A meticulously crafted fake edition of The New York Times broadsheet is being given away throughout the five boroughs today. Purportedly from July 4, 2009, the future-paper, the work of a team of infamous pranksters, tells of a world gone perfect, one in which the Iraq war is over, maximum wage laws have been enacted and people have collectively decided to stop burning their youths away toiling as lawyers and businessmen. It's a great gag, but also a cruel one—your eyes will never see these headlines on an authentic newspaper.
Check out the online edition here before the real Times sues everyone into hell.
Want further proof that change is sweeping the nation? Look no further than MTV's trailer for the new Real World, Real World: Brooklyn. Rather than advertising the show as a relentless, vodka-infused fuck party, as it has for years now, the station is attempting to sell the upcoming season as one of introspection and growth. ("What are you hiding?" asks the clip.)
Let's get real: Real World: Brooklyn is going to be nothing more than an excruciating, vodka-infused fuck party – this time with stressed out war vets handling knives!!!!!! – but it is interesting that MTV is suddenly trying to pretend there's still some meaning to its anemic pet project.
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The moment things began to turn around in Iraq is when the USO deployed Jessica Simpson.
-President George W Bush, who's still finding the humor in this bloody, endless, godforsaken war
You guys know Lara LoganC: She was that CBS correspondent/former swimsuit model who went to Iraq and inspired a brawl between a CNN reporter and a US defense contractor when they both fell in love with her. She's an inspiration to the children, really.
But now Lara is under fire for taking some souvenirs home from Iraq with her…and not just the baby that the contractor Joe Burkett knocked her up with:
"A man of his word," Barack Obama appeared on the O'Reilly Factor last night to be talked over and rudely interrupted in the "No Spin Zone." The two discussed the war on terror, Iraq, Iran and Pakistan, and there is really nothing stranger than watching a bullying, impatient blowhard and a cerebral, wordy politician try to have an intelligent conversation. Never fear, though. We have all next week to get used to it. Fox is milking this one sit-down for all it's worth, and will stretch it over several episodes. O'Reilly promises that it will be "fairly extensive and provocative."
The Republican National Convention attempted to match the star-studded DNC with a comedic routine by First Lady Laura Bush, who took to the stage to defend her husband's 8-year mistake.
'America is in the middle of a heated campaign,' she said, '… but you haven’t heard very many facts.'
'In honor of our nominee,' she continued, 'let’s call this a little straight talk.' The First Lady proceeded to tick down a list of President George W. Bush’s accomplishments, including the 'No Child Left Behind' education changes, freedom for Iraq and Afghanistan and HIV-AIDS relief in Africa.
'You might call that change you can really believe in,' she said with a grin.
Or we could call it a load of crock.
[Source]
All My Children, that soap opera you consumed for twelve hours of when you were stuck at home post-yanking of your wisdom teeth, launched an open casting call for a real-life Iraq war veteran. Well, that sounds like it might actually be a good idea, in that it may bring the reality of war home for a demographic that prefers its stories fictionalized. Like on Army Wives. Oh wait, no.
Once again using her late stepbrother as justification for her ridiculous actions, Heidi Montag announced she and boyfriend Spencer Pratt are planning a trip to the Middle East to perform for the troops. Haven't the troops suffered enough?
My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq. It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.
And don't worry about how the reality show duo plans to pay for this trip — John McCain's daughter Meghan (and Heidi's supposed new BFF) will be footing the bill, says Spencer: "Her dad definitely has some pull with the military. I think she’s going to put that together for us."
Wonder if Meghan is aware of this.
[Source]
ABC's Martha Raddatz asked American soldiers in Iraq what issues are most important to them when looking at the presidential candidates. … PFC Jeremy Slate said he supported Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., because of his stated intention to pull out of Iraq right away. "That would be nice," Slate said, "I'd like to be home, yea."
SFC Patricia Keller also expressed support for Obama, citing his representation for change.
…
Only moments before speaking with ABC News, the troops had been listening to Vice President Dick Cheney give a rousing speech, but it didn't change their political preference.Spc. Imus Loto said he supported Obama. "It will be something different. But he's out there and he'll probably support us a lot more."
Have you heard? Hollywood's finally ready to follow the lead of Haliburton executives and turn a profit off of the war in Iraq. There's scripts flying in from everywhere about history's most unaccomplished "accomplished" mission, and producers are champing at the bit to get in on the action. One problem: the American public, pussies that we are, are still a little sore about the war in Iraq and unenthusiastic about the prospect of cinemas telling us fake stories about a real story the news won't acknowledge. Says Variety: "[Iraq war films] including 'Lions for Lambs,' 'In the Valley of Elah,' 'Rendition' and 'The Kingdom' misfired … " Misfired! Get it?
Let's hope the studios' reticence to release Iraq pictures gives way before those ridiculous $35 per ticket theaters open up; the irony will be so, so poignant.
• "He died for our sins; that's how awesome he is!" [DListed]
• Justin Timberlake has given $100,000 to a charity that supports music education. Hopefully Justin himself will benefit from the donation and learn a thing or two. [PS]
• JK Rowling used to be tremendously depressed and unable to conjure a happiness spell. [INO]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has been appointed as ambassador of the Save the Children charity, despite wickedly naming her kids Apple and Moses. [ICYDK]
• Heidi Klum, mother of three, is still allowing people to strip her down and paint her naked body. [HT]
• "4,000 Dead in Iraq: A Visual Reminder" [SH]
Today, on the fifth anniversary of the beginning of the war in Iraq, let us remember that 3,982 Americans and countless others from around the world have been killed in this conflict. Most of the American dead were under the age of 25. Currently, there is no real plan to bring the soldiers home.
COLLATERAL DAMAGE "Coverage of the war has cost the lives of 180 Iraqi and foreign journalists and cost the world's news organizations tens of millions of dollars a year to keep bureaus open in Baghdad and turn out war news that is, surveys suggest, at a low ebb in terms of public interest."
Again: UN goodwill ambassador Angelina Jolie is in freakin' Iraq! From these pictures, we can gather she's been eating chow in the mess and somberly taking notes in some meetings. But what's she actually doing there? "She's here in her official capacity to talk to government officials, the military and the United Nations about Iraq's refugees and displaced persons." Ah, OK.
Behold: Jolie's "official" findings:
"There are over 2 million internally displaced people and there doesn't seem to be a real coherent plan to help them," Jolie told CNN. "There's lots of goodwill and lots of discussion but there seems to be just a lot of talk at the moment and a lot of pieces need to be put together…"
WHOA! Iraq is chaotic? Thanks, Angie. Keep up the good work.
• Angelina Jolie is in Iraq! No, not fighting. [Jossip]
• Aretha Franklin's R-E-S-P-E-C-T-I-N-G her body with a new fitness program. [DListed]
• Vince Vaughn takes some time off of drinking, smoking and whoring to work. God bless him. [PS]
• Lindsay Lohan says "fuck you." [HT]
• Javier Bardem went crazy because of a weird haircut. Maybe he's not as cool as we thought he was. [ICYDK]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt's fiancé doesn't care if you think she's fat. [INO]
• "Shiloh Jolie-Pitt Kidnapping Scare" [Yeeeah]
• Street art. Enjoy. [CityRag]
THE WORLD IS A GHETTO "A mother who helped her daughter fake an essay about her father dying in Iraq to win Hannah Montana concert tickets has denied trying to fool anybody…Her essay began with the powerful line, 'My daddy died this year in Iraq.' The letter went on to say the girl would 'give mommy the angel pendant that daddy put on mommy when she was having me.'"
Editor
