Sarah Palin's sweet comeuppance continues! After being left as carrion by Fox News, the station that once gently coddled her, the Alaskan governor is trapped in her icy home state with a bunch of gotcha journalists wondering WHAT THE FUCK WENT WRONG!!?!??!?!!
Asked this week if it's true that she didn't know Africa is a continent, not a country, the bumbling, fumbling Palin employed a term used by former opponent Barack Obama – a term with which the GOP once took huge issue – to describe those Republicans who now question her intelligence: "bitter."
God is this ever a pleasure to watch.
For all the jokes about President Bush being borderline retarded that have been made in the last eight years, you would think that the man would leave well enough alone once he left the White House and stopped being the world's chief source of ridicule.
But no. Our 43rd commander-in-chief wants to publish his memoirs as soon as he gets out of office, despite the fact that no one is buying books in this bad economy, and no one wants to buy a book written by the guy who gave us this bad economy. So that's a double neg.
FROM HIS COLD, DEAD, LITTLE HANDS Let's hope Obama does something about the guns: "Authorities are investigating whether criminal charges should be filed in the death of an 8-year-old boy who fatally shot himself with an Uzi at a gun show in western Massachusetts, a prosecutor said Tuesday. Christopher Bizilj (Bah-SEAL) of Ashford, Conn., lost control of the 9mm micro submachine gun and shot himself in the head at the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo at the Westfield Sportsman's Club … Hampden County District Attorney William Bennett said Tuesday he is investigating whether it was a violation of the state's firearms statute … to allow the boy to fire the machine gun … 'At this point in the investigation I have found no lawful authority which allows an 8-year-old to possess or fire a machine gun,' Bennett said in a statement."
SORE, SCARY LOSERS "… a family who had supported Obama's campaign emerged from their home in the northwestern New Jersey town of Hardwick Thursday morning to find the charred remnants of a 6-foot wooden cross on their front lawn. Pieces of a homemade bed-sheet banner reading 'President Obama — Victory '08,' which had been stolen from the yard the night before, also were found, leading investigators to believe the banner had been wrapped around the cross before it was set afire."
Here it is, your Fox News briefing on just how frighteningly ignorant Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin is. Not sure what's scarier, that the middle-aged Palin thought Africa was simply the country where the blacks are, or that, had they won, the Republicans would be denying all this shit. What a rotten world.
Ralph Nader, public safety crusader and notorious wet blanket, skipped away with just one percent of the popular vote on Tuesday, a negligible amount that, thank Allah, bore no effect on the election (unlike the Green candidate's percentage in 2000). Upon being rendered meaningless by the general American opinion, the droopy-eyed, sad-assed Nader did what any bullshit attention whore does: he threw a disgusting temper tantrum, during which he tacitly called the President-elect an "Uncle Tom." Jeeeeeeeeezus, what a cheap prick!
After the jump, a video of Shep Smith taking Nader to task for his idiocy and making us feel queasy about having to agree with a Pox Newser.
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LET THE MCCAIN-PALIN INFIGHTING BEGIN!!! "On Wednesday, two top McCain campaign advisers said that the clothing purchases for Ms. Palin and her family were a particular source of outrage for them. As they portrayed it, Ms. Palin had been advised by Nicolle Wallace, a senior McCain aide, that she should buy three new suits for the Republican National Convention in St. Paul in September and three additional suits for the fall campaign. The budget for the clothes was anticipated to be from $20,000 to $25,000, the officials said. Instead, in a public relations debacle undermining Ms. Palin’s image as an everywoman 'hockey mom,' bills came in to the Republican National Committee for about $150,000, including charges of $75,062 at Neiman Marcus and $49,425 at Saks Fifth Avenue. The bills included clothing for Ms. Palin’s family and purchases of shoes, luggage and jewelry, the advisers said."
The most entertaining portion of last night's election coverage wasn't on CNN or FOX News — it was on Facebook, where all of the crazies congregated to update their statuses in rapid succession. As you may know, I spent the first 22 years of my life in Texas, so 90 percent of my friends on the networking site are Republicans. I did not know, however, that most of them are also clinically insane.
After the jump, my top 10 favorite (and by favorite I mean infuriating) statuses from the aftermath of Barack Obama's victory — and yes, the picture at left is someone's actual Facebook photo.
Oh, and the names have been hidden to protect the ignorant.
Update: E-mail me any appalling statuses you find on your friends' Facebook pages! E-mail to: whitney@mollygood.com.
Birthday boy Diddy, upon leaving his Manhattan polling site:
I felt like my vote was the vote that put [Barack Obama] into office. It was down to one vote, and that was going to be my vote. And that may not be true, but that's how much power it felt like I had.
[Source]
Today The View celebrated what is likely one of the last few days the ladies will offer anything interesting for our viewing pleasure, due to the light at the end of the political tunnel. Nobody wants to hear these hens sit around and squawk about menopause — we tune in every morning to see Elisabeth have a nervous breakdown in a fit of ignorant rage.
