Arizona State University is a place where scantily clad women can suddenly appear and convince two cadres of frat guys to star in a porno. So it wouldn't be surprising if the little in-joke hand sign among ASU students was "The Shocker." Alas, despite appearances, the gesture Arizona State fans throw in support of their Sun Devils is the "pitchfork," which distinguishes itself from its vulgar cousin with the separation of the index and middle fingers.
But for a moment, squint your eyes and pretend that George W Bush is seen here givin' the ol' Shocker with the Arizona State Track Team. How many times do you think someone had to say, "No, Mr President, those two fingers apart," and he would just go, "Hey, Dick, lookit this. Dick, lookit! Heh heh heh"?
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Watching which luxuries people are relinquishing in these financially dreary times is like watching a neat little piece of sociological theater. While I've given up Whole Foods in favor of Trader Joe's (like a common urchin), young men in Tampa are abstaining from strippers. In Fort Pierce, Florida, the crackheads are being asked to calmly suppress their habit (the cost of which has doubled) and they're fucking crackheads!
With the whole world falling down, don't for a second think the ultra-wealthy aren't tightening their belts. They may be richer than God, but this recession is leaving no pocket unpicked. Subsequently, Manhattan's elite have emerged from their caviar comas and realized that arbitrarily priced canvases spattered with paint aren't worth more than the homes of the vast majority of the world's population.
Yesterday, artist Francis Bacon's "Study for Self Portrait," a piece Christie's estimated would collect $40 million plus, went unsold with nary a bid. WHAT MADNESS IS THIS!!!?!?!?!?!?!?
OUR TRASHY WORLD • Hey, angry blog commenters, if you thought we were "insulting the first fam" (oh, the irony in that quote!), put this in your pipe of indignation: "Hope Toast" on eBay. "Keep it real with Obama Hope toast! Barack Obama has miraculously appeared on a piece of toast I was preparing for breakfast. … Nothing has been added to the bread - no butter or oils."
THAT'S TOAST YOU CAN BELIEVE IN!!!!
A meticulously crafted fake edition of The New York Times broadsheet is being given away throughout the five boroughs today. Purportedly from July 4, 2009, the future-paper, the work of a team of infamous pranksters, tells of a world gone perfect, one in which the Iraq war is over, maximum wage laws have been enacted and people have collectively decided to stop burning their youths away toiling as lawyers and businessmen. It's a great gag, but also a cruel one—your eyes will never see these headlines on an authentic newspaper.
Check out the online edition here before the real Times sues everyone into hell.
Sarah Palin was on The Today Show yesterday with secretly-roasted Matt Lauer to discuss how annoying it was that Katie Couric asked her about what newspapers she read in Alaska:
To me that was a little bit annoying. Because I'm like, what do you mean, what do I read in Alaska? I read the same things that you guys read in New York. And there in LA and in Washington state. What do you mean what I read up there? But anyway, just– just some annoyance, that certainly I'm sure showed through. And, you know, perhaps that annoyance that showed through would have led some to be annoyed with me watching the interview.
Except, erm, hate to stop ya there Sarah, but we have this thing called YouTube now, and you can see for yourself that's not the question the Couric asked you.
SHOUT OUT FROM SARAH PALIN, Y'ALL • "Ms. Palin directed most of her media criticism at liberal bloggers, whom she twice called, 'those bloggers in their parents' basement just talkin' garbage.'"
LOHAN ON OBAMA • "It's an amazing feeling, y'know? It's our first colored president."
DIVIDE AND CONQUER Only three days after the election, the conservatives are doing exactly what we Obama maniacs hoped they would. Rather than taking their loss Tuesday in stride, regrouping and focusing on getting stronger, the right is consuming itself with useless finger-pointing. The Free Republic forum, a major Web destination for conservatives and nationalists, is calling for a boycott of Fox News for being too harsh to Sarah Palin in the wake of the election. Hahahahaha. Rejoice! Machiavelli would be proud.
LET THE MCCAIN-PALIN INFIGHTING BEGIN!!! "On Wednesday, two top McCain campaign advisers said that the clothing purchases for Ms. Palin and her family were a particular source of outrage for them. As they portrayed it, Ms. Palin had been advised by Nicolle Wallace, a senior McCain aide, that she should buy three new suits for the Republican National Convention in St. Paul in September and three additional suits for the fall campaign. The budget for the clothes was anticipated to be from $20,000 to $25,000, the officials said. Instead, in a public relations debacle undermining Ms. Palin’s image as an everywoman 'hockey mom,' bills came in to the Republican National Committee for about $150,000, including charges of $75,062 at Neiman Marcus and $49,425 at Saks Fifth Avenue. The bills included clothing for Ms. Palin’s family and purchases of shoes, luggage and jewelry, the advisers said."
