• Have you ever stepped on a cat's tail? That's what Kat DeLuna's rendition of the National Anthem sounds like, except it goes on for two minutes. [DListed]

• Megan Fox in GQ. Men everywhere rejoice. [Yeeeah]

• What happened to Christina Aguilera? [PS]

• Heidi Montag tries on a large cross necklace covered in diamonds and poses for the paparazzi, because that's what Jesus would do. [HT]

• For those of you who forgot, the Jonas Brothers are just teenage boys and not the second coming of Xenu. [ICYDK]

• A couple made in cleanliness heaven: Mischa Barton and Josh Hartnett. [INO]

• The light almost came for Pete Doherty after yet another drug overdose. [DListed]

• Thanks to a misguided notion that America wants to see more of him on the big screen, Tom Cruise announced he is searching for more comedic movie roles. [ICYDK]

• Things we never thought we'd see again: Britney Spears looking good in a bikini. [HT]

• Harry Potter wants to be a drag queen. Naturally. [INO]

• We had almost forgotten about Josh Hartnett, so of course new reports are claiming that he's got a sex tape. [Yeeeah]

• It's a miracle! Christina Aguilera isn't wearing her red lipstick. [PS]

[Source]

• A gross amount of guns. [SH]

• Steven Tyler's gross throat. [DListed]

• Josh Hartnett's gross movie. [PS]

• Heidi Montag's gross pleas for attention. [HT]

• A gross leg grossing around after years of its owner being grossed out by food. [INO]

• Nothing gross here. [ICYDK]

• Any number of gross things here. [Yeeeah]

• Lindsay Lohan's bodyguard being gross and copping a feel. [CityRag]

• This video is old and very NSFW, but it's also wonderful.

• Pete Doherty: "Apparently, I've got loads of self-esteem issues." Breakthrough! But he says he's not sure about completely quitting drugs. Regression! [DListed]

• Josh Hartnett's limping back onto the scene. Whatever. Guess there's room. [PS]

• The Hills girls are smiling and not crying here. Interesting fact: There's really nothing to say about them that hasn't already been said. [HT]

• I imagine nobody with 17 kids has a lot of sex. Then again, most people with 17 kids probably had a lot of sex to get those kids. [ICYDK]

• More breast cancer charity donation opportunities. (Are we only doing this to stay off Jezebel's Filthy, Filthy Chauvinist Radar? Maybe.) [INO]

• Vada Sultenfuss is engaged! Thomas will always live in her heart, though. [Yeeeah]

• Why will "Mosh Girl" never die? And why am I excited about watching all the "Mosh Girl" spoofs with my children? [CityRag]

Josh Hartnett, who's rumored to be dating dazzling coquette Penelope Cruz, was recently seen in New York with a different, sluttier variety of lady on his lap. This according to the Daily News:

Our spy spotted the hunk cuddling a blond model at Snitch Bar on W. 21st St. Monday night. Says our sneak: "She sat on his lap in thigh-high black boots and white shorts while he chain-smoked."

Let's stop using the word "hunk," OK? Words like that remind you that your grandma used to fuck. Let's also stop running around on Penelope Cruz. Everyone knows she's a fairy, and if you cheat on them the consequences are dire. Scorned fairies turn all the sugar to salt and make rainbows brown.

If your next mocha sucks, you have Josh Hartnett to thank.

[Source]

The new issue of Jane offers a photo spread with a very simple premise: "We went to Sundance and asked a bunch of stars, "What's your crime?" Then we shot them."

Well get ready, because the stars' answers generally hit you so hard with a one-two combo of boring and puzzling that you might think you're watching Lost. The only two to get it right were Paul Rudd and Sam Rockwell.

Unfortunately, Jane staffers failed to include in the shoot noted Sundance regulars OJ Simpson, Brandy and Roman Polanski. Put your thinking caps on, you three; and be prepared with some wacky "crimes" next year!

PS Who's Amy Ferguson?

