Another day, another wonderful bout of Someone Haiku. This round offered an "ample" target, but Kate's aim proved most true:
Eau d' Gold Digger,
The lady picked a winner
from the Homie dolls
The Homies reference was the deciding factor.
For today's Someone Haiku, let's turn our attention to one of the scummiest chicken hawks to have ever pimped his way into the spotlight: Joe Francis, who today pleaded guilty to contempt of court and could possibly face three more weeks of jail. Wild!
If you'd like to use "karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon," it would still give you three syllables to work with. Good luck!
[Source]
• Well, this girl's making out with her mom for Larry the Cable Guy tickets. See why the world hates us? [YT]
• I can understand, because if you're wearing one of these things, how can you not stop picking at your ass? [Egotastic]
• This might make you believe in karma (even though that's fake magic bullshit). [IDLYITW]
• Even the word "squats" sounds bad. [ICYDK]
• A thorough rundown of all the cosmetic surgery jokes. [Jossip]
• Steak and donuts is a good band name. [ONTD]
• Let's see how "wild" jail is, you predatory ass! [DListed]
• Britney's what you call a jersey chaser. [TheBosh]
• Top 10 sports moments in film. Cool Runnings was robbed. [Glitterati]
• Keith Olbermann taking aim on a blue eyed competitor. [Jossip]
• Secret weddings. If you don't think you're invited, don't worry about it. [INO]
• Women now wrong like their male predecessors. [HR]
• See ya, Jesus. Gary Busey is my copilot. [BWE]
• Famous body parts quiz. Think you can guess why you should immediately eliminate "Halle Berry" and "Beyonce Knowles" as options for this butt? [Movies.com]
• Prince proving that he's still awesome in a little package. [CityRag]
• Chris Tucker is getting $25 million for Rush Hour 3 and being difficult on set. That's right: Chris Tucker, two-five. [NYP]
• Vince Vaughn wants Aniston back. Her deviated septum is what drove them apart. [Glitterati]
• F.T. [WWTDD]
• J Lo's being a diva and requesting special light bulbs. [HR]
• Are you a creep with lots of money (I'm looking at you Joe Francis)? Go buy Katherine Heigl's bras on eBay. [eBay]
• Natalie Portman being perfect and setting my li'l unrequited heart aflutter. [Egotastic]
• I hope she bought the kosher franks. [DListed]
• That Girls Gone Wild d-bag is the only thing left that's making me hope there's a hell. [IDLYITW]
• Jennifer Hudson making you like her more than you like Beyonce. [JJ]
• Even though, apparently, everyone loves Beyonce. [HT]
• The Olsens and Saget look creepy together now. [PopSugar]
• Joe Biden gets his party started by saying that, in the past, black presidential candidates haven't been well-spoken or clean. NIIIIIIIIIICE! [NYT]
• Donald Trump, you are the biggest loser. [CityRag]
• Sorry Marilyn Manson, the world learned you're getting divorced before you did. [DListed]
• Cameron Diaz isn't afraid to share her super secret beauty tips. [IDLYITW]
• God, people are so fickle, eh, Britney? [A Socialite's Life]
• David Beckham still plays soccer? [PopSugar]
• Eva Longoria must be able to somehow become a teenaged girl, because she's the new face of Bebe Sport. [INO]
• Free at last, free at last: Joe Francis. [BWE]
• James Brown's widow is a little bit completely crazy. [Junkiness]
• More Alba bikini, just for you. [Egotastic]
So, I googled "Lindsay Lohan Water Bottle" to get a pic of Lindsay toting a water bottle as she is often seen doing these "sober" days, and came across this eBay auction for water bottles with Lindsay's face on them. Kinda perfect, no? Perhaps she should just throw caution and legal drinking ages into the wind and release her own line of water. And vodka. Same bottle. Two very different contents. Anyway…back to the real gossip.
Hopefully Lindsay is feeling better after yesterday's surgery, because the rumor mill isn't giving her a day's rest. Page Six is reporting that the recently sober starlet may not actually be so booze-free:
LINDSAY Lohan was hospitalized with appendicitis yesterday. Her rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, said, "She is having her appendix removed. There is no drama." But sources say 20-odd friends were shuffling in and out of Lohan's apartment in L.A. on Wednesday night when she called in sick with the flu to the set of "I Know Who Killed Me" - which will halt production until she's recovered. Her visitors "were not there to bring her chicken soup," a source said. Another spy said she was continuing the "constant party she started on New Year's." While celebrating in Miami, Lohan wouldn't allow bottles of liquor near her where they could be photographed - but Page Six received eyewitness accounts of Lohan drinking vodka out of water bottles.
Straight vodka out of a water bottle is pretty high school hardcore. That shit becomes room temperature pretty quickly, too. Knowing lil' Lohan, though, she can knock it back fast enough that she doesn't have to drink tepid sauce.
• Is there a heat wave going on, or are Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney filming together again? [Celebitchy]
• Oh, you best not be littering in front of Orlando Bloom, Kate Bosworth. Oh, what was that? Not your cigarette, just one of your arms falling off? Awkward. [A Socialite's Life]
• Hugh Hefner denies having a minor stroke this weekend, says it was just "virility spasm." [Hollywood Rag]
• Something tells me that trying to break into Paul McCartney's house isn't the best way for Heather Mills not to come off as a crazy in this divorce. [BWE]
• Note to self: If trying not to get sexually assaulted, stay away from dark rooms containing Joe Francis. [DListed]
• Julia Roberts is thrilled about her wheatgrass! Thrilled I say! [X17]
Okay fine. I've given up on sending Kristin Cavallari back where she came from, but that's mostly because I think she has probably figured out how to drive from Laguna Beach to Los Angeles by now. So since I have to deal with seeing her perky little mug at all the red carpet events, I have some words of advice for the newbie. There's a short list of people who I certainly would never let sweep me up to take a picture–on that list, however, is Joe Francis of the Girls Gone Wild empire. I'm sure his birthday party at Magic Mountain was fun, but ew. Smile, hug, take some photos, but do not even leave the window of opportunity for him to run away with you in into the night open even a crack.
I'm glad to see that you are back with Brody Jenner, Nick Lachey would probably take his bitterness out on you anyway. Though, you should probably tell Brody to remove his climbing harness before taking photos. It makes him look like a douche.
Finally, your outfit was cute at last night's Entertainment Weekly and Matrix for Men Upfront Party; so let's stick with that casual cool style, because honey, no matter how hot and blond you are, silver lame is never. ever. The right choice.
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