Remember the accidental hilarity that occurred when a bunch of crazies stumbled upon our Corey Haim and Jonas Brothers posts? This time they've taken over a Stereohyped story about "white, female sex tourists of a certain age who vacation in Kenya, where they 'befriend' young locals in need of some extra cash." You can probably guess what happened next.
THESE THINGS HAPPEN IN FLORIDA Arnelle Simpson, 39, OJ's eldest daughter, violently attacked her notorious father last night in Florida, knocking him to the ground and bloodying his mouth. We're not sure what's more surprising: that it took this long or that OJ didn't hit back.
Kate Moss, seen here chopping up a big line of cocaine while her young daughter is…somewhere, is finally ready to admit that existence in an industry that judges people solely on their looks is a little bit twisted.
Lindsay Lohan's freak-sistah (not Ali) is getting a chance to tell her possibly-insightful story of growing up a real-life Tenenbaum. Samantha Ronson is in talks to pen a memoir about her life, and while everyone is freaking out that Samantha is using her relationship with LiLo to garner interest (she is), the DJ/club owner/child-of-a-socialite probably has some juicy niblets from her own life that don't involve Fire Crotch. Is Ronson a legitimate celebrity without Lindsay? No. But that's not usually a criteria for authors.
Best part of the whole book lead up?
Oh Carmen Electra. You really want people to respect you for something other than your career as a Baywatch babe, but most people don't even respect you for that. Actually, most people don't even remember you enough not to respect you, so guess there's that. So why take a gamble on relevance by appearing in Disaster Movie with Kim Kardashian and referring to yourself in third person during interviews?
Rumor has it that MSNBC newsman Chris Matthews will run for senate once his contract runs out.
Seizing on those rumors, Philadelphia Gay News publisher Mark Segal asked Matthews about his stance on gay marriage. After eschewing the question - what would Matthews do about the defense of marriage act - Matthews went into a valid tirade about freedom, which could come across as support.
Segal, however, wanted specifics. What he received were expletives:
These two lovely fellows at left were arrested in Denver yesterday and then told police they were planning to assassinate Barack Obama during his acceptance speech Thursday at the Democratic National Convention. And yes, there were wigs and walkie talkies involved.
Ed Robertson is the frontman of Barenaked Ladies, which means he is at least partly responsible for that "One Week" song that ruined the entire year of 1998. That doesn't explain why he seems to be one of God's chosen children; Robertson's private plane crashed in Canada yesterday afternoon and all four passengers managed to walk off unharmed.
'There???s not a scratch on any of them,' said the source. Another source who asked to remain anonymous said it was obvious something was very wrong today.
That ad there, at left? For The CW's Gossip Girl, the low-ratings show that everybody can't stop talking about? The show's creator, Josh Schwartz, actually hates the way the network has gone about pushing the show on viewers, taking advantage of the Parents Television Council's general frustration with its means of teaching young people about the birds and the bees.
The Holmes backlash has been in effect for quite awhile now, what with her marrying that crazy guy and bearing his creepily-perfect alien love baby. But give credit where credit is due, Holmes isn't the worst actress in Hollywood today. (Melanie Griffith still gets work.)
Although fans of the Dark Knight were relieved when Maggie Gyllenhaal took over to play Katie's role, Holmes has always been one of those young actresses whose performance can best be described with words like "decent," "acceptable," and "passing." She was very good in Thank You For Smoking, actually. Unfortunately, as Mrs. Cruise tries to take Xenu's gospel to the Great White Way, her acceptable mediocrity isn't bowling over the Broadway audiences:
Terrence Howard caused a bit of behind-the-scenes drama at the ALMA awards this weekend when he went way off script while he was presenting an award with Mexican actress Angelica Vale (the original Ugly Betty). He was apparently so taken with her that he thought it was appropriate to ignore the teleprompter and kick game on stage in front of television cameras and a live, celebrity audience.
Puerto Rican crooner Ricky Martin just got a new gig: daddy.
Martin's press team confirmed that the 36-year old welcomed two twin boys this week. And, no, he didn't produce them the "old-fashioned way." Why? Well, perhaps because of his rumored homosexuality, which Martin's hairdresser inadvertently revealed last year.
What is the single most important issue to Mexicans illegally crossing the U.S. border? No, not finding food and water or an under the table job, or paying off their trafficker, but eating a hamburger that might've been made from the inhumane slaughter of a cow!
PETA, the animal rights group about as delirious as the Parents Television Council, is hoping to plaster the Mexico-U.S. border fence with ads that alert jumpers that "If the Border Patrol Doesn't Get You, the Chicken and Burgers Will — Go Vegan."
Why the ridiculous marketing message?
America must have passed around some sort of petition saying they wanted their next Rupert Murdoch to have frosted tips and a tiny snub nose, because how else would you explain why Ryan Seacrest is becoming the next media mogul? Sorry, not mogul, "media player," which is what happens when someone like Seacrest decides to split from William Morris and take his agent with him (that's a buy out) to start his own empire.
What's this? Britney Spears is gracing the cover of OK! for the second time in as many weeks?
Just last week the tabloid scored the first interview ??? paparazzi shouting questions at her doesn't count ??? with the pop star in a cooperative arrangement, and this week Ms. Spears is showing off her new body in a clear "I've totally turned my life around" cover story.
America got slaughtered last night by China in the Olympic baseball games, which does exist. Not "slaughtered" like China kicked the United States' butt (they didn't, America won 9-1???.GO U.S.A.!). Slaughtered like "did that batter just get hit by a Chinese pitcher again?" Yes, yes he did, but only because he was involved in taking out the Chinese catcher.
Watch video of the traumas below (which included a batter, Matt LaPorta, given a concussion, for eff's sake):