David Letterman, still irked that John McCain chose to go on Katie Couric instead of his show, calls up the perky CBS news anchor and demands an explanation. Her excuse? McCain never mentioned that he was supposed to be on The Late Show.
What a liar! Also, keep ridin' that zeitgeist, Dave!
It's sad that at a time when Senator John McCain is doing the admirable thing and going back to his public duties, the tattered remnants of his campaign just can't seem to fade away.
Last week it was the whole Sarah Palin/Martin Eisendstadt hoax, then it was whether or not GOP apologist Bill Lieberman would be able to keep his place in the senate, and now we're into the real meat of the issue: what's going to happen to Joe the Plumber??
Don't worry guys, he's got it covered. Just like we originally guesstimated, Joe is getting his own book deal.
Is this a photo of sad, feeble trophy wife Cindy McCain kissing a "long-haired man who resembles 'a washed-up '80s rock musician'" (ie NOT her husband, John McCain)? According to outsider publication the National Enquirer, YES, IT IS!
Stunned? You shouldn't be. John McCain is a known misogynist who has in the past cruelly berated and humiliated Cindy, this after leaving his first wife when she became disfigured in a car accident. If a husband's going to be cheated on, he often will have been behaving like John McCain. Nevertheless, witnesses to the kiss, which took place in Tempe, a collegiate wasteland within spitting distance of central Phoenix, were dismayed:
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So the same guy who sold us on the old "Joe the Plumber making out with Kristin Wiig scam" apparently got Fox News and the rest of the country believing his story about Sarah Palin not knowing that Africa was a continent and not a country.
S'crazy, right? Because wouldn't Fox News have people to fact-check this? And yes, Martin Eisenstadt (pictured left next to Joe) says he's a McCain strategist and shares/stole the name of a conservative analyst but didn't the flack over at News Corp bother to Google him or anything? This dude is a total phony.
But it gets weirder.
What a response! It's slightly heartwarming to know that I'm not the only one with psychotic Facebook friends — but it's also frightening to realize just how many crazy people are out there. Thanks to the overwhelming number of entries for Most Ignorant Facebook User Ever, we've broken it down into sections. Enjoy (and weep for our country)!
Now that the election is over and both Tina Fey and Sarah Palin have ended their runs playing the potential future Vice President, what's in the cards for the two women? Both are hilarious — one intentionally, one unintentionally — and both are beautiful and (arguably) talented. So who will stand a better chance for success in life after the presidential election? CONTINUED »
Nate Silver, the statistician creator of FiveThirtyEight.com, predicted months ago that the general election would yield Barack Obama 52.4 percent of the popular vote and John McCain 46.3 percent. The actual results were 52.3 percent for Obama and 46.2 percent for McCain—two-tenths of a point off Silver's guesses.
Naturally, corporations everywhere are eager to exploit Silver's powers. According to the Wall Street Journal, Silver is considering using his predicative methods to conjure congressional vote results and movies' box-office performances. From there, the sky's the limit.
It all ends, of course, when Silver drills a hole into his own skull like that guy in Pi.
LET THE MCCAIN-PALIN INFIGHTING BEGIN!!! "On Wednesday, two top McCain campaign advisers said that the clothing purchases for Ms. Palin and her family were a particular source of outrage for them. As they portrayed it, Ms. Palin had been advised by Nicolle Wallace, a senior McCain aide, that she should buy three new suits for the Republican National Convention in St. Paul in September and three additional suits for the fall campaign. The budget for the clothes was anticipated to be from $20,000 to $25,000, the officials said. Instead, in a public relations debacle undermining Ms. Palin’s image as an everywoman 'hockey mom,' bills came in to the Republican National Committee for about $150,000, including charges of $75,062 at Neiman Marcus and $49,425 at Saks Fifth Avenue. The bills included clothing for Ms. Palin’s family and purchases of shoes, luggage and jewelry, the advisers said."