THIS. FUCKING. ELECTION. The past year boiled down into a single black column of giddy resentment.
Ooooooh BURN! Sarah Palin, the gun-toting ice bride who as of late has been calling Barack Obama "Barack the Wealth Spreader," seems to have forgotten that the policies of the Ice Planet Hoth, over which she governs, are rife with the very same socialistic practices she claims to hate soooooo much.
This from elitist Kuran The New Yorker:
The state that she governs has no income or sales tax. Instead, it imposes huge levies on the oil companies that lease its oil fields. The proceeds finance the government’s activities and enable it to issue a four-figure annual check to every man, woman, and child in the state. One of the reasons Palin has been a popular governor is that she added an extra twelve hundred dollars to this year’s check, bringing the per-person total to $3,269. A few weeks before she was nominated for Vice-President, she told a visiting journalist—Philip Gourevitch, of this magazine—that “we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs.”
SHARE THE WEALTH???!!!! NEVER, YOU COMMIE PIG WOMAN!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE PALIN'S IN THE TANK FOR OBAMA AND HIS COMMUNIST MUSLIN ANGRY BLACK CHRISTIAN BROTHERS??!!
David Letterman's disdain for the guests his job requires him to interview is becoming less and less subtle, and it's an absolutely glorious thing to behold.
After the jump, watch as Letterman uses Hills star Lauren Conrad's promotional rambling to sell his book and presents her with the theory that maybe she's the reason people hate her. The host also takes some time to go off on LC's mortal enemy, Spencer Pratt. Enjoy.
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PALIN SUPPORTERS NOW THREATENING EACH OTHER'S LIVES "Heated words between drivers leaving Sarah Palin’s rally Monday allegedly escalated with one man brandishing a loaded handgun. Jack B. Cheskaty, 62, of Grand Junction, said he pulled a handgun because 'he wanted to be ready for anything' in what started as a verbal spat between drivers … Cheskaty and three family members were riding in a Chrysler, moving slowly in a line a traffic. A man behind the wheel of a Kia SUV attempted to inch in front of Cheskaty’s Chrysler, the affidavit said. 'If you want to get ahead of me you’ll have to deal with my insurance agency,' Cheskaty allegedly shouted. The Kia’s driver reportedly replied, 'I’ve got insurance too.' The driver in the Kia alleged Cheskaty then displayed a handgun, 'racked the slide' and held the weapon over the steering wheel, according to the affidavit. A 14-year-old girl riding in the Kia noted, 'Dad, he’s got a gun.'"
Sad money puppet Paris Hilton has purchased an East London building that once housed a brothel frequented by horny sailors. It's an odd investment for the Beverly Hills chihuahua, but even odder is that, for some reason, she's convinced her new building used to be a pirate dungeon:
It’s just beautiful. It doesn’t have regular rooms but is more like a maze. It used to be an opium den and still has iron joists where pirates and thieves were shackled to the wall.
Somewhere in London, a real estate agent is cackling all the way to the bank.
DIVA-ISH LOHAN'S 'BETTY' GIG AXED EARLY "It got so ugly on the set of 'Ugly Betty' between Lindsay Lohan and the popular ABC show's star, America Ferrera, that Lohan was cut from an agreed-upon six episodes to four. One production source said, 'It was a mess.' … One episode, titled 'Granny Pants,' was about how Lohan, playing Betty's high school nemesis, would 'de-pants' Ferrera. But Ferrera exacts her revenge and pulls down Lohan's pants instead. 'Lindsay wasn't wearing any underwear,' the source said. But a Lohan pal fumed, 'Bullshit! Lindsay wears underwear all the time now. She was wearing a G-string. And it was America's fault. They were rehearsing the scene and America wasn't supposed to pull Lindsay's pants down - but she did. Lindsay was so embarrassed, she started crying.' … The pal blames Ferrera for any issues, saying, 'America was mean to Lindsay. Producers give her too much power. Lindsay didn't do the last two episodes because America didn't like her and got her kicked off.'"
For all her apprehension about mingling with us snooty elites in the northeastern United States, with our iced coffee and our uncensored libraries, vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin sure loves our snooty, elite, northeastern department stores.
Politico breaks the news today that the Republican National Committee has spent $150,000 on clothing, accessories and makeup for the gunny Alaskan governor and her family since she joined the ticket in early September. Since then, single shopping outings for Palin et al have cost as much as $75,000 plus. Elite!
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