On the way out of Noir in Vegas last weekend, Kelly [Osbourne] told Paris [Hilton] and some pals, "[Paris] gave me my first alcohol poisoning!" to which the billionheiress laughingly responded, "I did?! That's hot."

[Source]

• Britney buys her two-year-old a puppy, because he's totally responsible enough for one of those now. [ICYDK]

• K-Fed wants $50 Million and he'll never try for custody of the "two" (I'm not buying the second one until we see him) kids. How sweet. [DListed]

• Kate Hudson's Eternal Summer is hot. [PopSugar]

• Lohan is dying, and it's probably somehow all of our faults. That, and her good friend Jack. [Egotastic]

• …But at least she's getting to hang out with the big girls. [Yeeeah]

• Halle Berry hates us Internet rumor a-holes. [INO]

• I think I forgot how endearing the Osbornes are. [BWE]

• Adam Brody totally faded: Hot or not? [DListed]

• Diddy's expecting twins! Well, but Diddy per se, but you know what I mean. [US Weekly]

• Tom Cruise's mom, er, manager forces him to walk over to Brooke Shields house and apologize for being a jerk. [A Socialite's Life]

• Wedding bells (inflatable ones at least) for Kelly Osborne. [Hollywood Rag]

• Nick and Jessica aren't the only ones battling it out in their lyrics, Justin Timberlake wants to play, too. [TMZ]

• Britney, never one to deny a craving, thinks outside the bun at Taco Bell. [PopSugar]

• Ashlee Simpson fits right in a MisShapes! She made out with a hipster who puts himself naked on his camera phone and purged all over the bathroom! [Radar]

• Jealous of the attention Jake was getting, Matthew McConaughey got his boys involved. [CityRag]

• Even when she's just giving advice on how to lose baby weight, Gwyneth Paltrow still seems condescending. [Celebrity Nation]

• Nicole Richie's new man climbed out of the kind porn your parents used to watch when they were kids, put on her sunglasses, and decided he was "in touch with the youth" by wearing a Girls Gone Wild. T-Shirt. Swoon. [Teddy & Moo]

• Just think, without the wonder of Reality TV, we wouldn't have this video of a dude masturbating. Sigh. [BWE]

• Could Heidi Klum be any more adorable? [PopSugar]

• Lohan's lying. About everything. It just makes me feel so used. [Hot Momma Drama]

• Dear Britney, your child is too young to drive. Yes, even those mini cars. [Splash]

• Justin and Cameron brought their sexy to Africa, got dissed. [A Socialite's Life]

• Kelly Osborne gets laid on a regular basis. [DrunkenStepfather]