Britney Spears has been wisely testing the waters all weekend by performing overseas before bringing her lip-syncing show back to America. On Thursday she performed at a German awards show before hitting up a French talent competition on Friday and the UK's X Factor on Saturday (clip above). When asked to give advice to the X Factor contestants, Brit wisely suggested, "Just keep doing it." Here's an idea: Let's not ask Britney Spears for advice. She still has a long way to go. Her "Womanizer" performance is leaps and bounds better than the VMA disaster of '07, but it's nothing to write home about.
A reader commented yesterday on the mysterious absence of Amy Winehouse, optimistically chalking it up to a potential trip to rehab. Unfortunately for the world, we were wrong — she's just holed up in her home, granting bizarre interviews to French journalists over an intercom. She mainly talks about loving and missing her Blake Incarcerated and ends the interview by awkwardly suggesting everyone worry about themselves instead of Amy. Yeah, cause she's clearly got her life under control.
FRANCE HATES SCIENTOLOGY "The Church of Scientology faces trial on deletion fraud charges in Paris, with the possibility that the organization, which claims around 5,000 active members in France in addition to a bevy of Hollywood celebrities such as Tom Cruise, could be banned in France if it loses. 'Scientology is a dangerous movement,' Milivudes president Jean-Michel Roulet told ABCNews.com. 'It puts pressure on its victims, it tries to intimidate them and blackmails them.'"
FRANCE LASHES OUT AT SCIENTOLOGY "A French judge has ordered two departments and seven prominent members of the Church of Scientology in France to stand trial on charges of organized fraud, a judicial source said on Monday. The case is the latest in a series of legal battles that have pitted the French judicial system against the Scientologists, who could be forced to stop their activities in France if found guilty. The latest suit centers on a complaint made in 1998 by a woman who said she she was enrolled into the Church of Scientology by a group of people she met outside a metro station. In the following months, she said she paid 140,000 francs (21,340 euros) for 'purification packs' and books which she said were a fraud. … Judge Jean-Christophe Hullin ruled that the Scientologists' Celebrity Center, bookstore and seven Church leaders should be tried for fraud and 'illegally practicing as pharmacists'."
We love watching the Olympics for moments like the clip above, showcasing last night's men's 4×100m free relay (yes, the quality is bad and we can't understand a word the announcers are saying except for "Michael Phelps"). Let us set the stage for you: The team from France is favored to win. One of the French swimmers reportedly told the media: "The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for." Oh, and Phelps is still on his quest for eight gold medals. It all comes down to the final leg, where Jason Lezak must swim the greatest race of his life. OK, maybe we're being overdramatic, but how can you not be excited after watching this?
Oui! Oui! Oui! Whereas we deep-fried Americans are inclined to lounge behind computers and blog angrily ("I'ma break this fuckin' MacBook, y'all!!!1!) when news about Angelina Jolie and her ubiquitous brood overtakes all the other headlines, those fabulous Frenchman take to the fucking rues and let the world know they're pissed:
Protestors began picketing outside of the Fondation Lenval hospital this week, where the [Jolie-Pitt] twins were born on Saturday.
… Nice residents are upset the mayor has failed to address the case of a local murder victim in lieu of celebrating the American movie stars and their new additions.
Following the birth, Mayor Christian Estrosi showed off the children's birth certificates on the steps of the hospital, describing the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline as "a pride to Nice and all its citizens."
Vive la France!
NOW EVERYONE STOP TALKING ABOUT IT "The world's most famous twins have arrived, finally! According to the Associated Press, Angelina Jolie's doctor confirmed the superstar gave birth to a boy, Knox Leon, and a girl, Vivienne Marcheline, in Nice, France, ending a day of conflicting reports. 'Everything is going well,' Dr. Michael Sussman told AP. 'The mother, the babies, the father are doing marvelously well.'"
Monsieur R, nee Richard Makela, is a French rapper who might be sent to jail for doing the sort of thing that American rappers do all the time. A court recently agreed to consider a complaint lodged by a conservative MP against Monsieur R. Why? Because the rapper referred to France as a "slut" in the song "FranSSe" off of his latest album, Politikment Incorrekt.
The actual offending lyrics are ‘”France is a bitch, don’t forget to fuck her till she’s exhausted/You have to treat her like a slut, man.” At another point, Mr Makela says: “I piss on Napoleon and on General de Gaulle.”‘ Mon Dieu!
STARS: THEY'RE JUST LIKE LANDED GENTRY "Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's soon-to-be-born twins will always be considered honorary citizens of Nice, regardless of whether they opt to obtain French citizenship, the mayor of Nice said Friday."
More than 30 years after Roman Polanski plied her with champagne and a Quaalude and then sodomized her, Samantha Geimer, Polanski's now 45-year-old rape victim, says that though her attack remains an "unpleasant memory," she doesn't think Polanski should face jail time.
"I don't think he needs to be locked up forever," said Geimer, adding, "I think he's sorry, I think he knows it was wrong." Of course, Geimer can't be sure of this, because, rather than telling her he's sorry and that what he did was wrong, Polanski's been straight chilling in France for the past three decades, ducking justice like the cowardly kid-raper he is.
FOREIGN CRIMES ARE DIFFERENT FROM AMERICAN CRIMES "Former French film star and sex symbol Brigitte Bardot has been fined 15,000 euros ($23,160) for remarks insulting Muslims. A Paris court fined the animal rights campaigner for her repeated verbal attacks on the Muslim feast of Eid al-Adha, which involves slaughtering a sheep, among other Islam traditions. Bardot, already fined four times since 1997 for similar racial incidents, will have to pay the hefty fine in addition to damages to several anti-racism organizations."
AND THE DELIVERY RUMORS BEGIN… "There may be nothing more than wishful thinking to reports coming out of France this morning that Angelina Jolie, who was due to give birth to twins some time in the next three to four weeks, has indeed already delivered her fifth and sixth children."
The French Parliament is on its way to passing an unprecedented bill that recommends fines and prison sentences for people — like proprietors of those hideous and sad “pro-ana” Web sites — who promote and encourage “extreme thinness.”
Just one week after winning a best actress Oscar and giving a cutesy speech that involved the word "angels," French star Marion Cotillard is under fire because of statements she made a year ago regarding the 9/11 attacks. At the time, Cotillard was speaking to a French television program, and, boy, does she sound zany!
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Though she salvaged both her sons from poor Asian nations once under the buttery, oppressive thumb of French colonialists, Angelina Jolie apparently still maintains a sense of pride in her Gallic heritage.
Not only have she and boyfriend Brad Pitt recently purchased a chateau in the south of France and immersed all of their children in French language studies, but rumor has it that the wispy actress is planning on giving birth to her new child (only one, now) in the snooty, truffle-rich nation.
Now to take bets on how soon the Jolie-Pitt kiddies think Amharic, Khmer and Vietnamese are spices.
On this season's finale of The Hills, the kind and sapient Lisa Love promised Lauren Conrad, "Paris…[is] just magical. It’s just a level of sophistication that you’ve never seen before."
While a true friend would have told the truth and said, "Paris can be magical if you manage get past all the dog shit," the issue at hand is that today Page Six translated Hills-speak. In The Hills, "sophistication" means "pimping," and "that you've never seen before" means "to men you've never met."
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