Barack Obama wasn't the only one giving a noteworthy speech last night — John McCain also spoke in Arizona upon handily losing the election to our new President-elect. His speech was everything it should have been: Inspiring, classy and full of "my friends." His supporters/"friends" in the audience were rowdy as usual, booing every two seconds and crying fearful tears as their leader attempted to explain to them that an Obama presidency is not the end of the world.
Respectable speech, John. Wish we could say the same thing for your campaign.
How long has this election been dragging on, like, 10 years or something? Tonight will (hopefully) bring an end to the race, with either a Barack Obama or John McCain victory. While we watch history being made, we encourage all of our readers to chime in throughout the evening with their thoughts on the results. We'll be popping in from time to time — Cord with coverage of the DC scene and Whitney from NYC — to keep you updated on the returns and the final result.
And, for the love of Xenu, don't kill each other. CONTINUED »
Today The View celebrated what is likely one of the last few days the ladies will offer anything interesting for our viewing pleasure, due to the light at the end of the political tunnel. Nobody wants to hear these hens sit around and squawk about menopause — we tune in every morning to see Elisabeth have a nervous breakdown in a fit of ignorant rage.
Over the last couple of weeks, Whoopi has been determined to cut to commercial the second Lissy starts going on a rampage, much to the disappointment of everyone desperate enough to be watching this show. But today she flat gave up after attempting to explain herself to Elisabeth for the hundredth time to no avail.
Please, Xenu, if you're out there, get Obama elected so we don't have to see this smug idiot's face tomorrow morning crowing about how the "good guys" won.
Musical loser Akon, on why everyone should vote for Barack Obama:
If he [Obama] doesn't get into office, I'm gonna change my citizenship. I'm moving back to Africa. You can hold me to that. I'm afraid to live there if he [McCain] is President. The decisions he makes scare me: he's making selfish decisions, he's doing whatever it takes to get into office.
First of all, nobody truly cares if a faux thug who repeatedly assaults his concert-goers is going to leave the country or not; in fact, it might actually be a genius plan to score a few more votes for McCain.
[Source]
So Saturday Night Live milked the last they could out of the election last night, during the "Live" Presidential Bash, which wasn't very live at all but, for the most part, pre-taped. Okay, whatever, Lorne. It's your reputation.
But as for the "guests" who stopped by, there wasn't an Obama or Biden to be seen! But you know who did try their hand at comedy, for the umpteenth time? You betcha… John McCain and Sarah Plain and Quirky.
Ha ha ha? That was more somber than funny, Palin. Especially the part where you threaten NBC with revoking their broadcasting license once you are sworn in as Vice President. Lady, you are terrifying.
Here's John McCain, not doing much better, after the jump.
STRONG ADVICE FROM THE MCCAIN CAMP "When asked how he was planning to get through the marathon seven-state day, Salter [senior aide to John McCain] quipped: 'Crystal meth. Me, personally, that’s how I’m going to do it.'"
After what feels like years of disgusting tales from the presidential campaigns, here's something heartwarming: Children getting involved in the political process in a cute way, without being forced to play mouthpiece for their parents. We're all for kids learning to love politics at an early age as long as they are open to both sides and not brainwashed into thinking one way or the other (for an example of that, revisit this).
And remember: You can vote however you like today. Just go vote.
MCCAIN, NADER COME UP SHORT IN DIXVILLE NOTCH "Democrat Barack Obama came up a big winner in the presidential race in Dixville Notch, N.H., where the nation's first Election Day votes were cast and counted early Tuesday. Obama defeated John McCain 15-6. Independent Ralph Nader was also on the ballot, but received no votes. The first voter, following tradition established in 1948, was picked ahead of the midnight voting and the rest of the town's 19 registered voters followed suit in Tuesday's first minutes. … President Bush won the vote in Dixville Notch in 2004 on the way to his re-election."
We don't know who's worse, the screechy McCain sociopath in clown makeup who wouldn't give Halloween candy to the children of Obama supporters, or her Obama fan neighbor who fought back with an "Obama for [Mercedes Benz symbol]" poster. ONLY ONE MORE DAY, FOLKS!!!!
Click through for the video clip.
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