• Good news, everybody: The world's fattest man has consummated his marriage. [DListed]

• Alert the media! Suri Cruise is wearing a jacket! [PS]

• Gwyneth Paltrow apologizes for wearing fur because, like us, PETA scares the bejeezus out of her. [INO]

• Eva Longoria wears Spanx. Fascinating. [HT]

• Winona Ryder was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on a flight. Look, if you wanted attention you could have just asked. [Yeeeah]

• Lara Flynn Boyle looks to be a healthy weight. If she were nine years old. [ICYDK]

The Eva Longoria pregnancy rumors have been put to rest for the time being, thanks to a few E! trolls who spotted the Desperate Housewives actress smoking cigarettes last night at the BlackBerry Bold launch party. Oh, and sources say she was looking "super skinny," as opposed to the obese monster she has become as of late.

Seriously though, Eva has remained at relatively the same weight as she has during most of her time in the spotlight, so the lack of fat obviously does nothing to help squash the pregnancy rumors. So what does? We made up a list, after the jump. Feel free to add your own.

CONTINUED »

• Lindsay Lohan is a fan of the creepy Sarah Palin Halloween mask. Is Samantha Ronson going to dress up as a wolf? [Yeeeah]

• Eva Longoria says she's still a size 0, even though she got "fat." [ICYDK]

• Even when he's doing good deeds, Justin Timberlake comes across as a d-bag. [PS]

• Johnny Depp is Cosmopolitan's sexiest man alive, followed by George Clooney and … Jake Gyllenhaal? [INO]

• Amy Winehouse is now making coke-infused cotton candy. Good to see she's using her time wisely. [DListed]

• Innocent little Audrina Patridge is desperately trying to extend her 15 minutes of fame. [HT]

• The littlest Palin lady is the only one we can stomach. [DListed]

• Eva Longoria denies the pregnancy rumors: "I’m just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer so instead of a size zero, I’m a size one." [INO]

• Jennifer Aniston stays relevant by playing in the sprinklers. [HT]

• Kid Rock vs. Oprah … We have a feeling this isn't going to go well for the Kid. [ICYDK]

• Forget those new 90210 twerps; we'll take Adam Brody any day. [PS]

• Keira Knightley was verbally attacked by a someone, but she surprisingly survived without collapsing into a pile of malnourished bones. [Yeeeah]

WELL, WE WOULDN'T ACCEPT A DRINK FROM WILMER EITHER "Eva Longoria Parker added fuel to pregnancy rumors by skipping the silly sauce and raw foods in Vegas on Labor Day. The star instead nibbled edamame and drank water at the opening of Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant and Bar at the Bellagio, and even passed on a round of shots bought by Wilmer Valderama for her table of gal pals."

New information about Hayden Panettiere's father's early morning arrest: Both Alan Panettiere and his wife, Lesley, were drunk when Alan punched her twice in the face with a closed fist after a night out at Beso, Eva Longoria's restaurant. Also, the violence may have been prompted by Lesley "chatting up" Clint Eastwood's son, Scott Reeves, leaving Alan feeling – in his words – "disrespected."

• Sorry, ladies: Pat O'Brien is getting married. Let's take a moment to honor one of the last good men with an encore presentation of his infamous voicemails. (YouTube audio NSFW) [DListed]

• Get this: Uma Thurman might be pregnant at the same time her ex-husband, Ethan Hawke, is preparing to marry a former nanny that she hired. The circle of life, Hollywood style! [Yeeeah]

• Barack Obama must be doing something right: His daughter isn't hanging out with Heidi Montag. [HT]

• Maggie Gyllenhaal threatens to leave New York City. To be honest, we didn't even know she lived here in the first place. [ICYDK]

• Alert the presses: Lindsay Lohan almost kisses Samantha Ronson. [PS]

• Eva Longoria got "ugly" for her role on Desperate Housewives. Except … she still looks pretty. [INO]

Eva Longoria, seen here strolling around Los Angeles in a bid to attract the paparazzi's attention, debuted a new haircut yesterday. Naturally, it's up to the readers to decide whether it's Ken Paves' usual high-quality work.

