Crack open a cold can of awesome and get a load of the Mission Gathering Church's billboard in San Diego, which reads:
Mission Gathering Christian Church is sorry for the narrow-minded, judgmental, deceptive, manipulative actions of those who took away the rights and equality of so many in the name of God.
Prince, with his frilly silk shirts and high heel everything, has long been the victim of rumors about his sexuality, and his libido-infused party jams have helped acquire the Minnesota-born musician a devoted gay fan base. So you can imagine our surprise upon learning that the Purple One, who has for several years been an outspoken Jehovah's Witness, went on a homophobic rant during a recent interview with the New Yorker, saying that, in the past, God came down and wiped out homosexual activity.
Have no fear, increasingly poor readers, everything's gonna be fine. Some 700 Club glossolalist pronounced today a Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies and intends to fix all your financial woes! Here's a bunch of saddies huddled around the Charging Bull on Wall Street, praying for money to a false idol, just like their God told them not to. DESPERATE TIMES!
[Source]
We hope the GOP is taking this rhetoric as seriously as they did Jeremiah Wright's.
The disclosure that last month Governor Palin's church hosted the executive director of Jews for Jesus, who told congregants that violence against Israeli Jews is God's punishment for their failure to accept Jesus, is going to be the next club that Mrs. Palin's leftist critics pick up against her. The Jewish Telegraphic Agency quotes Mrs. Palin's pastor at Wasilla Bible Church, Larry Kroon, as saying that he doesn't believe Jews for Jesus are deceptive. "Look at Paul and Peter and the others — they were Jews and believed in Jesus as the messiah," he told JTA. "There's gentile believers and there's Jewish believers that acknowledge Jesus as messiah. There's Swedish believers."
HOW WOULD JESUS POSE? "An Italian priest says he's organizing an online beauty pageant for nuns to give them more visibility in the Catholic church and to fight the stereotype that they're all old and dour. … Nuns will fill out a profile of their life and vocation as well as a photograph. It will be up to them whether to pose with the traditional veil or with their heads uncovered."
Ed Robertson is the frontman of Barenaked Ladies, which means he is at least partly responsible for that "One Week" song that ruined the entire year of 1998. That doesn't explain why he seems to be one of God's chosen children; Robertson's private plane crashed in Canada yesterday afternoon and all four passengers managed to walk off unharmed.
'There’s not a scratch on any of them,' said the source. Another source who asked to remain anonymous said it was obvious something was very wrong today.
The latest ruckus caused by Sherri Shepherd has nothing to do with the shape of the earth — this time, the View co-host is admitting that she's "had more abortions than [she] would like to count." Scandalous! Except that didn't bother us as much as this quote from Shepherd:
Oh, sometimes I say, 'Lord, Juanita Bynum or Joyce Meyer would be so good at this table [on The View]. They could lay hands on Barbara Walters and get her saved.' I ask the Lord, 'Why am I here?' I have to trust God when He says, 'Because I said so.'
You're not alone, Sherri. It's safe to say all of America has asked themselves — while watching clips from The View — why you are there.
[Source]
Jesse Helms, the conservative former senator who spoke loudly and often about things like gays being "revolting" and Martin Luther King Jr being un-American, died early Friday morning at the age of 86. One can't help but wonder if the God the fiery Baptist so loved was making a statement by squelching such an effusive bigot on America's most celebrated day of freedom and independent thinking. Good riddance, etc.
Just like their best friend Jesus, those Westboro Baptists will not die! This time, the crazy inbreeders are promising to picket the recently deceased George Carlin's funeral, because, according to them, he was a "blasphemous potty-mouth." They also claim Carlin was murdered by God. Yay!
The Church's full press release after the jump.
CONTINUED »
Yay! Just in time for perhaps the most important election in modern American history comes another film in which rich liberals literally laugh at poor conservatives. Yes we can!
Hot on the heels of the mockumentary hit Borat, which found Sacha Baron Cohen hilariously breaking the personal possessions of people with whom he didn't agree, judgmental comic Bill Maher is releasing Religulous, an attack film on your God. And attack he does: In the trailer alone, Maher says religion is worrisome, ridiculous (there's the title!) and crazy; he also compares God to Santa Claus and calls praying "murmuring." Who you calling elitist? Oh, right…
The thing is, we agree with Maher about a lot of this stuff, but does he really think the cultural landscape needs another 90 minute bundle of condescension? In our experience, try as one might, hurting people's feelings rarely changes their beliefs; so what do movies like Borat and Religulous provide but sideshow-style entertainment for Democrats on the coasts to enjoy in darkened rooms?
We should have seen this coming: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt started a Web site titled — of course — speidiweb.com. Spencer promises daily blog posts, pictures and quizzes: "You can do everything here that you can do on facebook or myspace," Mr. Pratt brags. Our favorite part, however, is Heidi's blog full of inspirational Bible verses. We're pretty sure God isn't interested in any of this nonsense, but what do we know?
Beyonce, explaining God's preferential treatment:
I can’t really go to church any more, which is a shame. People have come up to me in church during the sermon and, of course, people watch everything I do. They come up and take my picture on their mobile phones. They’re very nice, but I think God understands if I miss Sunday service.
[Source]
Some condensation that slightly resembled Jesus Christ crying appeared on the window of an Orlando hospital this weekend and left pious observers in a flurry of excitement and tears. "When you are standing there … you are like, 'Wow, I'm actually here,'" said one man who is desperate for answers in this cold, cold world. Amid the excitement, nobody witnessing the phenomenon thought to sit and try to understand why God would prove his existence with vainglorious magic instead of just ending global hunger with a wave of his hand.
The man who co-wrote Mel Gibson's hit horror movie, The Passion of the Christ, is suing the lying filmmaker for allegedly conning him into taking a salary inconsistent with the film's budget. Benedict Fitzgerald says that Gibson told him Passion's funding would be between $4 million and $7 million. In fact, Fitzgerald claims, the movie cost seven times that (IMDB says $30 million), and he wants more money. Pious Christian that he is, Gibson is now attempting to seal the film's financial records so that the public won't know he's a sanctimonious, traitorous cheater. God bless him.
Joseph Simmons, the seminal rapper turned reverend and star of reality show Run's House, is selling the very home for which his show is named. The property boasts six bedrooms, five bathrooms and a three car garage, and it's listing price is $5.5 million.
No word yet as to why Run is parting with such splendor. Maybe the reverend has finally taken Matthew 19:24 to heart, which says, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." Then again, maybe not.
• When advertisers give a damn, good things can happen. [INO]
• The new, improved Bond girls! Now with villainous-sounding real names, too! [EBG]
• Stars as gods (which, in reality, would probably make them less worshiped). [CityRag]
• Meg Ryan, where ya been? [ICYDK]
• Britney Spears skipped another court hearing! Yay, justice system. [Yeeeah]
• Whoa: "Internal emails indicate a race-based culture war within the Democratic National Committee." [Queerty]
Nice one, GOP. Mike Huckabee, late 2007: "There's only one explanation for it, and it's not a human one. It's the same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed a crowd of five thousand people…that's the only way that our campaign could be doing what it's doing."
See? God made him win! Seriously: "Polls showed that more than 8 in 10 of Mike Huckabee’s supporters described themselves as evangelicals."
Clinton came in third.
How do people reconcile their belief in God with the existence of Brandon Davis, who gains entry to "exclusive" parties by shouting, "Open the fucking door, you goddamn fucking queers"? Aren't the two mutually exclusive? Why hasn't the Lord given all this guy's money to sick children? We figure the least He could do is order someone to sacrifice the kid (a la Abraham).
Editor
