HE'S STILL ALIVE? "Jackass star Steve-O will be charged with the felony of possession of a controlled substance. … Steve-O was arrested at 5 a.m. this morning at his apartment after a neighbor called in complaining about vandalism at the apartment building."
Bastion of health and conviction Jason Davis was arrested and jailed Friday night in Los Angeles for cocaine possession. The next day Davis' stepfather, surely used to this sort of thing, posted the roly-poly heir's $10,000 bail and escorted him home. No lessons were learned.
R&B singer Ne-Yo was reportedly arrested in Georgia for reckless driving and not having a valid license.
That's two arrests we've reported in one day. Barron Hilton makes three recent semi-celebrities in the clinker, and we are once again wondering what it all means.
Three sets of celebrity twins on the way, three D-listers in jail … Help us, Tom Cruise. Help us to make sense of this world.
[Source]
HUSBAND OF THE YEAR GREATLY ENABLED "[Blake Fielder-Civil] is such a loser that he is using wife AMY WINEHOUSE’s fame to feed his habit by trading signed pics of her for hits of heroin from other lags. Amy’s beloved 'Blake incarcerated' offers autographed snaps to greedy cons who hope to cash in by selling them on the net. In return for his grubby currency they hand over a 'Joey' – slang for a hit of heroin worth a few quid."
Amy Winehouse's husband — whom we lovingly refer to as "Blake Incarcerated" — almost died from a drug overdose. In prison. Because they deal out free heroin?
Blake Fielder-Civil was rushed to the jail's hospital block when he collapsed in agony after taking what he thought was heroin.
Guards found the 35-year-old writhing in pain and vomiting violently in a cell. They instantly set off alarms and activated emergency procedures to save his life.
A probe was launched and prison officers found he had taken a drug believed to be heroin, mixed with a toxic substance.
Just days before the overdose he was hauled in front of prison bosses for failing THREE random drug tests. He was locked in solitary as a punishment, but was soon back in search of a fix.
After failing the drug tests, Blake was banned from all contact with the outside world — leaving him fearful over his relationship with Amy.
Um, how the hell did he manage to get his hands on drugs four times in a row? And why hasn't Amy left him yet?
[Source]
Anyone remember Lane Garrison? No? He's the guy from Prison Break who was sentenced to over three years in prison after he was involved in a drunk driving crash that killed a teenager.
In a desperate effort to make sure nobody forgets him, Garrison sent a letter to Access Hollywood from prison. As you do.
Greetings and Happy New Year to you and everyone at Access Hollywood from Donovan State Prison. Never did I think I would be saying the words ‘happy and prison’ in the same sentence and not be on a set. It’s pure irony coming from the show and now living the real deal. It’s surreal and mind-blowing to say the least.
Just this past Monday they let a group of inmates watch the season premiere of Prison Break. It felt like an out of body experience as I stood around a crowd of tattooed felons watching Michael Scofield try to escape … all of us longing to be free as well!
This has been the hardest year of my life. I hope people, young and old, are learning from my mistakes and what can happen when you drink and drive. I have much to say about the pain I’ve felt and seen inside of prison. It has been eye-opening and a harrowing experience.
Aw, poor guy. He seems to have really learned something from …. Wait, who were we talking about? We already forgot.
[Source]
• NOW HE'S GIVING MILITARY SALUTES TO PORTRAITS OF L RON HUBBARD!!!!! [Yeeeah]
• 22-year-old Lily Allen suffered a miscarriage. No funnies about that. Let's move on. [DListed]
• Unironic mustaches: always good. [PS]
• Sarah Jessica Parker revealed to Allure that she used to be often told to get her nose "fixed." And it wasn't even broken. [INO]
• Kiefer Sutherland is getting out of the pokey on Monday after 48 days inside for DUI. Walk to work Monday, LA. [ICYDK]
• Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Hill World had a birthday party. All this time we thought she had a manufactured date. [HT]
• A drunk and busty Tara Reid retrospective. [CityRag]
• Kenya's a powder keg. Check it out. [NYT]
Blake Fielder-Civil, Amy Winehouse's imprisoned, drug-addled, jury-tampering, weaselly husband, is reportedly considering divorcing the particularly damaged crooner.