[Source]

• Nick and Vanessa at a Knicks game, laughing, wearing sweaters and drinking plastic cups of domestic beer. These pictures are so American they could be the new flag. [PopSugar]

• Don't look Ms. Miller in the eye when you give her your free shit. [NYP]

• Unfortunately, yet another vehicular manslaughter. [TMZ]

• I think this means that Brandon Davis has a small penis. I'm not good with the "blind item" things. [NYDN]

• Take a pic of Diddy and he'll "spend the rest of his life hunting you down." Or, he'll run away and have his bodyguard do it. [Jossip]

• Josh Hartnett's so overcome with grief after breaking up with Scarlett that his only refuge is getting blown in bar bathrooms. [ASL]

• Victoria Beckham is starting a clothing line aimed at "curvy" women. She's also placing a ban on size zero models promoting her clothing. I respect what she's doing. That being said, isn't this like Michael Kors banning gay men from his shows? [SNO]

• Brit and Paris feud all the way in Vienna. Paris wins. Hate her, but respect that shit goes her way all the time. [MSNBC]

• Courtney and Brad call a truce. War in Iraq still rages on. [Us]

• Sienna Miller and Josh Hartnett? Mediocrity squared. [People]

• Hugh Hefner wants to have another kid, even though he's 80. Isn't it selfish to have a baby when you're pretty certain you won't be around for him very long? [TMZ]

• Mischa's b/f is a big letdown, and he might ruin her. Now she knows how The OC feels. [PopSugar]

• Somebody found a bunch of Myspace pages of American Idol contestants. Looking at them for longer than 15 seconds is shameful. [DBC]

• What we could do with $1.2 trillion, besides kill each other. [NYT]

• Max Snow escorts Mary-Kate down the stairs like the lady that she is. [INO]

• Josh Harnett gets a BJ, Lower East Side bathroom style. [DListed]

• Perhaps Kate Hudson's being bitchy because she finally saw You, Me and Dupree. [Us]

• Beyonce's mom will dress the NY Nets dancers. Expect lots of formal shorts. [A Socialite's Life]

• I Love New York is on, bitches. I hope you treasure her vagina as much as she does. [CityRag]

• Brad Pitt just flew into Palm Springs and boy were his arms tired. [PopSugar]

• Lindsay's flack is one phone call from "Fuck it. It's all fucking true. Now go away." [Gawker]

• Gwen buys kept husband new baby-making factory. [PopSugar]

• Do I have to pretend to care about this Rosie/Trump thing? Do I? Call me when they Jell-o wrestle it out. [DListed]

• Pussycat Nightmares. [IDLYITW]

• Maybe she's hot for his part. [Page Six]

• Bone fight! [A Socialite's Life]

• Christmas came early for Tara Reid. [HollywoodTuna]

• MADD hates Miss Teen USA. MABT (Mothers Against Bi-Curious Teens), on the other hand, has yet to come out with an official statement. [INO]

Uh, sweet part, Josh.

Meanwhile, Julianne Moore's no Renee Zellweger, but couldn't someone get the poor woman a brush between waking her up from the post-Magnolia (or post-Nine Months, in my heart) nap, dressing her up in "what the kids are wearing," and shoving her onto the red carpet for the Children of Men screening? And who let Julia Stiles into the My So-Called Life wardrobe/my middle school closet? I thought we agreed to keep that one shut forever.

[Source]

• Blech. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• The Post weighs in on this meeting of the minds. [MetaDish]

• Brit vs. The Fed: Who is gonna fall harder faster? [BWE]

• Beyonce tries to get a leg up on Jennifer Hudson by releasing a new video from Dreamgirls. [popbytes]

• Britney drops three thou on a couple pairs of underwear. Listen, doll, we need quantity more than quality here. [DListed]

• Josh Hartnett's new girl is a coworker. Now that her name is out, ScarJo's totally gonna cut a bitch. [PopSugar]

• Nicole Kidman was sleeping when she married Keith Urban. That explainsn a lot. [Us]

It looks like Page Six was onto something when they insinuated that Josh Harnett and Scarlett Johansson were ready to go quitsies on their double letter love fest. I care somewhat little, as they never made public asses of themselves and I mostly love those who make public asses of themselves, but I am intrigued by the pretty little black cardigan he was seen prancing around the Sydney airport wearing. The Daily Telegraph reports on Josh's new lady friend, too:

On a break from filming in New Zealand, movie hunk Hartnett spent the weekend in Sydney with the mystery woman as reports began to surface of a rift in his romance with screen siren Johansson.

Confidential caught up with the pair as they prepared to depart Sydney late yesterday - but Hartnett was in no mood to talk, telling photographers to "get f…ed" as he and his female companion walked through Sydney airport.

The brunette - wearing dark glasses, a hat and trying to cover her face with her bag and jacket - bolted into the terminal after leaving hotel Blue in Woolloomooloo, where they had been bunkered down for the weekend.

