• This video of a gang of David Archuleta fans discovering the results of American Idol is both glorious and disturbing. [DListed]

• A potential new law could limit the paparazzi's access to stars near schools or hospitals. This is only, what, two years too late? [INO]

• John Mayer met Jennifer Aniston's parents. For those of you who care. [Yeeeah]

• Britney Spears might surprise everyone with a top-secret American Music Awards performance. What could possibly go wrong? [PS]

• Finally, some real men. [CityRag]

• ABC cancels three shows from its primetime lineup. Times are tough. [ICYDK]

Current Jennifer Aniston love interest John Mayer has been snatched up by CBS to host a variety show in 2009. According to insiders, the weekly extravaganza will be a "music, variety and sketch show in the '60s mold."

Because if Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey taught us anything, it's that prime time variety shows are insanely successful.

[Source]

MAN SHOOTS TEEN FOR VANDALIZING MCCAIN SIGN "Angered that two neighborhood teenagers knocked over a John McCain sign on his lawn, an Ohio man allegedly grabbed a rifle and fired three times at the duo as they sought to drive away from his Warren Township home. Kenneth Rowles, 50, was charged with felonious assault in connection with the Saturday afternoon incident, which resulted in one boy suffering a minor bullet wound."

• By popular demand: The other clip of Sarah Palin's Saturday Night Live appearance. [Yeeeah]

• Jennifer Aniston is reportedly pregnant with John Mayer's baby. We'll wait until the National Enquirer confirms this before we believe it. [INO]

• Guy Ritchie on sex with Madonna: It's like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle." [CityRag]

• Tara Reid reminds us of the dangers of too much plastic surgery. [ICYDK]

• Suri Cruise tries to make a run for it after Tom forces her to pose for pictures. What a dad. [DListed]

• Dakota Fanning performed with her high school cheerleading squad over the weekend while her new movie debuted at the box office. Just like us! [PS]

• The actress who played Marcia Brady wasn't all that wholesome: She traded sex for drugs. [Yeeeah]

• Hope nobody's planning to spend New Year's in Dubai. [INO]

• Things we never want to see: Sharon Stone's cameltoe. [CityRag]

• Dumbest shoes ever. [DListed]

• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are back together. Who didn't see this one coming? [PS]

• Now that Holly Madison is no longer with Hugh Hefner, she's moved on to bigger and better things. At a bowling alley. [ICYDK]

• Jessica Simpson continues to make weird faces while she sings. [HT]

• Diddy steps in dog poop. There is a Xenu! [DListed]

• Nobody calls John Mayer anymore, poor thing. [PS]

• Oprah filmed a guest stint on 30 Rock. If she's not giving away free stuff, we don't care. [INO]

• Alex Rodriguez and his ex-wife amicably settled their divorce case. Well, that was boring. [ICYDK]

• Pamela Anderson is the queen of aging gracefully. [Yeeeah]

[Source]

Jennifer Aniston just recently broke up with John Mayer, but not to worry — she's already found comfort in the arms of the beautiful Gerard Butler. Ugh. Says a spy at the Toronto International Film Festival:

[It] didn’t take long for the two of them to gravitate towards each other, ending up with their heads bent together in a flirty, intimate conversation. At one point I’m told his hand was placed on that sexy part of the thigh. He was also spotted rubbing her shoulder and back, leaning in close to her ear, and she of course was returning his attraction with that patented hairplay she’s perfected over the years.

That whole lame scenario just sounds like a bad movie. Which would explain why Jennifer Aniston's involved. Zing!

[Source]

• A video of a video of Amy Winehouse doing drugs. Someone put too much effort into something everyone's seen before. [Yeeeah]

• Christopher Nolan hopes Cher can ruin the Batman franchise. [ICYDK]

• Some people still find Paris Hilton attractive. Why? [HT]

• This is actually quite frightening: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stand next to each other in identical jeans. [DListed]

• Ryan Seacrest shatters America's dreams of a Britney Spears VMA comeback. [PS]

• The paparazzi are no longer interested in John Mayer. Poor thing — it must be devastating to lose all of your friends. [INO]

John Mayer sure knows how to treat a girl. We can reveal the cad singer dumped poor Jennifer Aniston by text.

A friend told us: "She is so intent on getting married and having children, he felt hemmed in. After a 20-minute phone conversation, he just said, 'I can't take it any more,' and hung up. Then he texted, "That's it - the end."

Now that we've all heard John Mayer's side of his breakup with Jennifer Aniston, it's time for America's Favorite Punching Bag to retaliate via close friends and anonymous sources. Although John politely revealed that he was the one doing the dumping, Jen's friends insist it was the other way around — but "expect Jen to behave like a lady." And how does one behave like a lady, you ask? We hope you're taking notes:

Today's lesson involves taking the high road. If you really want to be a lady, make sure you announce this to the world and then proceed to passive-aggressively insult the other person. Feel free to point out his lack of maturity and money for maximum effect.

