• This is an April Fool's prank for good.

• Jay Leno has apologized to the gay community for being a stupid face and asking a guest to make a "gay face." [DListed]

• "MTV Cancels The Hills!!!" [PS]

• Beyonce and Jay-Z might get married, so, y'know, give up your dreams of dating either of them. [INO]

• People are finding avenues outside of music through which to feed Amy Winehouse money she'll spend on drugs. [ICYDK]

• That one bikini model who strangles herself with her breasts is now reviewing the film The Mist. Someone tell her it's not about being late for a train. [HT]

• Celine Dion smokes weed and is still that into` herself. Yikes. [CityRag]

The celebs came out in droves for UMG's Grammy Celebration; among them was renowned musical genius Lindsay Lohan. Where was her Grammy? "Rumors" is still one of the most beautiful songs of all time. She spent the evening hanging out with the great influences of Hollywood at a venue that was sure to be alcohol- and drug-free.

[Source]

And another one:

Since her secret wedding last month, Beyonce Knowles has been glowing even more than usual.
…
Sources close to the Crazy In Love singer have hinted there could be double celebrations - as she and husband Jay-Z get set to have their first baby.

[Source]

• The way these crazy gays talk, you'd think separate but equal laws were repealed decades ago. [Queerty]

• Cashmere Mafia is hit hard by the writer's strike! What kind of world is this? [DListed]

• Hills recap: Heidi is manipulated, again. [PITNB]

• Just in time for some dick's birthday: An Entourage book! [PS]

• Same model, different charity. [HT]

• Jay-Z is launching a makeup line, but it's going to be totally tough. [ICYDK]

• James Blunt has been gone for a while, but he's back and bad as ever. [INO]

• Oprah on the African boarding school scandal: "I am a mama bear when it comes to protecting my children." [Yeeeah]

• Alyssa Milano is pretty serious about not using Botox. [CityRag]

"Last week, launching her fashion line in Toronto with an energetic dance routine, [Beyonce] gave hundreds of fans a peek at the breasts usually reserved for boyfriend Jay-Z."

[Source]

• Oh, that's why I always cry! [HE]

• Stand by your much more successful friend so that Jay-Z might look favorably upon you when you next need a producer. Right? [DListed]

• Avril Lavigne says she wants to act, clearly forgetting that that's what her entire persona is. [ICYDK]

• The problems start with the hat and they keep going to the annoyed old lady technique of umbrella-as-weapon. [CityRag]

• Pamela Anderson and that damn magician, again. That goddamn Aryan magician haunts my private moments! [DS]

• Bee Movie does have A-list support. [PopSugar]

• Jessica Alba apparently likes her sex like she likes her film roles: absolutely meaningless. [HT]

Rihanna recently told People magazine that her potential beaus must first go through a screening process conducted by her musical mentor Jay-Z.

"He's very protective," she says of her mentor, who discovered her and signed her to his Def Jam label. "Jay has my best interests in mind. If it's a good guy I know Jay won't shut him down. But if he's not, Jay will be like, 'No, no, no.' "

And exactly who are the guys trying to court Rihanna? "He actually never tells me. I have no clue who they are and I guess I'll never know," she says.

I would say it's a bit frightening that a 19-year-old woman is so comfortable allowing her male musical mentor to dictate what she can and can't do, but it worked for Tina Turner, right?

More under here.

CONTINUED »

Vanity Fair's July issue, an Africa-themed edition guest-edited by Bono, will feature 20 different star-studded cover photos taken by Annie Liebovitz. The goal of the shoot, Bono said, was to "bring some sex appeal to the idea of wanting to change the world." Here's a thought, Bono: try bringing some money to the idea of wanting to change the world.

To be sure, what this whole pitiful—surely catered—charade amounts to is nothing more than rich people with the best of intentions exerting very little effort in the hopes that it will make a difference. But despite their aspirations, the fact is that this gesture will probably prove to be relatively meaningless.

CONTINUED »

Whenever I hear some jackass screaming, "Niggers are noisy, primitive, arrogant and obsessed with conspicuous consumption," I'm sickened by the hate. But then I'll come across photos like these depicting a few of the world's most recognizable black millionaires brandishing bottles of expensive liquor and literally throwing away money, and I'm even more sickened by the betrayal.

Basically, the scourge of the Revolutionary War was sad, but Benedict Arnold was sadder.

[Source]

• Live action Super Mario? Genius. [BWE]

• What do you buy that girl that costs 50 mill? [TMZ]

• TMZ called Shawn Carter "Jigga Man" even when they thought his plane went down. That's not exactly what this story is about, but I thought I should mention that. [DListed]

• MySpace feuds are the new slap fight. [IDLYITW]

• Jessica Biel in Elle. [Glitterati]

• Yet another baby afraid of words—this one's so scared they wrote a book about it. [SH]

• Does she want to turn suitors off? Are these the chastity belt of the 21st century? [DListed]

• How does Jay sleep next to those Little Shop of Horrors locks? What's the shower drain look like? Yuck. [CityRag]

• According to Shanna Moakler, this is Paris Hilton's phone number and e-mail address. Send her my best! [Yeeeah]

• "She's wigging out!" or "She bangs!" [ICYDK]

• Jewel shows her gems. [HT]

• Wanna work for that sweetheart Diddy? [INO]

The very first edition of Headline on Your Shoulders went very well. Participation was healthy and, as requested, interesting—there wasn't a hint of cheap toilet humor to be found; of course, highbrow toilet humor is still very much expected and enjoyed.