The singer's dad Mitch claims his son-in-law said he was ready to call it a day during a recent spat with Amy.
'Blake threatened to issue divorce proceedings when they were having a row,' he says.
…
'From Amy's point of view, she would stick by him not matter what. But he has said things like, “I want a divorce”.'
A major proponent for the divorce is Blake's mother, who, clearly: doting.
[Source]
THEY ARE NOT LIKE US Limp-wristed celebrity justice isn't just for rich white women anymore. It's for rich black men, too: "Beanie Sigel was sentenced to one day in federal prison on Wednesday (January 9) for a violation of his probation…In 2005, the Rocafella artist served a year in federal prison on a gun conviction."
CELL BLOCK EASY STREET "'Lost' star Michelle Rodriguez has been released from [prison] early, having served just 17 days. She was originally sentenced to 180 days in the clink stemming from her DUI arrest."
What a year of decadence and depravity in Hollywood, huh? Throughout the last 12 months, Lindsay Lohan went to rehab and jail, Britney Spears went to rehab, Paris Hilton went to jail, Nicole Richie went to jail, Kiefer Sutherland went to jail, Michelle Rodriguez went to jail and Anna Nicole Smith died.
We'll probably never know for sure exactly what the hell is wrong with these people (we assume it's a combination of too much fame and money and too little education), but we're almost certain their steady decline into mediocrity, criminality and early graves will not cease in 2008. The question is who will falter this year, and in what way.
Here, let us make some predictions:
CONTINUED »
WHAT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER CELL BLOCK BREAKS? Romance isn't dead, it's just imprisoned: "Amy Winehouse is set to renew her wedding vows to her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, in Pentonville Prison on Friday (January 4)…Civil-Fielder is currently in jail waiting to enter a plea for charges of perverting the course of justice."
Michelle Rodriguez checked herself into a Los Angeles jail on December 23, beginning a six-month sentence for probation violations. The lost Lost actress frequently defied probationary requirements, failing to complete community service and drinking during times of ordered sobriety.
Rodriguez must serve her sentence in its entirety, so she will miss out on New Year's Eve and St Patrick's Day celebrations—a true blow for the sad alcoholic.
Well-known pet owner Michael Vick has been sentenced to 23 months in prison for a laundry list of felonies associated with a dog fighting ring he was convicted of financing. Vick, 27, had been facing a maximum sentence of five years.
Vick also agreed to pay more than $900,000 for the care of dozens of pit bulls seized from his Virginia home.
It is still unknown whether or not the criminally violent ex-Atlanta Falcon will ever be allowed to return to the field and smash into other men for the amusement of others.
Hero torturer and eager drinker Kiefer Sutherland checked himself into the Glendale City Jail last evening.
Following a second DUI conviction, Sutherland is set to serve 48 days behind bars.
His sentence will find him in prison for his birthday, Christmas and New Year's Eve, which teeters very close to cruel and unusual punishment when imprisoning someone who likes to drink.
No matter their talent, there is not a stylist or makeup artist in the world that can make it so you won't puke when you stand up. You'll need a licensed physician and years of therapy for that, kiddo.
• "…Marie said, 'I hope we’ve grown up since then. I hope people look at the person and what they’ve done.' Her brother’s facial expression speaks to the larger social political reality." [Jossip]
• Salma Hayek stays out of the picture, now working on a she-wolf project. [Queerty]
• Lindsay Lohan meets the revolving door justice system. [DListed]
• "I see a guy who looks like he's been beaten with a baseball bat." Sure! [PS]
• Heidi Klum naked, but not. [HT]
• Jessica Simpson wants to date a man who is invasive and clingy. [INO]
• "What is Britney doing with her mouth?" [ICYDK]
• Hayden Panettiere is wanted in Japan for more than just her Heroes memorabilia. [Yeeeah]
• Top Model recaps for the fan out there. [CityRag]
Even when she's not just visited her husband in jail on the charge of "perverting the course of justice," Amy Winehouse looks to be in a state of distress. At least this time we can be sure she's not weepy and glazed because of the harsh come-down.
Editor
