• The many faces of drunk Christina Aguilera, red lipstick included. [CityRag]
• All Angelina Jolie comments aside, Jennifer Aniston's Vogue interview is a fairly good read. [PS]
• OMG you guys! Joe Jonas has a new girlfriend! Squeee! [Yeeeah]
• Jesse Metcalfe recovered from his Monaco fall just in time to be photographed in a wheelchair by the paparazzi. Stay strong, Jess. [DListed]
• Adam Sandler's a father (again). [ICYDK]
• Lauren Conrad's former Hills flame is creeping down the Hollywood ladder, as all good famewhores eventually do. [INO]
EVEN D-BAGS INJURE THEMSELVES FROM TIME TO TIME "Jesse Metcalfe is 'doing fine' after suffering a fall in Monaco over the weekend, his rep tells Usmagazine.com. 'He accidentally slipped off a balcony and was knocked unconscious,' the rep adds, 'but he is fine and now recovering from some minor bruises in a London hospital.'"
It's been barely a week since news broke that Lindsay Lohan's guest stint on Ugly Betty was cut short due to drama on the set, and now she has another botched job on her hands: She's been cut from hosting the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend.
Apparently the walking disaster hosted the WMAs in 2006, when she proceeded to screw up her lines and call Beyonce to the stage while the singer was still getting her hair done. The producers had a mild case of amnesia and decided the "actress" was so "hot" at the moment that she would be the perfect host. They called in former Desperate Housewives tool Jesse Metcalfe for backup, but LiLo threw a fit because the spotlight wouldn't be totally on her.
In the end, "it was decided by both parties it was better if she pulled out," which means the producers wised up and Lindsay pouted and acted like she didn't want to host the awards in the first place.
Her replacement? Denise Richards. Yeah, that's a step up.
[Source]
New research calls into question a study suggesting circumcision halves a man's chances of contracting HIV, a claim detailed at length in 2006 in this former "Most E-Mailed" New York Times article. According to one expert, the latest data shows the 2006 findings to be "spurious and unsupported" and more related to behavior than physicality. Whoops.
Sorry you got such a bad rap, hooded friends. To make you feel more included, after the jump, we've made a list of all your ALLEGEDLY uncircumcised brethren in Hollywood.
CONTINUED »
QUITE THE CASANOVA "Jesse Metcalfe reportedly paid for his Playboy Playmate ex-girlfriend's boob job when they were dating. The former Desperate Housewives star … is said to have been so desperate for curvy Colleen Shannon to increase her breast size that he paid for the operation."
Desperate Housewives castoff Jesse Metcalfe literally got knocked on his ass last night in front of LA nightclub Boulevard 3. His assailant, a friend of actress Taryn Manning, apparently didn't like something Metcalfe said to her. Upon picking himself up off the ground, the battered actor could only scream, "What the fuck?" Indeed.
When the New York humidity gets so bad you can sip the air and the stagnant puddles of piss ascend to the heights of their fragrant potential, I tend to get a bit sentimental and think back to breezy, Santa Monica afternoons soaked in Mojitos. But then this picture turns up and I wipe the sweat from my brow and say, "Oh yeah, LA fucking sucks!"
[Source]
Thinking of moving to Hollywood? These are the gatekeepers, and this photo of them is very telling of the city itself: One semi-somebody with glassy eyes, two nobodies desperately trying to keep up and a noticeable decision that, even if it's hideous, it's wearable if it's trendy.
I guess nobody told Jesse Metcalfe that when you're trying to not do drugs you shouldn't hang out with people whose very existence reminds you of drugs. Is this guy's name Bonghits Arefun?
• Wait, it's bad to have lustful janitors fantasizing about you? [BWE]
• Where do you hide the high-minded idealism when you're spending $140 million on a boat? [PopSugar]
• Everyone loves Halle Berry's breasts. [Egotastic]
• Bonaduce's losing a wife, so somebody will probably be losing an eye. No seriously, that guy's a lunatic. [Glitterati]
• Dude looks at his penis. Dude's definitely not a lady. [IDLYITW]
• Madonna and Timberlake together means you're not going to hear another record in the sorority house for about a million years. [INO]
• Metcalfe to go full frontal and bare his penis and breasts? [ICYDK]
• Fantastic article on a maestro in the subway. [WP]
• Fact: If you like Hilary Duff's music, it shouldn't matter to you that she lip syncs live.