Earlier, Hartnett and his offsider had eaten at nearby restaurant Salon Blanc for the third time in two days, sitting discretely in a back corner of the celebrity hotspot at Woolloomooloo Wharf to avoid attention.

No word yet (and one pesky leather jacket in the way of knowing) whether the new lady's got the goods to match Scarlett's epic physique, but I can probably guarantee the new chickie doesn't sound like she's been smoking for 90 years (I mean that as a complement. ScarJo's voice is the hotness).

[Source]

• Can we please have the official denial of the pregnancy from Moss/Doherty? Because otherwise watching fetal alcohol syndrome in action is a bit uncomfortable. [BWE]

• Haven't cried yet today? Madonna on Oprah should clear that right up for you. [DListed]

• Vote, the cast of Ocean's 13 (movie felons, ironic) says so. [PopSugar]

• Tupac liked Shakespeare, but it was too many letters to tattoo across his abs, so he went with Thug Life. [Junkiness]

• Josh Harnett is pouty that the rest of the world knows how hot Scarlett Johansson is. Pssst, Josh, Esquire didn't let out any big secret. [Star]

• Paparazzi continue to take the least flattering photos possible of Avril Lavigne. Revenge is sweet. [X17]

• Here's the thing, ladies, when we can see your ass, perhaps it's a shirt and not a dress. [Celebitchy]

• Demi fixes everything that sags. Ev-ery-thing. Chew on that. [Yeeeah]

• Jessica Simpson is fun after all! She loves shopping cart surfing! [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Not another one: Christina Aguilera wants to act. [PopSugar]

• Kate Beckinsale models the ultimate in hobo chic: A satin trash bag. [Egotastic]

• Aaron Carter realized that his girlfriend is a freaking Playmate, so he might not have to marry her in order to get laid. [The Superficial]

• Contrary to what some are saying, Kate Hudson does not have six toes. She still might be dating Owen Wilson, though. [Celebitchy]

• There are Josh Hartnett ass shots that we'll never see. Human tragedy, really. [Junkiness]

• These muppets really, really hate the police. [BWE]

• Older, crazy, bitchy Hollywood was once young, hot, fun Hollywood. [CityRag]

• Lindsay Lohan's not posing, she just loves to box with side boob faced towards the paparazzi. [WWTDD]

• After five days of breath-holding, Rob Schnieder finally comes out with a statement on the Melgate. [BWE]

• I'm not sure I would let Jim Carey near my precious hair with scissors. [CityRag]

• Never let it be said that Ryan Adams doesn't defend his ladyfolk, and write hundreds of songs about them. Hourly. [Jossip]

• No matter how many flowers her dress may have on it, Hilary Swank will never be dainty. [Teddy and Moo]

• Scarlett Johansson beats the heat with ice cream, dressing for a bygone era. [JustJared]

• Jessica Simpson figured out that she needed to leave Nick through the words of Patty Griffith, and the penis of Johnny Knoxville. [HotMommaDrama]

• Remember when Jude Law was supposed to be hot? Ugh, me neither. [DrunkenStepfather]

• This just in: Starlets love themselves some older men. Methinks Bob Barker just got a new lease on life. [Junkiness]

• Josh Harnett is worried about his girl Scarlett Johansson getting with Wilmer Valderamma. Ouch, Josh, very ouch. [PopSugar]

• Mysterious body-like shapes emerge underneath Nicole Richie's clothing. [VelvetHotTub]

• You're not a rock star, Jared Leto, just give up. [CityRag]

• Lindsay Lohan is keeping Harry Morton around longer than expected. Maybe he's even better with the Pink Taco than we thought. [A Socialite's Life]

• Jennifer Garner is scared of Jennifer Lopez. Stars, they’re just like us! [Celebitchy]

• Angelina Jolie didn’t just buy one Shiloh domain name, she bought all of them she could think of. I’m still trying to get my hands on www.shiloh-jolie-pitt-not-aniston.com. [JustJared]

• Jamie Foxx wants to make sure that everyone knows he has sex for 30 minutes a day. Doesn’t matter with who or what, he just needs to get his 30 minutes in. [A Socialite’s Life]

• Offer up your trashy chic Lower East Side apartment to Josh Hartnett for an afternoon and gain memories of standing around watching that last a lifetime. [Jossip]

• Jessica Alba, go ahead and sunbathe topless, we promise we won’t peak. Pinky swear. [WWTDD]

• Jennifer Aniston finds everything ‘liberating’ these days, making movies, getting naked, burning her wedding photos. [Egotastic]