Time for another fun round of "Guess That Bleep." In today's New York Post, Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan's lover, says Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis is "one of the more disgusting human beings in the world because of what he does … He's a [bleep]bag."
The guy certainly is a bag of something, but what? Our vote: "He's a mommy issues-bag." What do you think?
If anyone doesn't want to talk politics, I'm offering a different alternative: Let's discuss The Hills in depth, shall we? For the three of you who didn't run back to the Palin posts, let's proceed. Last night's episode was fairly awesome thanks to Darlene Montag, the woman who birthed and raised the nightmare we know as Heidi. Darlene suffered through a one-on-one lunch with devilish Spencer, who was a complete and total ass to her ("I don't get uncomfortable, my dear") and then cried real tears for her lost cause of a daughter, claiming that Spence is the biggest d-bag that ever lived.
Except, you know, it was all fake. First off, Darlene showed up in this episode to "surprise" Heidi for her birthday. Heidi's birthday is Sept. 15. Darlene claimed she hadn't seen Heidi in months and had no idea she was living with Spencer. Please. It's not like she hasn't DVR'd every episode of The Hills and cut out each cheesy tabloid spread featuring Speidi to tape to her refrigerator. Also? If Darlene just showed up two weeks ago, how does she explain this, the photo shoot she had with Speidi and Joe Francis in early August?
Methinks this desperate need for the MTV cameras' attention runs in the family.
We should have seen this coming from miles away: Heidi Montag, with her mother, sister and handler/boyfriend Spencer Pratt in tow, met up with Girls Gone Wild perv Joe Francis for a classy dinner last night in LA. Upon leaving the restaurant, the clan posed for paparazzi and Mama Montag even held hands with Francis. How long until Heidi poses naked for the GGW magazine and her parents get divorced?
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Having used the July 4 holiday weekend to quietly drop her lawsuit against Joe Francis, former Eliot Spitzer call girl Ashley Dupre is working on her next for-profit venture: reality TV show. She’s supposedly in talks with MTV, among other networks, to launch her own dating show, with Dupre becoming the next Tila Tequila as contestants vie to penetrate the Jersey Shore’s finest.
I subjected myself to A Shot at Love 2 with Tila Tequila last night for the good of Reality Bytes, but by the time it was all over I was in the fetal position praying it was just a nightmare. It wasn't. The final four took Tila to their hometowns, where we learned that the desperate apple doesn't fall far from the famewhoring tree. One of the contestant's fathers got a little too excited while Tila performed fellatio on a pickle, and, at another house, one of the mothers showed her Gene Simmons-style tongue. Classy.
The most traumatizing visit was in New Jersey, where Tila convinced Jay's mom and step-mom to make out with each other. Then they showed their boobs to Tila like she was Joe Francis and they wanted a free T-shirt. To end the evening, the entire family gathered in the hot tub for a massive orgy. I wish I were kidding.
Maxim held its Hot 100 party last night in LA, which played host to many horny males hoping to score with desperate women. This event would have been the perfect time to lock everyone in and save the rest of the world from STDs.
After the jump: More pictures of "hot" people than you could ever ask for. CONTINUED »
OH, GREAT "A Los Angeles judge has dismissed a sexual battery charge against 'Girls Gone Wild' founder Joe Francis because prosecutors said they were unable to contact his accuser. The judge dismissed the misdemeanor count Thursday after city prosecutors said they were unable to proceed because they had not seen or heard from the 18-year-old woman or an alleged witness. Francis was accused of groping the woman's breasts and buttocks at a birthday party in Hollywood last year."
Ashley Alexandra Dupré, aka Ashley Youmans, the ambitious young escort who became an instant celebrity after getting caught servicing ex-governor Eliot Spitzer, is being offered $1 million to drop a $10 million lawsuit she's brought against Girls Gone Wild. Dupré is suing the bastards for allegedly plying her with alcohol, "tricking" her into getting naked on camera and then — without her consent — using that footage in a video.
Joe Francis, head asshole at Girls Gone Wild, says Dupré has "zero chance" of winning the lawsuit, as he has "videotape of her giving consent, while showing her identification." Francis recommends Dupré take the million and walk: "She should keep in mind, it's considerably more than the Governor of New York paid her, and our activities aren't illegal," he told the New York Daily News. Oh, man, we hate that guy.
More than ever before, we are hoping and wishing for a hell in which guys like Joe Francis get the shit beaten from them hour after hour by Amazonian superbitches with real boobs and big fists.