• Desperate to restore the public's belief that he is a totally sober-minded person, Keith Richards swears he didn't snort his father's ashes. [DListed]
• It just won't be that good a movie. [Glitterati]
• Biel overtakes Johansson in an absolutely meaningless poll. [HT]
• Metcalfe promises to come back to Promises. [INO]
• Rose McGowan out doing some homewrecker shopping. [ICYDK]
• Chris Hitchens' advances come with bulletproof vests. [NYP]
What's the impetus behind wanting to know what others looked like when they were children? Everyone likes to see what other people—especially famous people—looked like when they were five, but I don't know why. I'm not above it, but I'm willing to admit that it's an odd desire. Maybe, subconsciously, we like to be reminded that these people too once needed their diapers changed.
Regardless, Marilyn Manson's pics explain a lot. He looks like he was probably an easy target. Check the source for the identities.
[Source]
Have you guys heard about that new movie Loaded? It's about a rich dude who goes out clubbing all the time and winds up getting tangled in a dangerous web of addiction and violence. Guess who they got to play the lead? A rich guy who goes out clubbing all the time and gets tangled in a dangerous web of addiction and violence!
If you're a producer, before you dive headfirst into a feature, you should consider that perhaps you could instead make a documentary. You'd save a bundle on craft services and extras; and rather than creating an inevitable bomb the likes of which we haven't seen since John Tucker Must Die, you would have a harrowing tale of a decent kid trying to reestablish himself amid a world of temptation.
It'd be like The Devil and Daniel Johnston without the talent.
PS Though these photos don't highlight them as much, this guy still has big boobs.
[Source]
• Legislating SexyBack in Tennessee. [ASL]
• They kill them and skin them. What's to learn, Fergie? [DListed]
• Tom Cruise in Hitler movie. Don't get any ideas, Cruise. [ONTD]
• Naomi at community service. Fur? Sure! [JJ]
• Jesse Metcalfe is in rehab. His career is still shitfaced. [ICYDK]
• Federline's keeping the kids. [Glitterati]
• Paul taking the high, Abbey road. [INO]
• Legislating SexyBack in Tennessee. [ASL]
• They kill them and skin them. What's to learn, Fergie? [DListed]
• Tom Cruise in Hitler movie. Don't get any ideas, Cruise. [ONTD]
• Naomi at community service. Fur? Sure! [JJ]
• Jesse Metcalfe is in rehab. His career is still shitfaced. [ICYDK]
• Federline's keeping the kids. [Glitterati]
• Paul taking the high, Abbey road. [INO]
Jesse, once you get B-cups, it's time to stop with the chest presses at the gym. The evolutionary reason women have permanently enlarged boobs is to mimic the butts that initially attracted males when everyone was monkeys. Check it out:
…as early humans (hominids) began walking upright, face-to-face encounters between the sexes became the norm, affecting the position used in sexual intercourse: males would no longer mount females from behind as they do among non-human primates. In the non-human primate position, presentation of the female buttocks to the male is an erotic display that stimulates male interest and excitement. With the advent of bipedalism, Morris argues, if females were to be successful in shifting male interest around to the front, evolution would have to do something to make the female frontal region more stimulating to males.
See? You're basically a prehistoric tranny.
Pretty girlfriend, though. Have fun in Hawaii!
[Source]
•Aww, Ashlee Simpson got her first wax figure. Oh. Wait. That's her real live face. [Celebrity Nation]
• Jake Gyllenhaal and Lance Armstrong are on a two-man Tour de France, if you know what I mean. [PITNB]
• Not that you needed proof that Maddox Jolie-Pitt is already cooler than you, he was just voted Hollywood's cutest kid. [Hot Momma Drama]
• Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice to walk down the aisle…into obscurity. [Celebitchy]
• No matter how you do the math, Jesse Metcalfe should always lose. [BWE]
• Just being photographed near food probably gives Nicole Richie anxiety. [Teddy and Moo]
• Kate Hudson is the second celebrity this week making bucks off The National Enquirer. Perhaps stars should stop bitching about these fake stories if they're gonna end up paid. [WWTDD]
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