• Lindsay Lohan is a fan of the creepy Sarah Palin Halloween mask. Is Samantha Ronson going to dress up as a wolf? [Yeeeah]
• Eva Longoria says she's still a size 0, even though she got "fat." [ICYDK]
• Even when he's doing good deeds, Justin Timberlake comes across as a d-bag. [PS]
• Johnny Depp is Cosmopolitan's sexiest man alive, followed by George Clooney and … Jake Gyllenhaal? [INO]
• Amy Winehouse is now making coke-infused cotton candy. Good to see she's using her time wisely. [DListed]
• Innocent little Audrina Patridge is desperately trying to extend her 15 minutes of fame. [HT]
• Brooke Hogan: The epitome of class. [Yeeeah]
• Charlize Theron tells guests in her home looking for the bathroom to "take a left at the Oscar." That's actually kind of awesome. [INO]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal looks … tired. [ICYDK]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are sad because they have a long-distance relationship. You know what else is sad? When people can't afford to fly to see their families. Man up, you two. [PS]
• Britney Spears' sad attempt to disguise herself from the paparazzi. [DListed]
• Not as adorable as Rupert, but this little puppy will have to do for now. [CityRag]
[Source]
Reese Witherspoon is not going to be happy: Rumor has it her boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal is about to get a new co-star by the name of Abie Cornish. This should sound familiar, because while Reese was married to Ryan Phillippe he starred in a movie with Abbie, which resulted in Reese and Ryan's divorce and Ryan and Abbie's current romantic relationship. Our head hurts.
Anyway, Jake and Abbie are being pegged to star in a new movie about a private expedition to the moon to create a Lunar colony, which won't be nearly as interesting as the drama that should be taking place off set. According to a source, "It could work out as long as Reese doesn't visit Jake on the set." Except it's never that easy.
[Source]
Welp, with Prince of Persia, you've done it again, Hollywood! You've toyed with history in order to cast a very white person in a heroic role probably more suited for a person of color, just so that other white people will be comfortable spending their money to see it.
Remember, kids: When Persians are evil, like in 300, they're dark, but when Persians are princely, they're as white as Jake Gyllenhaal!
• Jessica Simpson attempts her best "sexy" face. [HT]
• "Ali Lohan is ready to follow in big sis Lindsay's musical footsteps" is not a compliment, Ali. Sorry. [INO]
• What the hell happened to Jake Gyllenhaal? [ICYDK]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson got matching tattoos, because that's what BFFs do. [Yeeeah]
• Sacha Baron Cohen's daughter: A mini-Borat. [PS]
• The next classic Hollywood has decided to destroy: The Witches of Eastwick. We give up. [DListed]
• Eva Mendes flashes everyone for half a second in her new Calvin Klein commercial. Predictably, the world is going nuts. (Slightly NSFW) [ICYDK]
• Terrible idea of the day: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are planning to get married. Oh, and it's going to coincide with her album release, of course. [INO]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal will not be getting married this winter. Why anybody cares is beyond us. [PS]
• More proof of the end of days: Justin Timberlake might host the Oscars. [DListed]
• Balthazar Getty finally wised up and dumped Sienna Miller. [Yeeeah]
• Just what we've always wanted: A gallery of Chris Brown's tattoos. [CityRag]
• Big Brother already has its first racial slur, and the season just started two days ago. [DListed]
• Miley Cyrus seriously needs to just stop taking pictures of herself. [Yeeeah]
• Jay-Z's hotel request: "One giant watermelon was split in two and ornately carved into a mold of Beyonce's breasts. Two cherries were used as nipples." [INO]
• Who wants to see Britney Spears shooting a video in an elevator? [PS]
• Jake Gyllenhaal finds his Blackberry more interesting than Reese's kids. [PITNB]
• The end is nigh: Tyra Banks has been named the hardest working person in showbusiness. [ICYDK]
ARIAS WITH TWANG? "The New York City Opera has commissioned an opera based on 'Brokeback Mountain,' the Annie Proulx short story that became the basis for the 2005 Oscar-winning movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal and the late Heath Ledger. The critically acclaimed film caused controversy with its unabashed portrayal of a homosexual romance between two ranch hands. It won three Academy Awards. City Opera tapped Charles Wuorinen to compose the opera, which is to premiere in spring 2013."
