• John McCain believes bringing troops from Iraq is "not too important." But does he have a cute biking outfit? [SH]
• A plethora of celebrities took a break from being photographed outside LA nightclubs to be photographed at an LA sporting event. [PS]
• George Clooney reportedly broke up with Sarah Larson because she decided to get a boob job. Fair enough. [INO]
• Country singer Taylor Swift will attempt to steal the spotlight from Miley Cyrus in the upcoming Hannah Montana movie. [ICYDK]
• Donald Trump's headpiece actually moves. [DListed]
THE ODD COUPLE "Miley Cyrus isn't letting her semi-topless Vanity Fair photo scandal slow her down. In between concerts and filming Hannah Montana, she may also be gearing up to record a duet with John Travolta."
MOVING ON UP "Playboy editor Hugh Hefner says Miley Cyrus will be 'welcomed in the magazine' when she's of legal age. Hefner told Extra that the 15-year-old Hannah Montana star is a 'very pretty lady.'"
• This is a terrible rendition of a not very good song that can only be redeemed by lots of f-bombs. Sorry, Kel. [DListed]
• Despite the odds, Adam Sandler's daughter is very cute. [PS]
• "Man vs Wild: New York City" [CityRag]
• Madonna has upset adopted son David's biological father by saying it's "not even a possibility" David would have lived had she not swooped in to rescue the destitute Malawian boy. The baby daddy begs to differ. [ICYDK]
• One of Barbara Walters' crew members totally made Hannah Montana's toilet overflow, so Hannah sent Babs a golden toilet. Now it's showbiz history and the two gals both laugh at the incident. Oh, decline. [INO]
• Cindy Crawford doesn't age, and if you drink her blood you won't, either. Catch her if you can! [HT]
Now, any of America's daughters tired of their ugly dark mops and dead-end jobs as third-graders can just go to Orlando. For the low price of $109.95 (plus tax), Disney's beauty school dropouts will briefly give the delicate, impressionable babes the feeling of being a rich pop star with straight blond hair.
Start saving now for your child's trip, and remember to set up a second account for all the therapy she's going to need.
In news for the 13-year-olds, Miley Cyrus, also known as Disney's Hannah Montana, has legally changed her name. She wasn't born Miley or Hannah; instead, her parents thought it would be a good idea to name her Destiny Hope. Seriously.
Instead of going the porn route, she decided to change her name to Miley, a play off her nickname "Smiley." And, in honor of dad Billy Ray Cyrus, she changed her middle name to Ray.
We liked the original name. There was so much potential there.
TERRORISTIC TEEN ANGST "Authorities have charged a teenage boy who said he planned to hijack a commercial jetliner in an attempt to commit suicide…The teen wanted to crash the plane into a Hannah Montana concert in Lafayette, Louisiana…"
NEWSFLASH: Very poor people do crazy things in order to enjoy the luxuries people with money take for granted!
The Texas mother who helped her daughter win a ???Hannah Montana??? essay contest by making up a story about the girl???s father being a soldier killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq says she made a terrible mistake and hopes she can be forgiven.
???I meant no disrespect. I just made a bad decision which I sincerely regret,??? Priscilla Ceballos told TODAY co-host Matt Lauer in a prepared statement she read from Friday. ???I apologize to my daughter for getting her mixed up in his mess. I wanted to help my daughter realize her dream of seeing Hannah Montana.
Ceballos has become such a lightning rod for many Americans' hatred of their own lives and this goddamn war that she's been forced to move from her home.
Hey, psychos, leave this sad bastard alone! Sorry she capitalized on killing to win some fucking Disney tickets, but for months now Giuliani's been pimping out the memory of 9/11, and nobody's running him out of town. At some point in time, every good parent in the world says, "I will do anything to make my children happy." Time to wake up and realize that "anything" for the nation's underclass sometimes means "underhanded shit."
THE WORLD IS A GHETTO "A mother who helped her daughter fake an essay about her father dying in Iraq to win Hannah Montana concert tickets has denied trying to fool anybody…Her essay began with the powerful line, 'My daddy died this year in Iraq.' The letter went on to say the girl would 'give mommy the angel pendant that daddy put on mommy when she was having me.'"