The Hills is returning next Monday, and the tabloids all got in on the reality show gossip this week — Lauren pulls a Heidi and gives Us Weekly an exclusive interview about how she was betrayed, and Audrina whores herself out to two magazines, attempting to get her own clothing line and insisting she doesn't want a boyfriend.
Life & Style continues to creep us out with their Baby Suri obsession. We're just waiting for an arrest to be made — or for an L&S staffer to appear on Dateline's To Catch a Predator.
Also this week: Jen scores two covers, Brangelina's clan is becoming the Brady Bunch and Adnan sends annoying text messages. Sounds fun, right? CONTINUED »
The tabloids were desperate this week, resorting to Brangelina lies and "Stars Without Makeup!" cover stories. Somehow, Ashlee Simpson's nosejob became relevant again, earning her the front page of Us Weekly. Congrats?
Everyone is still grasping at straws when it comes to Britney — this time she's about to declare bankruptcy and she hates her new life. Not outrageous enough, if you ask us.
Also this week: Lindsay makes excuses, Matthew McConaughey is gross and Heidi Montag gives an exclusive Lauren-bashing. Actually, none of that is particularly new. CONTINUED »
It's been a slow news week for Hollywood, which means Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are back to gracing the cover of Us Weekly and Brangelina are having problems again. It's the same song and dance, really.
Life & Style staffers continue to creep us out this week with their detailed floor plan of the Cruise family's new mansion and daily schedule of Tom, Katie and Suri. Is someone going to alert the police, or should we? Someone's bound to be doing something illegal.
Also this week: Prince Harry poops in the sand, Baby Shiloh has diaper rash and Marie Osmond is making up child abuse allegations. We miss Crazy Britney. CONTINUED »
Paris Hilton is serious about this new reality show of hers, and we can't decide if that's sad or hilarious. In Touch got all excited about scoring an exclusive interview with her, but they could have had a conversation with a 12-year-old and gotten the same type of responses:
I’m really excited about this concept — I’m going to meet a lot of great girlfriends. I never got to go to college and this will be my chance to be in a sorority and have that experience. It’ll be great to meet a girl who’s not too Hollywood, who I can get along with and hang out with when the show is done.
Of course, my real best friend will always be Nicole [Richie]. She’s like my sister — but now she’s busy with her daughter, Harlow.
Yikes. Baby Harlow better watch her back.
[Source]
We'll admit it: We miss Crazy Britney. Not that we don't want her to get better and have a huge comeback — we do. But this in-between stage is really boring, and we're not sure how to handle it. The tabloids are obviously feeling our pain, as they choose to either ignore her or report ridiculously over-the-top stories about how she's carrying a paparazzi fetus. Go easy on the mags; they're still learning how to cope.
In other news, babies are everywhere — from Brit and Brangelina to Kate Hudson and Katie Holmes. And, as you may have heard, J.Lo delivered her twins recently. As you can imagine, she was a complete sweetheart during the delivery process.
Also this week: Speidi keeps popping up, Kirsten sets a rehab deadline and Barack tries to snag the highly-coveted tabloid vote. CONTINUED »
Thanks to Jamie Spears finally controlling his daughter, the tabloids are fairly boring this week. And speaking of Brit, nobody can decide whether she's happy and getting her life back or she's living the life of a prisoner. We don't really care, as long as she isn't around any children — oh, she's teaching dance classes to kids? Fabulous.
Little sister Jamie Lynn is trying to keep up with Brit, this time whoring herself around and involving Lil' Romeo in a baby-daddy whodunnit. Pretty good, JL, but are you making your babies cry?
Also this week: Jessica plans to make her Dallas Cowboys curse permanent with marriage plans, Suri has a traumatic no-fast food upbringing and some idiots are paying $1,000 to inject botox in their armpits. Sign us up! CONTINUED »
The tabloids are finally getting over Heath Ledger's death, and it's about time, because at this point they're just grasping at straws. Most of the magazines have reverted back to their old habits: covering Brangelina. We want to stab our eyes out every time we are forced to read a "Jen's jealous!" cover story.
Perhaps Britney's stint at the psych ward did some good, because she managed to only land two covers this week. Of course, she brought enough crazy for all five magazines with her declarations of marriage and the fact that she really doesn't want her kids back. Good for her kids.
And famewhores Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are at it again, giving two completely different stories to both Us Weekly and Life & Style. Could it be they're not being honest with someone? Could it be they've never been honest in their lives? We don't care that much anymore, but obviously the tabs do. CONTINUED »
Britney's locked away in the psych ward this week, but that doesn't mean she's disappeared. She ends up in every single magazine with the exact same story: Brit's crazy. We didn't need to pay $3.99 to figure that out.
Mary-Kate Olsen is experiencing the Heath Ledger backlash, with Star going so far as to devote a four-page spread on how she and her twin sister are awful midgets. Or something like that.
