Michelle Obama's Election Night earrings, white-gold, diamond-encrusted, dangling things that blinded bitter Republicans when the spotlight hit them, reportedly cost the First Lady-elect a cool $11,000.
How is this any better than when Sarah Palin adorned herself in luxurious clothes and jewels? For one, Obama didn't purchase her earrings with donations from Democratic supporters. Nor did she bemoan "rich elitists" for weeks and weeks before buying the accessories.
That said, when will everyone come to their senses and stop spending thousands of dollars on something as stupefyingly useless as jewelry, which has the same root word as joke?
Can you believe we actually suffered through Paris Hilton's My New BFF last night? And — even crazier than that — we didn't feel the urge to stab ourselves in the eyes? We realized that once you sit through A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, you can sit through anything.
Anyway, the contestant who makes this show bearable is Onch, a jewelry designer from Hacienda Heights, Calif. Onch's favorite color is rainbow (seriously) and prefers the term "pomp" over "fabulous." Also? Onch is a male. Some of the contestants confused him for a girl at first, which was kind of awesome, but we don't even look at Onch as any specific gender. He's just kind of … there. It's weird. Onch wore a beautiful necklace last night made out of rainbow pretzels and was just magnificently entertaining throughout the entire hour of horrible television. We did some research, and it turns out this lovely being has already been in a feud with Chris Crocker, so you know he's just a tiny train wreck waiting to crash.
Onch, 1; the rest of those losers, 0.
The Matt Grant edition of The Bachelor wasn't any more entertaining than every other season, but the breakup is proving otherwise. Former fiance (and constant famewhore) Shayne Lamas told People magazine about her plans for the engagement ring, purchased by ABC: She's keeping it "safe and clean and in a glass box — like a glass slipper." Also? Matt is totally on board with the idea and even "wants to come over and look at it."
Naturally, the magazine then got a response from Matt, because this is middle school and two adults can't just decide what to do with a piece of jewelry without using the media as a go-between. And, of course, Matt says he never spoke with Shayne about the subject.
We never discussed this. I never said it was cool to just keep it. If she said we spoke about it, she just made it up. Sometimes she thinks she can say anything and I’ll go along with it.
It wasn’t a ‘gift’ so much. It’s not a television or a handbag. It’s a symbol of marriage that didn’t happen. … Let’s have something good come out of this. Why hold onto it? What’s the point?
Matt wants to auction off the ring, valued at $65,000, and give the proceeds to charity. This, of course, will never happen, because then the spotlight would no longer be on Shayne, and we can't have that, can we?
STOP THE PRESSES! "Jay-Z donned never-before-seen bling in NYC Wednesday: his wedding ring to Beyonce! The rapper, 38, was spotted wearing the jewelry while leaving his Tribeca apartment, where they wed April 4."
THURMAN ENGAGED TO MAN WHO SHOWS AFFECTION WITH THINGS "Uma Thurman … is ready to walk down the aisle again with financier Arpad (Arki) Busson … Busson, who has two children with supermodel Elle Macpherson, just presented Thurman with a engagement ring so big 'she can't fit it through the sleeve of her coat' …" Oh, wonderful: a diamond so huge it's inconvenient! How do people this crazy get so much money into their nutty bank accounts?
Well, it took more than a decade, but the US justice system finally caught up with Jacob Arabo, the greasy jeweler rappers shout out more than Jesus. Who could have guessed that business dealings with an organization called the Black Mafia Family might lead to prison time?
Jennifer Lopez and dusty husband Marc Anthony got a $6 million payday when they gave People magazine exclusive photo rights to their new twins. It was an absurd amount of money paid to absurd people for an absurd reason, and guess what: it's already being absurdly spent.
Lopez is now the proud, shameful owner of $2.6 million earrings, which, if you don't know, are just tiny things that dangle off the wearer's earlobes. This is our world.
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