Less than one week after Ingrid Betancourt's rescue from a six-year stint as a rebel hostage, RCN-TV, a Colombian television station, announced yesterday that it is partnering with a Hollywood production company to make a movie about the former presidential candidate's bloodless liberation.

"We are honored to be first people allowed to reap the profits of this tumult," said an RCN spokesman, "and we will do our best to squeeze some high drama out of the disappointingly non-violent event."

JUST KIDDING! Nobody said that, but, trust us, those freaking vampires were thinking it.