I foolishly gave my e-mail address to an American Apparel store four years ago and now receive regular correspondence from the company reminding me things like "Summer's Back!" or "School's Here!" In the most recent message, this cluster of lithe bodies at left is described as a "Back to School look." Where these people matriculated I have no idea.

Is it any wonder a guy that looks like this is writing Lindsay Lohan's new songs for her and working on Lohan lover Samantha Ronson's forthcoming album? I have no idea what kind of music this Sam Sparro makes, but good money says we should all get ready for a lot of electronic keys and a vocoder.

I'm more than willing to admit that I (loosely) fit the "hipster" mold, but that doesn't mean that I'm forbidden from saying I hate goddamn hipsters.

Have them fight each other.

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As New York watches its Lower East Side, homeless junkie population gradually dwindle, it's also seeing its Lower East Side, wealthy slummer population grow. Are the two reciprocal? Perhaps, but don't go thinking that rich addicts aren't also crawling all over the LES and messing up the inverse correlation. Look out hep cats, here comes the Olsen twins:

Lower East Side pub crawlers, who tend to hop from bar to bar on skateboard, were a little surprised to see two black Escalades roll up to Orchard Street dive bar Sweet Paradise at 2 a.m. Sunday. Passing up standard hot spots, Mary-Kate Olsen and her posse slummed it up with some die-hard hipsters.

Reportedly, asked by a bystander which Olsen sister was inside, someone replied, "I think it was the fat one."

Does anyone else find anything odd about Juno star Ellen Page's explanation of her favorite nerd folk band The Moldy Peaches? ("It's hinging on novelty, but at the core of it, it is so beautiful and it is so honest.") Hey, that sounds like irony to us!

But there's no way everyone's favorite "indie" actress (sponsored by Fox) is admitting that she loves the quirky irony of her quirky hit film's backing band. That would be too transparent and, well, unironic.

What'll these hipsters think of next?!?!?!

Perhaps the only worthwhile criticism of my criticism of Juno was that I hadn't seen it and therefore could not have an accurate and valid take on it. I disagreed, but, for the sake of argument, I saw it last night (not on my own dime, mind you). The verdict: yup, sucky.

"Honest to blog"? "Phuket, Thailand"? "I am for shizz up the spout"? "It makes his junk smell like pie"? (And I could go on like this!) It's not that people don't talk this way, it's that people who do are fucking annoying, as is sitting through hours of a movie whose main offerings are esoteric pop culture references and odd names for ordinary things ("pee stick" instead of "pregnancy test"). And the deus ex machina of Juno leaving the abortion clinic because it was a possibility the fetus had developed fingernails? It's just as irritating as it sounds.

To be sure, the movie was not without its moments, but neither was The Heartbreak Kid, and people had aneurysms when I said that "wasn't awful." So why were they so quick to herald Juno?

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