Over the last couple of weeks, Whoopi has been determined to cut to commercial the second Lissy starts going on a rampage, much to the disappointment of everyone desperate enough to be watching this show. But today she flat gave up after attempting to explain herself to Elisabeth for the hundredth time to no avail.
Please, Xenu, if you're out there, get Obama elected so we don't have to see this smug idiot's face tomorrow morning crowing about how the "good guys" won.
In a mere two sentences, Paris Hilton reveals how her thinking is a little askew (emphasis ours):
I admire people like Donald Trump, who are their brand. They go out there and promote their brand and themselves and they’re good people.
You had us right until the last statement, P. But you never really had us, what with you being a horrible human being and all. This just explains so much.
[Source]
Look guys, another Diddy blog! Get Out the Vote, right right, snoooze.
Except, did Sean Combs just say it was his birthday today?? How is that even humanely possible, that one of the greatest/most annoying advocates of democracy in hip-hop has a birthday that just so happens to coincide with election day? It's got to be a joke right?
Nope. It's not a joke. Happy birthday/Election Day, Diddy! Vote or be Born!
After the jump, a special birthday greeting from Diddy's staff of personal blogmakers.
Here, in 136 words, is all that's wrong with America:
Tired of struggling to find enough teachers to staff its classrooms on the Friday before the annual Georgia-Florida football game, the Clarke County (Ga.) School District — which includes Athens, home of the University of Georgia — decided to cancel school altogether. According to area media reports, 137 teachers last year called in sick the day before the big game, and the district was able to find only 113 substitutes. School administrators studied the absences over the years and found a pattern — almost twice as many teachers call in sick the Friday before the annual game in Jacksonville, Fla., about 360 miles away, than on an average school day. So the district decided to call off school the Friday before the game. And Clarke County is not alone; the schools in nearby Madison and Oglethorpe counties also are taking the day off.
In case you're still of the belief that Soulja Boy is nothing more than a young, benign rapscallion trying to find his way in a tricky world, once again, let us assure you: Soulja Boy is a pox on not just the music community, but also the black community.
Don't take our word for it, let the young embarrassment himself convince you:
Gwyneth Paltrow's newest project, GOOP, sounded terrible from the beginning; however, our fearless leader, David Hauslaib, valiantly signed up for the advice-dispensing newsletter. The verdict: "It's insufferable."
This month's inspiration is devoted to natural ways to improve your life, like sleeping. "Sleep eight hours or more each night," the newsletter advises. "Do what you have to do to get to sleep; there are plenty of natural agents that work." Yes, because the reason most Americans aren't sleeping is because they have bad cases of insomnia. It has nothing to do with the fact that everyone is too darn busy to catch eight full hours of sleep. Thanks, Gwyn!
Click here for the full GOOP October newsletter and prepare to be enlightened.
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Ooooooh BURN! Sarah Palin, the gun-toting ice bride who as of late has been calling Barack Obama "Barack the Wealth Spreader," seems to have forgotten that the policies of the Ice Planet Hoth, over which she governs, are rife with the very same socialistic practices she claims to hate soooooo much.
This from elitist Kuran The New Yorker:
The state that she governs has no income or sales tax. Instead, it imposes huge levies on the oil companies that lease its oil fields. The proceeds finance the government’s activities and enable it to issue a four-figure annual check to every man, woman, and child in the state. One of the reasons Palin has been a popular governor is that she added an extra twelve hundred dollars to this year’s check, bringing the per-person total to $3,269. A few weeks before she was nominated for Vice-President, she told a visiting journalist—Philip Gourevitch, of this magazine—that “we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs.”
SHARE THE WEALTH???!!!! NEVER, YOU COMMIE PIG WOMAN!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE PALIN'S IN THE TANK FOR OBAMA AND HIS COMMUNIST MUSLIN ANGRY BLACK CHRISTIAN BROTHERS??!!
MAN SHOOTS TEEN FOR VANDALIZING MCCAIN SIGN "Angered that two neighborhood teenagers knocked over a John McCain sign on his lawn, an Ohio man allegedly grabbed a rifle and fired three times at the duo as they sought to drive away from his Warren Township home. Kenneth Rowles, 50, was charged with felonious assault in connection with the Saturday afternoon incident, which resulted in one boy suffering a minor bullet wound."
Well aware that things aren't going well for their guy, Sarah Palin and a bunch of angry Iowa Republicans got together in Des Moines yesterday to whine about Barack Obama. While the vice-presidential nominee went on a crazy cat lady rant about how Obama's policies would make it so that the things a person buys aren't theirs (a lie, by the way), one of her supporter's decided to cut the chit chat and get right to the heart of the matter: "he's a nigger!"
Palin says nothing of the slur, a move that's cowardly at best and a tacit agreement at worst.
Video after the jump.
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