GIRLS GONE LITIGIOUS "The call girl linked to the downfall of former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer sued the founder of the 'Girls Gone Wild' series on Monday for $10 million, claiming he exploited her image and name to advertise the racy videos. Ashley Alexandra Dupre, 22, contended in the lawsuit that she was only 17 — too young to sign legally binding contracts — and drunk on spring break in 2003 when she agreed to be filmed for 'Girls Gone Wild' in Miami Beach."
GOD COMPLEXES Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis is profiled in the new issue of GQ. This is our favorite excerpt: "His enemies list has grown as he sits in jail, and it was recently expanded to include Access Hollywood reporter Maria Menounos, who did an interview Francis didn’t like. 'She called me the 'ever defiant Joe Francis,' ' he howls. 'Fuck yeah, I’m defiant! It’s like that defiant Rosa Parks won’t give up her seat. Fuck you, Maria. The ever defiant Nelson Mandela just can’t stand apartheid. The ever defiant Martin Luther King. The ever defiant Jesus Christ. You fucking stupid whore. If I saw Maria Menounos, I’d punch her in the face.'"
MONEY FOR NOTHING, CHICKS FOR FREE " … 'Girls Gone Wild' founder Joe Francis was prepared to pay [Ashley Youmans, Eliot Spitzer's prostitute] $1 million to appear in the company's new magazine, but then rescinded the offer when it was discovered she was already in one of the company's videotapes from 2003. Even the Orlando Sentinel discovered it had a topless image of her from a story that year on the 'Girls Gone Wild' series."
JOE FRANCIS IS BACK! "Centava Dozier, 21, filed a $200,000 lawsuit Monday against American Airlines, alleging that a passenger masturbated in the seat next to her and then ejaculated on her hair. The suit claims Dozier was sitting in an empty row when the plane took off, and then fell asleep. When she woke up, she says she found a substance in her hair and a man masturbating in the seat next to her. Dozier claims that when she asked the flight attendants for help, and requested the man be removed and taken back to his assigned seat, the staff did nothing."
SLUTS REJOICE! "Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis is finally going back to Florida to face criminal charges there. His lawyer told a federal judge in Reno that Joe will be headed back to Panama City, Fla. on Wednesday to deal with charges stemming from his alleged filming of underage girls in that city. Francis had been stuck in legal limbo for a year, unable to leave a jail in Nevada, where he faces tax evasion charges."
KLASSY "[Joe Francis] is launching Girls Gone Wild magazine, a PG-13 print version of his raunchy video series in which drunken college girls are coaxed into stripping for the camera. The mag … will hit newsstands April 15 with articles including 'Wildest Spring Break Moments' and a photo spread featuring Kim Kardashian and her sisters Kourtney and Khloe wearing Francis' signature swimwear line."
Joe Francis, upon being vindicated of charges that his company manipulated drunken women into exposing themselves: "This is yet another example of false allegations that I have faced. I am tired of these lies being used against me in an attempt to extort money from me and destroy my name." Because in a world of bared tits and drunken whoring, a man's good name means everything to him.
Following the release of video footage that irrefutably proved they had given their consent to be filmed, two women ("floozies" according to TMZ) have dropped the lawsuits they had brought against Girls Gone Wild head Joe Francis and his company. Aside from making themselves look foolish, the women's lying has certainly instilled in Francis an even greater hatred of females. So look out, ladies.
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Almost immediately after telling you this, came the news that not only has Paris Hilton's original 45 day jail sentence been almost halved to 23 days, but also that she will have a private cell and be completely separated from the general prison population.
Her sentence was shortened for "good behavior," which apparently includes just showing up for her last court date. L.A. County Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said she'll be staying in a two-person cell reserved for "high-profile" inmates, and that she'll have at least an hour a day to shower, watch TV, play outside, or gab on the phone.
See? No cruel cell mates, no shower brawls, no danger of sexual assault. In jail, Paris will be less in danger of predators than she ever was while hanging out on a tropical beach with that snake Joe Francis.
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• I remember when Moose was saying this crap about you, Screech. You've changed, man. [BWE]
• According to time, Justin Timberlake shapes our world more than George W Bush. [Time]
• Everything's classy in Fiddy's house, says the real estate agent, "except the stripper poles." [Jossip]
• Jada swears Katie's not being held against her will, while also crossing her fingers so that those in the know will know she is speaking under duress. [ASL]
• Black girls don't go wild for free. [SH]
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