I've been contemplating taking a college course in religion. I love religion. I remember whenever the book The Da Vinci Code came out, the Discovery Channel did this three-night piece on it that I Tivoed and then watched eight times.
— Jessica Simpson, expecting us to believe she has to rewatch Discovery Channel specials because she actually likes them and not because it takes her multiple viewings to understand the subject matter.
[Source]
The celebrities are evidently hibernating thanks to the descent of winter, so instead of boring you with news of Full House's Stephanie Tanner's divorce or Travis Barker's lawsuit against the makers of the plane that crashed a couple months ago or Jessica Simpson's lame reaction to becoming an aunt, here's a riveting video of a cat on a Roomba. Happy weekend!
• Who is this man and why are we just now discovering him? [Yeeeah]
• Whitney Port needs a fashion intervention. Those shoes! [ICYDK]
• A hundred movie spoilers in five minutes. [CityRag]
• Alicia Silverstone is desperately trying to get back in the spotlight by writing a book on how to be a vegan. Because Xenu knows we don't have enough celebrity-penned diet books. [INO]
• The Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim is no stranger to being humiliated on television. [DListed]
• Jessica Simpson says she loves Tony Romo because he makes her want to be more organized. Uh, OK? [PS]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are celebrating two years of their creepy, bizarre marriage. [DListed]
• Amy Winehouse's drug-filled beehive is back. Everyone can relax. [ICYDK]
• Mariah Carey knows how to get the pregnancy rumor mill churning: Cover up and touch your stomach. [PS]
• Jessica Simpson continues to mutilate her face. [HT]
• Twilight star Robert Pattinson is going to have some sort of nervous breakdown in the very near future. It's inevitable. [INO]
• Life is tough for Kim Kardashian. [Yeeeah]
Current Jennifer Aniston love interest John Mayer has been snatched up by CBS to host a variety show in 2009. According to insiders, the weekly extravaganza will be a "music, variety and sketch show in the '60s mold."
Because if Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey taught us anything, it's that prime time variety shows are insanely successful.
[Source]
Our girl crush, Carrie Underwood, set the record straight in this month's Elle magazine when it comes to those "controversial" comments about Tony Romo still calling her.
It was just something that was said in passing, and I would never mean to say anything to hurt anybody or to stir up anything, because I’m just not about drama. At all. I might be mad too if somebody said my boyfriend was calling some other girl. So I can definitely see where she [Jessica Simpson] would be coming from. But I haven’t talked to him since, like, May.
We had a feeling she wasn't attempting to cause drama and it was just a slip-up, but we can't help but smile a bit knowing she likely got under Jessica's skin just a little.
IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A HAIRDRESSER "Jessica Simpson's rep has confirmed the singer's hairstylist Ken Paves was rushed to the hospital early Sunday morning after being injured by paparazzi. … As Simpson and her entourage were leaving L.A. eatery Madeo, they were mobbed by photographers. In the madness, one snapper hit Paves near his eye with a part of a camera, leaving him with blood trickling down his face."
The Eva Longoria pregnancy rumors have been put to rest for the time being, thanks to a few E! trolls who spotted the Desperate Housewives actress smoking cigarettes last night at the BlackBerry Bold launch party. Oh, and sources say she was looking "super skinny," as opposed to the obese monster she has become as of late.
Seriously though, Eva has remained at relatively the same weight as she has during most of her time in the spotlight, so the lack of fat obviously does nothing to help squash the pregnancy rumors. So what does? We made up a list, after the jump. Feel free to add your own. CONTINUED »
MARK YOUR CALENDARS "Jessica Simpson's Major Movie Star may have opened No. 1 in Russia earlier this month — but it's not having as much success stateside. The flick will be renamed Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous, and released only on DVD in America, a source confirms to Usmagazine.com. The movie — about a ditzy movie star who enlists in the army to earn money to pay her bills — is slated to hit stores Feb. 3."
• Hilary Duff's new music video: "It's like a cutesy chipmunk, putting on lingerie and trying to sex you with their eyes." [DListed]
• Guy Ritchie wants custody of the children he has with Madonna. Will he let them eat sugar and wheat? [Yeeeah]
• Heidi Klum's new "Got Milk?" ad is actually pretty adorable. She can do no wrong. [HT]
• Only in NYC: Tomorrow morning Michael Jackson fans who have entirely too much time on their hands will attempt to break the world record for the most people doing the "Thriller" dance at once. [INO]
• Jessica Simpson is still trying way too hard. [PS]
• Tara Reid clears up a common misconception: "I'm not perfect." [ICYDK]
Remember when Jessica Simpson was working on that terrible film, Major Movie Star? We all predicted it would go straight to DVD, but it turned out even better: The movie never opened here in the US and has yet to be released to Blockbuster. Score!
Fortunately for Jess, this film wasn't a total waste: It opened to the top box office spot in Russia earlier this month. As if life couldn't get any better, it's been announced that in November the movie will open in Bulgaria. That's about it for the little movie that couldn't: No plans are in the works to open the film in any countries that speak English, which proves our theory that Jessica Simpson should probably just stop talking.
The moment things began to turn around in Iraq is when the USO deployed Jessica Simpson.
-President George W Bush, who's still finding the humor in this bloody, endless, godforsaken war
• Because we can't resist adorable animals. [DListed]
• The Brangelina clan has descended upon NYC. Everyone stock up on bottled water and batteries. [PS]
• Something's wrong with Jessica Simpson, besides the usual. [HT]
• Shia LaBeouf injured himself again. This kid has really bad luck. [INO]
• Can we please discuss how cute this celebrity child is? [ICYDK]
• Audrina Patridge's side boob. It's a slow news day. [Yeeeah]
• When did Fashion Week become so scary? [ICYDK]
• Why Sharon Stone is Mother of the Year: She wanted to inject Botox into her 8-year-old son's feet. [Yeeeah]
• Alicia Keys and Jack White make terrible music videos together. [DListed]
• We refuse to believe that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are shopping for engagement rings. [PS]
• Justin Timberlake is a good boyfriend. [HT]
• Aubrey O'Day has standards, y'all. [INO]
[Source]
• Jessica Simpson continues to make weird faces while she sings. [HT]
• Diddy steps in dog poop. There is a Xenu! [DListed]
• Nobody calls John Mayer anymore, poor thing. [PS]
• Oprah filmed a guest stint on 30 Rock. If she's not giving away free stuff, we don't care. [INO]
• Alex Rodriguez and his ex-wife amicably settled their divorce case. Well, that was boring. [ICYDK]
• Pamela Anderson is the queen of aging gracefully. [Yeeeah]
[Source]
• It's funny cause it's true. [Yeeeah]
• Lauren Conrad is going to be an author, because if there's anyone qualified to write a young adult novel, it's her. [PS]
• Janet Jackson's tour wardrobe. Umm, no. [ICYDK]
• Nobody needs to see up Jessica Simpson's skirt. [HT]
• Ellen DeGeneres uninvited over 100 people to her wedding. Ouch. [INO]
• Tara Reid is engaged. Poor guy. [DListed]
• This guy was arrested after assaulting someone with an 8-inch sausage. Seriously. [DListed]
• Lynne Spears desperately attempts to make nice with Britney. [ICYDK]
• Please tell us arm warmers are not the new trend for fall/winter. [HT]
• Poor Jessica Simpson can't win. [PS]
• The peg leg jeans have descended upon Fashion Week. Everybody take cover. [INO]
• Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt had a secret date at the Toronto Film Festival, according to some crazy liar. [Yeeeah]
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