• Too much hotness in one video: Anderson Cooper and Michael Phelps take to the pool.
• Tom Cruise allowed his family to have a nice, quiet Thanksgiving at home. Just kidding, he paraded them out in front of the paparazzi, as usual. [PS]
• Another lukewarm "Womanizer" performance by Britney Spears. [Yeeeah]
• And the Britney mediocrity continues, this time in Glamour magazine. [HT]
• When did Shia LaBeouf turn into a homeless person? [INO]
• Worst rumor of the week: Mary-Kate Olsen is pregnant. Xenu help us all. [ICYDK]
If any other mommy and little girl decided to stop for a moment on the street to tie a shoe or pick up a dropped doll, a second look wouldn't be warranted. And then there is Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise.
Scientology's biggest advocate and worst spokesperson, Tom Cruise, is addressing that whole misunderstanding in which he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch like a crazy person. Of course, none of it makes much sense:
There are things that I could have done better. I could have handled things better. I was surprised at the criticism but it brought everyone closer together: Katie's entire family and my family. Going through that stuff is not pleasant and I think it hit an extreme, but Kate's a very sure and confident and strong woman. She gets it, you know.
She gets that you're insane? That's good. And on to daughter Suri, who is constantly paraded in front of the paparazzi like a circus pony:
I don't want her to be afraid of people. I'm not going to live in fear or have her be frightened of people. She's very open and warm with lots of love and understanding. She's happy and fun. She'll just wave to people in the street.
Fair enough, Tom, but remember: It's one thing to raise a child to be friendly, it's another to raise a child to be emotionally unstable. We have a feeling you're teetering on the latter scenario.
THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS • "In her new fly-on-the-wall documentary for MTV, [Britney Spears] is caught during a candid moment shopping with her assistant. As she holds up a blouse, she says, 'Look, this is very mommy.' Her assistant replies, 'It's very ugly.' Britney wrinkles her nose and laughs, 'It is very Katie Holmes.'"
THIS IS GOOD FOR THE KIDS • "Suri Cruise is hotter than Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids. At least according to Forbes.com's 'Hollywood's 10 Hottest Tots.' Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' 2-year-old daughter topped the second annual list, which ranks celeb kids 5 years old and younger based on media attention and their parents' popularity."
[Source]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are celebrating two years of their creepy, bizarre marriage. [DListed]
• Amy Winehouse's drug-filled beehive is back. Everyone can relax. [ICYDK]
• Mariah Carey knows how to get the pregnancy rumor mill churning: Cover up and touch your stomach. [PS]
• Jessica Simpson continues to mutilate her face. [HT]
• Twilight star Robert Pattinson is going to have some sort of nervous breakdown in the very near future. It's inevitable. [INO]
• Life is tough for Kim Kardashian. [Yeeeah]
Apparently some people are rioting out of concern for Suri Cruise and her lack of a coat in the New York City cold. Sure, it's pretty chilly outside and those little sleeves on her designer dress aren't going to keep the 2-year-old warm, but we'd say this is the least of her worries.
If we're going to complain about the child's need for a heavy jacket, we should also address her need for parents who don't use every trip to Baby Gap as a photo shoot. By this point, Suri surely knows each member of the NYC paparazzi brigade on a first-name basis.
[Source]
• Sarah Jessica Parker does her civic duty and frightens others into voting for Barack Obama.[ICYDK]
• Mariah Carey actually looks like a more respectable citizen on Halloween than she does any other day. [DListed]
• Beyonce — excuse us, "Sasha Fierce" — is becoming increasingly more annoying by the day. [Yeeeah]
• Why do people still insist on using the word "maverick"? [INO]
• Suri Cruise is slowly turning into Katie Holmes, who is slowly turning into Tom Cruise. [PS]
• You can dress them up, but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are still the most annoying couple of all time. [HT]
[Source]
CRUISE TO HELP ROAST 'GLIB' LAUER "In June 2005, Today Show anchor Matt Lauer took Tom Cruise to task on live TV for the actor's controversial, anti-psychiatry, pro-Scientology beliefs, and in the process created one of the most memorable interviews in the long history of the morning chatfest. And now … the Oscar nominee may be getting his revenge by making a surprise appearance at today's Friars Club roast for the NBC star! While the Friars Club's official line is that Tom isn't scheduled to be part of the Matt-mocking, insiders continue to tell OK! that a super-surprise appearance by Mr. Katie Holmes is indeed in the works, and that it has been planned for weeks."
Click through for video for video of the infamous showdown, dear glib readers.
