Twilight, the teen, vampire, romance movie based on a hyper-successful series of books, has yet to be released and very possibly could be terrible. But that didn't stop throngs of screaming tweens from trampling each other yesterday at a Hot Topic autograph signing with the film's creepy lead, Robert Pattinson.

This violent display of idol worship took place not in some abandoned backwater, but "civilized" Western metropolis San Francisco. A young girl's nose was broken, the cops came and the event was cancelled, all because we're still having trouble teaching our kids to appreciate their teachers more than movie goblins.

If a stunted, cruel human being attaches his name to a hastily designed line of clothes, will anybody care? No, they won't! Not at all, in fact, as a report from the Saturday debut of Perez Hilton's clothing line indicates:

Some freaky lil employee [of a Hollywood Hot Topic] with a handful of wrist bands asked if I wanted to meet Perez Hilton at 6pm! I was like NO, I just ate. NO one wanted wrist bans (sic) it was kinda funny.

(cue the Nelson laugh)

Here's a sneak peek at Perez Hilton's new line for Hot Topic, which is sure to be a hit in the "13-year-olds with low self-esteem" market.

[Source]

Perez Hilton, the roly-poly gossip/celebrity/whatever, will soon release a branded clothing and accessories line.

Ranging in price from $1.75 to $46, the goods will include everything from lip gloss to flip-flops and be sold at America's favorite hub of suburban gloom: Hot Topic.

Pick up a t-shirt and let the world know you think it's funny when people draw sperm on women's faces.