• Seriously, how do people like this get through life without being beaten to death? [INO]
• A new book of sex scandal stories about dead famous people will be released soon. Rest in shame! [DListed]
• Surprisingly, prima donna actors are having a difficult time on the set of Nailed, a film by David O Russel, the director known to call his actors and actresses "cunts." [PS]
• Kiefer Sutherland looks to be off the sauce. Good for him, bad for Anheuser-Busch. [CityRag]
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have again broken up. Wah wah. [Yeeeah]
• America Ferrera, on moving Ugly Betty filming to New York: "I’m excited. I’m a little nervous too. New Yorkers are really cool." And don't you forget it, hippie! [ICYDK]
• Clearly, we should not have made jokes about Latarian Milton, who was recently been institutionalized after attacking his grandmother. [DListed]
• Angelina Jolie has confirmed she's having twins, which the tabloids did months ago. It's time for celebrities to stop letting the tabloids they claim to hate so much be right. [PS]
• "Reese Witherspoon And Jake Gyllenhaal Are Ready To Wed." Guess what: You're not invited to the wedding, so don't care about it. [INO]
• Megan Fox was once so poor she was forced to have hairy legs. Oh, gawd! That's almost as bad as being so poor you can't eat food. [ICYDK]
• Lohan + Ronson + hickeys = speculation [CityRag]
• "Mariah Carey Has Baby Fever." Uh, no duh—why do think she likes Nick Cannon? Zuh-ing. [Yeeeah]
• Had you forgotten that jerks everywhere are making sure "art" looks stupid? Check out this video for a reminder. We just got that professor an A in his own stupid stupidy stupid class for stupids. [Pop17]
• Cord Jefferson is now also an editor-at-large at Stereohyped. Check in over there once in a while, y'hear? [SH]
• The Olsen twins are releasing a book about their influences. It's going to be called Influence, and it's going to be a lie because it's not going to include cocaine. [DListed]
• Jakey G likes crossword puzzles. Swoon, nerd girls (and boys). [PS]
• Leonardo DiCaprio rocks out to Elton John, and that's more than fine with us. [INO]
• One of Snoop's sons is named "Corde." This is upsetting to us here at Mollygood. Very upsetting, actually. [ICYDK]
• LOLbritneys! [CityRag]
• Paris Hilton's birthday video: You've seen the pictures, now feel free to shudder while viewing the sluggish footage. [YouTube]
• Even soap opera stars do drugs. Who knew they got paid enough? [JJD]
• Can you believe it? Jake Gyllenhaal left Kirsten Dunst because she partied too much. We would have never guessed. [Us]
• We would try out for America's Next Top Model if we were guaranteed a shoot with Nigel Barker. And Tyra would have to promise never to poop in or remove her pants. [BuddyTV]
• Aretha Franklin can't catch a break, nor can those poor puppies she used to make her coat. [SH]
• The movie Heath Ledger was filming during the time of his death will bring on three Hollywood A-listers to continue his role. Wait … Heath Ledger died? Why didn't anyone tell us? [BBC]
• Evidently Details magazine is the place to be if you are a gay actor trying to act straight. [Details]
• We feel another Shanna Moakler-Paris Hilton fight brewing. [DListed]
Jake Gyllenhaal's romantic Roman getaway with Reese Witherspoon does a lot to put the kibosh on rumors of his homosexuality, but it does little in the way of squelching presumptions that he chooses awful mates:
[Witherspoon] told Elle magazine last month: “[My dad and uncle] taught me that in every relationship, the person least interested in maintaining it is going to dominate it, because they'll never compromise.
"So you have to always maintain that position of least interest, and you'll always control the relationship."
Wow, you know what, maybe Jake and I are both gay time travelers, because it sounds like he's dating me in college.
…I was stuck in a woman's bathroom once with Susan Sarandon. She was interviewing me for a magazine and we couldn't find a battery for our recording device so we ended up in a woman's bathroom.
I discovered…that day…that the floor in a woman's bathroom is colder than the floor in the men's. And, believe me, I've spent a lot of time on the floor of a men's bathroom so I should know!
'Twas a nice try at what we're assuming was supposed to be a joke about getting wasted and puking, Jake, but as the subject of childish yet nonetheless constant gay rumors, it would be wise to choose your words more carefully.
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is Sugar Magnolia:
Canine companions
make the best friends unless you
prefer pussy… cats.
Har, har, har. Choosing a second place winner this round was difficult, but I'd like to extend the honor to Gawker editor Emily Gould, whose coy but ultimately uninspired entry did not go unnoticed.
A new Someone Haiku is beyond the jump.
CONTINUED »
Never has morning news seen a gay joke so accidental and so unfunny.
Meredith Viera: Talk about movies with a heart: Brokeback Mountain. Did you have any idea when you were making that what you were sitting on, so to speak? So to speak - I probably shouldn’t use that term, actually. I apologize.
Jake Gyllenhaal: Wow! Uh -
MV: You make this movie and - wow - I’m sorry…
JG: Very well put, Meredith.
Because gays have anal sex, y'see? Har, har, har.
More Gyllenhaal after the jump.
CONTINUED »
In this clip from Showbiz Tonight, Jake Gyllenhaal is so good at using impenetrable rambling to avoid saying, "Torture is bad," you'd think he got lessons from all the best truth-molesters in the White House. And, while you might be tempted by his cute li'l eyes into submitting to whatever his point may be (can you find it?), snap yourself out of it when this beaut trickles out of his pretty lips: "I believe that governments and…Presidents should act as parents to a country, y'know?" No, Jake. No I don't know.
[Source]
Jake Gyllenhaal and his boyfriend were caught engaged in intercourse behind a restaurant called Chin Chins and nobody is the wiser? This is setting off the lie-dar.
Editor
