone with a little more cushion for the pushin' like, say, the new version of Lindsay Lohan? I'd bet that when the lights are out he doesn't even notice what color is going on down there.