[Source]

• Two of the most obnoxious people on the planet doing really good things. [INO]

• We can think of a lot more reasons for Nicole Richie to be sick of Paris Hilton, but this one will suffice. [ICYDK]

• The Simpson sisters drag their significant others along to terrorize Lake Tahoe. [PS]

• Eva Longoria becomes the latest celebrity to — gasp! — show off cellulite. [HT]

• Jennifer Lopez doesn't have nannies because nobody wants to work for her, not because she's an overachieving mother. [DListed]

• Sienna Miller is proud to be The Other Woman. [Yeeeah]

[Source]

• Gerard Butler is searching for his "dream girl" who he says disappeared during a date a few years ago. OK, fine. It was me. [ICYDK]

• Rich people have problems, too: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel fight over refrigerator space. [INO]

• Blake Lively's puppy is not above peeing on her owner, now matter how famous she may be. [PS]

• Janet Jackson manages to look both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. [SH]

• Mario Lopez on Eva Longoria: "We never dated. Unfortunately. We met a long time ago, and she was always with somebody or I was with somebody." Not like that's stopped him before. [DListed]

[Source]

Eva Longoria, who has done a respectable job of attempting to stay out of the spotlight lately, finally decided she needed attention. So, naturally, she threw on a loose-fitting dress and placed objects in front of her stomach while parading in front of the Manhattan paparazzi in order to fuel pregnancy rumors. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

[Source]

The CFDA Fashion Awards, held last night at the New York Public Library, honored excellence in fashion design but also served as a venue for Victoria Beckham to crash as many photo opportunities as possible.

After the jump: How many Poshes can you find?

CONTINUED »

Texan Eva Longoria visited her old stomping grounds, a Corpus Christi Wendy's, to kick off Father's Day Frosty Weekend. At first we were confused as to why a 99 cent ice cream treat required the presence of a celebrity, but turns out it's for charity. It always is.

[Source]

Scarlett Johansson wasted no time in debuting her engagement ring from fiancé Ryan Reynolds at last night's Costume Institute Gala at NYC's Metropolitan Museum of Art. Pretty much every celebrity you can imagine was in attendance (except for Reynolds), and 95 percent of the wardrobe choices made our heart cry.

Click through for more pictures than you could have ever asked for.

CONTINUED »

Last night was the LA premiere of What Happens In Vegas, and Bai Ling decided it would be appropriate to show up in an outfit that might happen in your grandmother's attic.

[Source]

In Touch picked up on sister mag Life & Style's Suri Cruise obsession this week with stalker photos and insider details surrounding the tot's birthday party.

Tom Cruise reportedly spent $100,000 on the extravaganza, which is so ridiculous we don't even need to say anything about it. The cost included $17,000 for fresh flowers, $45,000 on catering and $5,000 for cakes. But these weren't just any pastries: Each guest received a personalized cake and Suri was treated to a four-tier cake covered in buttercream frosting, bumblebees and butterflies. Oh, and Katie received $230 worth of Sprinkles cupcakes. Who knew she ate?

The celebration continued into the evening when Tom and Katie invited their own friends — including Eva Longoria Parker, David and Victoria Beckham, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy — to a private bash. Because we're sure that was on Suri's wishlist.

It's a good thing they pulled out all the stops for this milestone birthday, seeing as how Suri likely had already forgotten about it by breakfast.

[Source]

According to a couple top 10 lists from the Huffington Post, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama's bestest, most awesome celebrity supporters are both talk show hosts. Clinton's got Ellen DeGeneres and Obama's repped by Oprah. Clinton also has the backing of Eva Longoria and Magic Johnson, while Obama counts Chris Rock and some Kennedys as fans. None of this should matter, but, remember, 45 percent of American adults put stock in the recommendations of celebrities. Which reminds us of a quote from our favorite politician: "The best argument against democracy is five minutes with the average voter."

In Style magazine takes us into star closets in their latest issue. Inside the palatial walk-ins, it's an age-old contradiction: such full wardrobes and such empty people.

Jamie-Lynn Sigler laughs that, until she paid to have her closet organized, she would often come across clothes she forgot she had. "With the tags still on them!" she howls. Mariah Carey boasts of owning over 1,000 pairs of shoes, many of which go unused in storage. Kimora Lee Simmons has 500 pairs of jeans in her 49,000-square-foot home.

Even though it is inanely sized, Mariah Carey's shoe collection could only outfit one percent of the homeless schoolchildren in California.