The very first winner of Headline on Your Shoulders is Cheryl, who took a common theme among the entries and boiled it down to succinct perfection:

Apparently, Dita's Definition of "Tease" Has Evolved Over Time.

Nice work! I couldn't stop focusing on the lips.

The new HOYS picture is that well-timed gem above of Jay getting an eye full of ass despite being in direct proximity to his lady friend. Beyonce, it looks like Jigga's actually ready for some new jelly. (<---- That one would be a 6; you can do better).

[Source]

This must be the first time that seats in the nosebleeds were preferable to courtside. Just try to imagine the squeals and the oneupmanship and the "Guuuuuuurl"s and the giggles; and then Kimora's screaming, "I'm single now!" and Tyra's high-fiving her, going, "Girl, we know this!"; and then they're cackling so much you begin to feel it in your headache.

Fuck. How is Jay-Z not stabbing screwdrivers into his ears?

[Source]

• Tracy Morgan going Martin Lawrence on a Texas morning show, sans handgun ("Somebody gonna get pregnant!"). [DListed]

• Enough with the Carmen Electra. Seriously. [HT]

• Barba proves that, when failed by mediocre talent, you gotta start exploiting your boobs. [Egotastic]

• Jennifer Hudson's getting married. Say, "We want prenup!" [Celebitchy]

• Jay-Z should use all his fucking money to buy pants that fit. [ICYDK]

• Even Kimmel hates Leto. [ASL]

• Aguilera drinking to prove she's not pregnant. Hmmmm. Better than drinking so that she won't be pregnant. [Glitterati]

• Some calloused bitches are accusing some other calloused bitches of acting extra calloused for the cameras. [NYT]

• You're in luck, Kiefer. Chicks dig depictions of violent rage. It's probably due to evolution, though. So, don't get too full of yourself. [ASL]

• Misogyny on the The L Word: "It's an entire show of women. And the amount of egos and insecurities and cattiness that can go on with a bunch of women - that's what you get." Uh oh! Don't kill the messenger. [Glitterati]

• Ummmm…wouldn't eating this cookie be kinda like making fun of taking communion? [INO]

• Booooooooring Olsen stuff. [HT]

• Ivanka v. Paris. We all lose! [TMZ]

• Jay-Z sells a different kind of Coke nowadays. His parties are now more boring because of it. [RD]

• We're looking at you, Stern. [WWTDD]

• Paparazzo profile in the Times. [NYT]

Jay-Z just moved into a new place on one of the uppermost levels of the 90-story Trump World Tower. It's a steal at only 65 grand a month. Did you just do a spit coffee all over your monitor? Well, yes, you read that right. $65,000 per month. $780,000 per year. Here's a description of the place for you to check out while you contemplate if everything you've ever thought about "life not being about money" is wrong:

Sources tell us that the entertainment mogul is going to shell out approximately $65,000 a month for a sprawling apartment on one of the top floors of the 90-story Trump World Tower, one floor above Derek Jeter's swinging bachelor pad. (Be very worried, Beyoncé.)

It's a record rent for the 14-room condo, which includes soaring ceilings, two fireplaces, five bedrooms, five baths, two powder rooms, a gourmet kitchen, a library, maid's quarters and unobstructed views in all directions.

The steel-and-glass building features a large full-service health club and spa with an indoor pool, a wine cellar, a residents-only garden and room service from the trendy Japanese restaurant Megu.

In case you're keeping score, Jay Z's monthly rent could pay for a needy student's college tuition, a couple humble homes for Katrina Survivors in New Orleans or a generous donation to any number of charities. But, whatevs, Megu is there, and it's "trendy."

[Source]

Sylist (scratch the "celebrity" part, as she prefers) Rachel Zoe lent her fashion expertise to the stars at this weekend's GM Style Show in Detroit. She may look all helpful here, but you know that as soon as the camera left she berated Carmen Electra, Maria Menounos and Nick
Cannon for being such heifers.

[Source]

Or should I call them B'Jay in honor of her most recent album (either way, is it just me or do not enough people call the coupling of Beyonce and Jay-Z "BJay?" I mean, maybe I'm way behind on this one, but I giggled long and hard about this today). Either way, break-up rumors be damned, the couple is going strong and celebrating 2007 in the Caribbean. And there's nothing better than a BJay on the beach. Yeah, sorry, I'm going to have a field day with this.

[Source]