OK, we know it seems classist for us to post pictures of the chintzy souvenirs some stores in Texas are selling to commemorate the marriage of First Daughter Jenna Bush, but our intention isn't to give you a laugh at the expense of red state inelegance. Instead, shudder at the fact that those flowery squares are mouse pads, meaning there are people who presumably have access to the Internet who still don't know enough to not herald this union.

Here, President George W Bush poses with daughter Jenna at her Texas wedding on Saturday. Over 200 friends and relatives looked on as the bride, in a custom Oscar de la Renta gown, was married to Henry Hager, an MBA candidate and son of Virginia's GOP head.

How these fucking people sleep at night is beyond us.

This is what Jenna Bush's fiancé, Henry Hager, looks like, which you must have expected.

Bush and Hager will be married this Saturday at a ceremony on the Bush family ranch in Crawford, Texas. Once the nuptials are official, Hager's father, the head of the Republican party in Virginia, and Jenna's father, world-raper, will both sign a blood pact and bide their time until Henry and Jenna's firstborn son leads the WASPs to glory and expeditiously vanquishes sinners.

In anticipation of her May nuptials, first daughter Jenna Bush had 12 top designers sketch potential wedding dresses for her. This one, a Nicole Miller design, is our favorite. It looks to have room for a diaper, meaning Bush can wear it well into her incontinent dotage, when she's dancing by herself in front hallway mirrors and smearing lipstick all over her face.

Click through for the rest of the gowns.

CONTINUED »

That wacky Ellen DeGeneres convinced Jenna Bush to ring her father, POTUS George W Bush, during a live taping of DeGeneres' show yesterday.

After some gentle prodding from Hollywood's most beloved lesbian and her wide-eyed audience, Jenna called the First Family's private telephone line for a chat.

Nervously waiting for her parents to get on the line, Jenna said, "They're going to kill me." Horse feathers! Everyone knows they only kill other people's kids.

• Lohan drinking? That took about a week. [Egotastic]

• Starbucks is placing their particular brand of corporatization on music. First victim: Paul McCartney. [DListed]

• Barba feels exploited now that the reality television show is done exploiting her. [Glitterati]

• There's still this mess. [TMZ]

• Jenna Bush is engaged. [Jossip]

• Remember soulDecision? [Queerty]

• Breaking water, breaking news. [ASL]

First daughter Jenna Bush has penned her first book, Ana's Story: A Journey of Hope, to be published this fall.

The president's daughter, 25, tells USA Today that the book is not political. Rather, the tale of a 17-year-old single mother in Panama who is living with HIV, is about "getting kids thinking and involved," she says.

If she's prefacing her book about a teenage mother stricken with HIV in a poverty riddled nation by insisting it's not political, she's already proving that, contrary to popular bullshit, she's absolutely not about getting the kids "thinking and involved."

Though I haven't read the work, I'm guessing it's probably more about getting the American kids gushing and weepy over issues they'll forget about as soon as class lets out. Thanks for wasting everyone's time, Jenna. Go back to doing nothing.

[Source]