CONTINUED »
• Britney Spears takes her kids to the pumpkin patch; everyone survives. [PS]
• Paris Hilton is flying into space and fears she may never come back. We don't see a problem with that. [INO]
• Michael Jackson emerges from his cave to frighten the citizens of LA. [DListed]
• Katie Holmes has two different sets of teeth. [Yeeeah]
• Everyone's talking about it, but we still have no idea why: Suri Cruise got a haircut. [ICYDK]
• Hayden Panettiere wears men's boxers, which is the most exciting thing she's done in a long time. [HT]
[Source]
• Guy Ritchie is slowly going crazy. Marrying Madonna will do that to you. [DListed]
• Lindsay Lohan has now set her sights on Chace Crawford. Wait, what happened to being a lesbian? [INO]
• A look at Hollywood's toothy kissers. [CityRag]
• Mary-Kate Olsen got in a minor fender bender. No tiny trolls were injured in the process. [PS]
• Tom Cruise has officially turned Katie Holmes into himself. [ICYDK]
• Faith Hill should never look this good in a bikini. [Yeeeah]
• The actress who played Marcia Brady wasn't all that wholesome: She traded sex for drugs. [Yeeeah]
• Hope nobody's planning to spend New Year's in Dubai. [INO]
• Things we never want to see: Sharon Stone's cameltoe. [CityRag]
• Dumbest shoes ever. [DListed]
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston are back together. Who didn't see this one coming? [PS]
• Now that Holly Madison is no longer with Hugh Hefner, she's moved on to bigger and better things. At a bowling alley. [ICYDK]
We would ask what happened to Katie Holmes, but we already know the answer: Tom Cruise happened to Katie Holmes. It's a shame, too, because she's a pretty girl who seemingly had her head on straight before the Scientology wizards got a hold on her. Now she's simply a shell of her former self, prancing around in mom jeans and Posh's latest haircut.
Here's a clip of her upcoming performance in Eli Stone. We're assuming the scene is supposed to present Katie as some sex kitten, but it just makes us feel extremely uncomfortable. Fail.
Jennifer Lopez, friend and relative of a plethora of Scientologists, defended the religion in a recent interview — but she's totally not a member of the cult. She just holds the same beliefs, hopes to school her children in Scientology lessons and thinks it's a great way of life. Got it?
I do know a lot about Scientology. And I know about the practices. I know all about what the technology is and all that kind of stuff. It's very helpful. So in a sense, yeah, you do call on it. No [I don't consider myself a Scientologist]. I wouldn't have a problem saying it because I know what it is. I have no problems with it and it really actually bothers me that people have such a negative feeling towards it.
J.Lo went on to tell about a nervous breakdown she had a few years ago on the set of Enough: "Right away they want to give you pills. But I have never liked the idea of pills and kept saying no to that. … I've still never been to a shrink. I'm not a shrinky person." So you don't believe in medicine or shrinks. Hmm. If it walks like a duck…
[Source]
Unfortunately for the world — and even more unfortunately for Britney Spears — Adnan Ghalib refuses to go away and is pulling out the whole "sex tape" controversy to stay in the spotlight. He says he will sell the tape, but only for the right amount of money — and he's "not interested in selling out any other details about Britney." What a guy. The two hour-footage reportedly featured a naked Britney prancing around in her infamous pink wig. It's safe to say nobody wants to see that.
Meanwhile, here's some pictures of Britney flying from LA to NYC yesterday. We would go out and try to catch a glimpse of the singer, but you know she's being locked up in a hotel room somewhere, much like Tom Cruise does when Katie Holmes breaks the rules of Scientology.
[Source]
• Aubrey O'Day's dog was probably better off at the shelter. [DListed]
• Good news! Hollywood has come up with yet another unhealthy way to lose weight. [INO]
• Photos of Heather Locklear's arrest. She still looks crazy. [CityRag]
• Amy Winehouse went crazy and attacked some people. So basically, a typical weekend. [Yeeeah]
• Dennis Quaid is disgusted with Meg Ryan and her need for attention. [ICYDK]
• Katie Holmes has lost all of her attractiveness — now she's just plan scary. How sad. [PS]
[Source]
Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons last night was not without incident. No, Tom didn't beat a man bloody with his small but lightning-fast balled fists. As has become the norm at any event attended by noteworthy Scientologists, 'twas those funny, funny, funny Anonymous weirdos keeping it interesting:
About 30 protesters lined up at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre and chanted “Scientology kills!”
Some wore masks like in the movie “V for Vendetta,” and one poster read: “FREE KATIE.”
• Aubrey O'Day hates her reputation, so she says a lot of stuff about sex and poses provocatively to change her image. Good work. [Yeeeah]
• Katie Holmes makes her Broadway debut tonight, but, as usual, it's all about Tom Cruise. [PS]
• Tara Reid is perfectly sober. [INO]
• Madonna's husband thinks the best kind of sex only lasts four seconds. We're not surprised. [ICYDK]
• Speaking of Madge, here's a video of her falling during a concert. [DListed]
• Good, clean fun: Name the celebrity cameltoe. [CityRag]
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