AND SUGE USED TO BE SO NICE! "Marion 'Suge' Knight was jailed Wednesday on assault and drug charges after he was accused of beating his girlfriend while brandishing a knife near the Las Vegas Strip, police said. Knight, 43, posted $19,000 bail and was scheduled to be released late Wednesday with a promise to appear Sept. 26 in Las Vegas Justice Court, a court spokeswoman said. Police said the founder of bankrupt Death Row Records was arrested about 6:40 a.m. after officers arrived at the scene of a minor traffic accident and found Knight hitting a woman in a parking lot off a busy thoroughfare."
It shames me that I can immediately identify this character on the right, the annoying Mr. Boston from I Love New York and I Love Money, but I suppose my roommate should be even more ashamed for recognizing him in a Santa Monica bar this weekend. Apparently Mr. Boston asked her to have "no-strings-attached sex" with him, but she politely declined — instead, he settled on taking a picture of her to post on his MySpace page with the caption, "She's got that 'do me' look to her face." Classy.
So after taking a gander at his MySpace page, which lists his occupation as "Reality TV star" and hosts a disclaimer noting "I'M PROBABLY HAVING LESS SEX THAN YOU," I noticed a pattern: Lots of pictures of random girls with the saddest captions imaginable. After the jump, the best of the best.
AMERICAN PRICK SELLS GAUDY MONSTROSITY TO RUSSIAN PRICK "Real estate mogul Donald Trump closed the sale of a Palm Beach mansion to a Russian billionaire Tuesday for the blockbuster price of $95 million. 'I love breaking records,' Trump said Wednesday, 'and this is a record.' It's believed to be the most expensive single-family home ever sold in the United States."
Film and oil executives want to thank you for taking it on the chin, common man. In these difficult financial times, were it not for your gas money and inability to afford more luxurious forms of entertainment, they might actually have to, y'know, not be so fucking rich.
Not only are box office profits increasing due to mommies and daddies nationwide being forced to find something for their kids to do now that road-tripping to Disneyland isn't an option, bloated captains of the oil industry are also making a killing by investing their massive profits in films, thereby making them untouchable to hefty windfall taxes; taxes that would just go to stupid social welfare programs.
Rest easy, people: The super-wealthy are going to be just fine. Now you go watch Iron Man and forget all about those tuition payments you've got come August.
If a stunted, cruel human being attaches his name to a hastily designed line of clothes, will anybody care? No, they won't! Not at all, in fact, as a report from the Saturday debut of Perez Hilton's clothing line indicates:
Some freaky lil employee [of a Hollywood Hot Topic] with a handful of wrist bands asked if I wanted to meet Perez Hilton at 6pm! I was like NO, I just ate. NO one wanted wrist bans (sic) it was kinda funny.
(cue the Nelson laugh)
Simply “perplexed” that he would be dishonored with an award for defaming gay folk, Bill O’Reilly recently hosted Mikayla Connell of San Francisco Pride so they could go over his anti-gay ways. Holier-than-thou O’Reilly, of course, deflects all the criticism onto other people, like his guests. What a man.
You've got to hand it to jocks—they're very consistent bastards:
Yankee A-Rod drowned his sorrows over the team's loss to the birds last week at Baltimore's Hooters, and must have been so bummed that he dismissed a young fan who wanted his autograph.
"Excuse me, Mr. Rodriguez, may I please have your autograph?" the excited 10-year-old said to him.
The third baseman just mumbled, "Beat it."
He had two different words for the chesty waitress he bumped into as he left.
"Nice ass."
Britney Spears returned to Los Angeles yesterday after having embarked on a vision quest to Costa Rica with crackpot holy man Mel Gibson. Immediately upon exiting the plane, the relaxed, invigorated Spears was greeted by bloodthirsty paparazzi screaming her name and calling her "baby," thereby erasing a week's worth of personal healing.
A boring but sad video after the jump.
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After all that begging, I sit here, typing through the tears (OK, maybe that's a bit melodramatic), hoping for a miracle to save Jason Castro. Except maybe I don't want him to be saved. After last night's unwarranted beating by the judges, maybe he deserves to be done with this show and the horrible people who run it; the brutality will be even worse if he survives this week, and the public will hate him for not being voted off after his roughest night to date. CONTINUED »
OH, GREAT "A Los Angeles judge has dismissed a sexual battery charge against 'Girls Gone Wild' founder Joe Francis because prosecutors said they were unable to contact his accuser. The judge dismissed the misdemeanor count Thursday after city prosecutors said they were unable to proceed because they had not seen or heard from the 18-year-old woman or an alleged witness. Francis was accused of groping the woman's breasts and buttocks at a birthday party in Hollywood last year."
News broke yesterday that diminutive ex-child star Gary Coleman was "secretly married" in August to Shannon Price, a woman half his age. Now, an Inside Edition interview with the couple reveals that there's already a fair amount of trouble in this strange, strange paradise.
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