[John's] childish behavior only confirms she was right to dump him. Now he’s acting like a spoiled child. … We’re talking about a guy who had a car waiting to take him home in New York, but he chose to walk so he could talk to the press [along the way]. He’ll drag this out until there’s someone new.

Jen was tired of paying for everything. Cobwebs come flying out of [Mayer's] wallet when he opens it. John liked living like a movie star when he was with her. … Jen would never say anything, but you could tell it irritated her.

[Source]

Someone needs to keep an eye on Jennifer Aniston, because rumor has it John Mayer dumped her and, if the media is to be believed, she is going to have a nervous breakdown due to the grief. Or something.

John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Contrary to reports, Jen didn't want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together. She also wanted him to assure her he would cut down his tours in the future when they did eventually have children.

But don't feel too sorry for Jen: Reports are stating she has already moved on with a new boyfriend. Sounds like someone's been getting lessons from Kate Hudson.

[Source]

• The Katie Holmes look is hitting stores. [INO]

• Suri Cruise: Still adorable, still on the bottle, still the second coming of Xenu. [PS]

• Jennifer Aniston wants to have John Mayer's children and "can't wait for Brad Pitt to see pictures of her holding her own baby." All the right reasons. [DListed]

• Jenna Jameson is pregnant. God help us all. [Yeeeah]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown may or may not be dating and now they may or may not be engaged. [ICYDK]

• Introducing the newest problem faced by our youth: Puppy Gangs. [CityRag]

Here's your first glimpse at the cover of Jessica Simpson's new country album — or, as we like to call it, her attempt to fit in with her Dallas Cowboy boyfriend. First the LA sex kitten act for Nick Lachey, then the dark emo hair for John Mayer, and now this.

The boots add a nice touch, Jess, but that still doesn't mean Texas is going to welcome you with open arms.

One of the most annoying things about TMZ is that the Web site regularly posts the most insignificant and mundane videos of all time. Seriously, nobody cares to see Britney Spears' lawyer driving down the street for 30 seconds. But this video is one we did enjoy, thanks to John Mayer and his self-deprecating humor — and the fact that he makes fun of TMZ throughout the clip just makes it that much more watchable.

CONTINUED »

Reputable In Touch magazine ran a story this week claiming John Mayer hit on a woman other than Jennifer Aniston, which is neither shocking nor true, according to tattletale Us Weekly.

The other woman, 32-year-old Chaton Anderson, "tearfully told Usmagazine.com that the story 'is completely not true' and she's considering legal action against the magazine." Wow, our hearts really go out to this poor woman. It's almost like she didn't ask for all this media attention — except she's crying about it to another tabloid.

Anyway, Chaton says she told a friend who works for the magazine that "nothing happened" when she met Mayer "a long time ago" — yet suddenly a fabricated story appeared in this week's issue. In Touch? Making up stories? Nah.

[Source]

Despite all his flaws, we still love John Mayer. Sure, he admits to being a d-bag from time to time — but it's his acknowledgment of the fact that actually makes him not one (if that makes any sense). And then there's instances like this, where he blogs about one of his youngest fans, Isaac.

This is my new friend Isaac. He's 4. We met before my show in Toronto. He's one of the coolest kids I've ever met. Isaac has what's called MPS. But that's not what makes him special. You'd just have to spend 30 seconds with him to know what I'm talking about.

For the rest of his entry — complete with more pictures — click here. And then feel free to shed a sentimental tear or two.

New research calls into question a study suggesting circumcision halves a man's chances of contracting HIV, a claim detailed at length in 2006 in this former "Most E-Mailed" New York Times article. According to one expert, the latest data shows the 2006 findings to be "spurious and unsupported" and more related to behavior than physicality. Whoops.

Sorry you got such a bad rap, hooded friends. To make you feel more included, after the jump, we've made a list of all your ALLEGEDLY uncircumcised brethren in Hollywood.

CONTINUED »

• Naomi Campbell says that whole incident where she spit on a police officer wasn't her fault, because someone besides the police officer called her a racial slur. Makes sense, if you're Naomi. [SH]

• Good news for Patrick Swayze: "My treatments are working and I am winning the battle." [ICYDK]

• Brittany Snow feels a connection to hookers. Don't we all? [INO]

• True to her "desperate" form, Jennifer Aniston hopped on a flight to Europe to stalk boyfriend John Mayer while he is out on tour. [PS]

• More fun with celebrity cellulite! [DListed]