And Life & Style continues on its solo mission to kidnap Baby Shiloh. This week, the mag reported that Shiloh has a stalker. It forgot to mention that said stalker is in fact Life & Style. CONTINUED »
Because the tabs missed Heath Ledger's death last week, this week we are treated to multiple angles of the actor's life: He was an awful person! He was a great person! He was addicted to drugs and didn't care! He tried to get help! TMZ wore us out with this last week. Let's move on.
The biggest news, of course, is Angelina's pregnancy. You know what this means: Expect a bombardment of Brangelina covers for the next nine months.
In other news, Lynne Spears tries to act like a mother, Heidi claims to be religious and Miley Cyrus is the next Britney. God help us all. CONTINUED »
Surprise: There was Britney Spears drama last night. We're kind of overwhelmed by it all, but here's what happened in a nutshell: Britney and Sam Lutfi got in a fight, causing her to cry outside her house and call Adnan Ghalib to rescue her. Sam wouldn't allow Adnan inside the gates and turned off Britney's phones. Sam sent a text to Adnan saying he was a bad influence and would end up killing Britney (pot, meet kettle). Brit finally escaped with another paparazzi friend and drove around for a bit. Adnan blocked traffic along Sunset Boulevard, wooed Britney into his car, and left the other paparazzi guy in Brit's car in the middle of the street. Adnan and Brit got a flat tire, but managed to make it back to her house. During all this hooplah, Lynne Spears showed up and later accompanied Brit and Sam to a drug store.
We're out of breath.
Luckily, the paps were there to catch everything on film, in case you're confused. Our favorite part of the video, hands down, is when a tabloid reporter tries talking to Britney's dad; when Jamie Spears doesn't answer, the reporter tries to get him to talk by assuring he's "from In Touch." Jamie is having none of it. We always knew he was the brains of the family.
[Source]
Congrats to Lynne Spears! This week, her daughters had a monopoly on all the covers — Jamie Lynn still has some work to do, however, because she only appeared on one compared to Britney's four. It seems the crazy trumps teen pregnancy every time.
Besides the onslaught of Britney drama, there's lots of Hills gossip and Hollywood stars who still refuse to come out of the closet. What more could you ask for? Exclusives with Tara Reid and Amy Winehouse? OK! has you covered!
So let's travel to a world where suicide threats and kidnapping are the norm, and Britney seems to have hit rock bottom. But for some reason, Intern Whitney still isn't so sure. CONTINUED »
The rascals at In Touch are running photos of a BlackBerry têxt-à-têxt they allege is gel-head JR Rotem confiding in them that he is the father of Britney Spears' as yet unshamed zygote.
According to the pics, JR said, "Its true," when asked if he impregnated Spears. In Touch's reply: "Ok awesome."
• Snoop Dogg is shaming the instructors from his etiquette school. [Stereohyped]
• I Am Scientologist. [Yeeeah]
• In Touch hired a private investigator to look into Tom Cruise's sexuality! This is not a joke! The world has gotten that bad. [DListed]
• The strike drags on like an episode of Two and a Half Men. [PS]
• Vanessa Minnillo in the Virgin Islands. I'll leave it to you to make some variation of the "but she's certainly not a virgin" joke. [HT]
• Another tool to scare children into believing they're constantly being watched. Cute! [INO]
• "Common likes himself some Serena." (Of course, improper English for stories on black celebs.) [ICYDK]
• Who can say "gay"? [Queerty]
Look! It's me, Cord, with Trent from Pink Is the New Blog. (Search Mollygood on Wikipedia and it takes you to his entry. Weird, but I'm too indifferent to change it.) Where did this meeting of the typists occur? At In Touch magazine's fifth anniversary party. There was much to behold, and we beheld all of it. Boy did I dance badly, but to what I can't remember on account of being slightly tipsy. Drinking is an absolute necessity when swimming with the heeled and hatted sharks that attend these things. After the jump, the stories!
CONTINUED »
Those who thought it odd that Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon would get married after only one month of dating were right, extenuating circumstances were absorbing nutrients from the uterus of Anderson the night she walked down the aisle.
…despite denying she’s having a baby on her blog on October 3, a close friend confirms that the former Baywatch star is carrying Rick’s child. “Pam says that the pregnancy is fate and an incredible blessing…”
Incredible, indeed.
[Source]
Marc Anthony denies In Touch magazine's report yesterday that his wife is pregnant, perhaps with twins. Says Anthony's rep, ""Everyone calls about this every month with the hopes that they'll hit the mark…but no. No."
In your grandmother's voice: Well, someone should tell Jennifer that she's not getting any younger, and someday people are going to stop calling every month, because by then she won't be able to have children. So there. Now I'm going to play bridge with Phyllis.
More of a not pregnant Jennifer Lopez under here.
CONTINUED »
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