What's up with all the girlfriend bashing these days? First Isaac, then this clown and now we've this:

UNFORTUNATELY for Ashlee Simpson, holding hands and making out on a regular basis with Pete Wentz still won't make you his girlfriend. Wentz insists the two are not an item and told Rolling Stone, "Maybe in a different universe, we'd be some hot couple, but not in this one." Wentz even goes as far as to take a veiled swipe at his close "friend," saying, "I'm attracted to creative people and train wrecks, and there's no shortage of that in Los Angeles."

When did it become cool to publicly run your lady friends through the mud? Even worse is that the aforementioned trio of fucking losers dated Britney Spears, Nicole Richie and Ashlee Simpson respectively, and that list reads like a who's who of girls with scarily unhealthy self images. Well done, fellas.

Pete Wentz, just because you wear eyeliner doesn't mean you're not still a stupid, mean jock. You're just a stupid, mean jock who fusses over his appearance more, which is actually worse.

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• Always err on the side of too little with fake things (boobs, eyelashes, etc.). Sorry, Tyra. [DListed]

• The plot gets grosser in the Bahamas. [TMZ]

• Daily News with a pretty translucent blind item. [Jossip]

• Aguilera in the lad mags. [HT]

• Howard's got the baby. [INO]

• Ex-Idol's dad with the most tedious, drawn-out threat ever: "You know that guy I stabbed in Florida that didn’t die? Well it’s gonna be different this time because you are going to die." [Glitterati]

• Maybe funny. Definitely smart and talented. [NYT]

• Isaac Cohen kissing and telling: “She needed me to hold her and tell her what a beautiful girl she is. We would make slow love until the sun came up." Ewwwwww! "Make slow love?" [ICYDK]

• Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait…Isaac dumped her? [DListed]

• Keira Knightley breaking the big news that Hollywood can be a superficial wasteland. Thanks for sharing that secret. [TB]

• Even Top models get taken advantage of [HT]

• Cruise and Stiller are teaming up on a movie. After that they're going to work on a new religion in which you get circumcised by an alien and then you can go to heaven. [Celebitchy]

• Jesus gave Mark Wahlberg his abs. The Devil gave him "Good Vibrations." [INO]

• See red in a whole new light. Just in time for V-day. [NYT]

• Keith Urban taking his sobriety out on some sad-ass oil painter. [Glitterati]

Fashion Week in New York, guys. Wonderful! Much ado about nothing dragged out for an extended period of time! That's kinda fashion in a nutshell anyway, huh?

Britney was here, sans b/f Isaac and other Judaic paraphernalia.

A gum-smacking Britney Spears showed off her new brunette coif at Baby Phat's fashion show Friday night in New York. The 25 year-old singer showed up to the show in a lingerie-like black slip dress with several friends and body guards. But new boyfriend Isaac Cohen was nowhere to be seen.

"Britney seemed to enjoy herself," an attendee tells Usmagazine.com. "Except for some annoying girl that kept snapping pictures of her."

Only one annoying person snapping pictures is a good night for Britney, especially if there's no up-skirts.

By the way, here's some good pics for all the people bummed about Britney's less than groomed trip to Target. See? She cleans up nice, everyone. Lay off.

PS Anyone know how can I start hanging out with Andre Leon Talley and his fabulous hats? I'm gonna friend him on MySpace, but I'm sure that's too impersonal. It's a good initial step, though.

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'Member when Britney was Kabballin' out of control? Wearing the red bracelet, donating crazy money and tongue kissing Kabbalaha's most famous follower, Madonna? That all went the way of the pterodactyl soon enough, when she ended up getting kinda bored with that, y'all.

However, circumcised new beau Issac Cohen—a member of the tribe himself—must have her back on the Judaism wagon, as she was spotted last night sporting a big Star of David while she and Issac went out drinking, putting the "brew" into "Hebrew." Check it out here.

This girl changes religions like others change cell phone plans. Some may argue that's like having no religion at all.

• Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox are going to kiss on Dirt. Frustrated 15-year-old boys, start your Tivos! [IDLYITW]

• The 20 greatest guitar solos ever, with videos. This'll keep your burnout friends busy for about half an hour. Just enough time to bogart their stash. [CityRag]

• Isaac Cohen's starting to stress as his fame clock ticks to about 14 minutes and 37 seconds. [ASL]

• Hollywood is wrestling with who's going to be most like the President in West Wing. Obama's a smoker like him, and I'd say black is more in vogue. Go with it, Affleck. [ABCNews]

• Nick Nolte hitting the bottle hard. [WWTDD]

• James Franco's not too bummed about Lohan. [Jossip]

• How come everyone's single? It's not you it's me. [NYT]

• Hugh Hefner's trying to get Victoria Beckham in Playboy's new Skeletal British Robots edition. [Egotastic]

• Muslims are pissed at 24 for misrepresenting them as terrorists. Canadians are pissed at Kiefer Sutherland for misrepresenting them as tough and strong-willed. [MSNBC]

• Richard Gere needs to meditate and take a Valium. [TMZ]

• Isaac Cohen getting free shit for being the boyfriend of a famous single mom. [DListed]

• Lohan looking stylish, even in rehab. [INO]

• "And I won't stop (looking at boobs), 'cause I can't stop (looking at boobs)." Diddy's not very subtle. [WWTDD]

• The late Adrienne Shelly's film is premiering at Sundance. [NYT]

Here's photographic evidence that Britney Spears definitely has a type. Having formerly been a slight one myself, I can say that, without a doubt, her type is the "bro." These pics only show her most recent two bros, but remember that jackass she married in Vegas? Total bro, too. Anyway, here, Isaac and Kevin are headed to casting calls in the armpit of LA people call "the Valley." Note the shoes, the unshaven scruff, the cockeyed hats, the cagey stares. Do you see that deflated look in their faces that tells you they know they're being judged? That's how everyone in the Valley looks. If they don't look like that, you know they're studio execs who could buy Russia.

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According to People, this weekend Britney Spears and her new actor/model bro Issac Cohen spent a night in the Hugh Hefner Sky Villa Suite at the Palms Casino in Vegas to the tune of 40 grand. Here are the amenities listed in order from totally-useless to complete-waste-of-fucking-money: indoor Playboy pool, pop up plasma TVs, eight foot rotating bed, personal glass elevator and a poker table. Thank God the poker table was in there. Without a poker table in the room, where are you gonna find a place to play cards in Vegas? Anyway, I guess they "danced and smoked cigarettes" at a gay club before calling it quits after an hour and retiring to the EIGHT FOOT ROTATING BED. At what point after having children does a person stop spending tens of thousands of dollars on Playboy bunny pools and spinning love dens with the new fling? Just asking.

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