Broadway has officially lost it. After offering roles in Chicago to Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton, it only makes sense that Kevin Federline would be invited to join the cast of Legally Blonde in September.
The former backup dancer and aspiring hip-hop artist … will test his song-and-dance chops in a trio of roles — including the UPS guy who inspires the 'bend and snap.'
'This is his chance to show the world what he can do,' says a pal.
And now that he has physical custody, sons Sean, 2, and Jayden, 18 months, might join him in the Big Apple. 'This is his dream and he wants to bring the kids,” says the insider. “Jamie and Lynne [Spears] promised to help him make it work.'
The last things these kids need is to be on the other side of the country from their mother. Actually … that might not be such a bad idea. Let's just hope he doesn't attempt to rap.
[Source]
Although it seemed like a good idea to allow Britney Spears visitation with her children, the kids don't seem to be coping with the arrangement as well as hoped.
Sean Preston has been sleeping in the same room as father Kevin Federline lately because he’s been having nightmares.
According to insiders, Preston, 2, also cried for his dad at first when Britney picked them up, but Kevin soothed him and he settled down.
Britney has her own way of trying to soothe her sons. 'Britney always sings to them. She loves lullabies.'
The boys are said to be confused when it comes to their mom.
Welcome to the club, boys.
[Source]
The day isn't complete without a Spears family update, so here's the latest: Britney was allowed to see her kids — twice — and all parties survived. Oh, and Jamie Lynn is done with high school. But back to Brit:
'It went very well,' a source close to the pop star tells OK! about this second visit. 'The boys are really happy to see their mom.'
Even those who you'd expect to be most skeptical about the visits, like Mark Vincent Kaplan, lawyer for Brit's ex-husband Kevin Federline, seemed upbeat on Monday. 'These visitations with the boys will help to normalize the family environment,' Kaplan told OK!. 'Kevin has always been rooting for Britney to regain visitation … and if these visits go well, they will ramp up over time.'
Britney was also spotted attending church Sunday morning with dad Jamie Spears. Hallelujah!
In news that nobody cares about, little sister Jamie Lynn passed her GED exam. Her family would have thrown her some sort of congratulatory party, but they were all busy making sure Britney didn't eat her children.
[Source]
No, this picture isn't from an episode of Cheaters. The creepy paparazzi snapped this yesterday while Britney Spears got her hair fixed in LA by Kim Vo. Again?! Was he re-greasing her bald spot?
Hair issues aside, Brit had a rough day yesterday: Although she got herself a new lawyer, things stayed the same in her custody hearing.
Although K-Fed and his lawyers claimed to want Britney to see the kids, both sides couldn't reach an agreement. So things will stay the way they are for awhile.
Those kids don't need to see Britney yet. Not until Ken Paves can get rid of that rodent on top of her head — it's scaring us. There's no telling what kind of traumatic effect it could have on her babies. They already have to deal with K-Fed's faux-hawk.
[Source]
Friday was the anniversary of Anna Nicole Smith's death, and her hangers-on are still finding ways to sell her out. It's like looking into the future, except instead of Larry Birkhead it's Kevin Federline, and instead of Howard K. Stern it's Sam Lutfi.
Anna's former bodyguard, Big Moe, is the latest to give his story and share new "shocking" details, like the fact that Larry Birkhead is probably gay. Duh.
'Because of how Larry looked, she figured, oh my child would look great,' Big Moe told Access Hollywood's Tony Potts. 'Blonde hair, blue eyes, you know, "Go great with me and my baby will come out beautiful."'
'So basically, from what she told you and what you’re telling me is that Anna looked at Larry as a sperm donor to get a really beautiful child?' Tony asked.
'That's it,' Big Moe said.
Big Moe also claims Anna told him that due to his 'lifestyle' there would be no strings attached.
'What's his lifestyle?' Tony asked.
'Well, she told me that, you know, he was a homosexual,' Big Moe said. 'She knew deep down that he didn't want to be with her.'
Look, we're not doubting that Larry plays for the other team, but just because a guy didn't want to touch Anna Nicole with a 10-foot pole doesn't mean he's gay.
[Source]
NO MOTHER FOR YOUNG BOYS "A court commissioner decided Monday to keep in effect an order suspending Britney Spears' right to visit her two sons and keeping them in the custody of ex-husband Kevin Federline…Gordon scheduled another hearing for Feb. 19."
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is Betty Ford:
Snoop only thanks God
When the weed is strong enough:
Then bullshit tastes gooooooood.
Excellent job.
New one down here.
CONTINUED »
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE TOXIC? "LAPD officers slapped Britney Spears with a temporary restraining order last Thursday night during her custody standoff…Called an 'emergency protective order,' it is enforced for five business days. Officers did it to 'stabilize the situation,' confirmed Kevin Federline's attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan. Kaplan…declined to say whether he would seek to extend it."
A child custody standoff between Britney Spears and employees of ex-husband Kevin Federline at her California home lasted three hours and ended with an intoxicated Spears releasing the children before she was carted away in an ambulance…
…
"It is total craziness here; we don't know what is going on inside but it cannot be good," an eyewitness said…
Reports say Spears was under the influence of an "unknown substance." Common sense says, "No shit."
CAN'T TAKES NO MORE "The high-powered firm of Trope and Trope filed legal papers today asking to withdraw as Brit's hired guns in her custody dispute with K-Daddy. In the legal papers, attorney Tara Scott from Trope and Trope wrote, 'There has been a breakdown in communications between [Britney] and Trope and Trope making further representation of her interests impossible.'"
We can't stress it enough: Almost all of the time, but especially in Miami, VIP stands for Very Irritating People. Vociferous, Ignorant Pricks?
[Source]
Hip(pie?) parenting site Babble has named Britney Spears 2007's worst celebrity parent. Her ex-husband, Kevin Federline, was chosen as the second worst.
The former couple's childrearing skills were considered worse than those of known drug addict Bobby Brown and vehement bigot Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Congratulations, guys!
• Hollywood actors: Even when they're working, they're still goofing off. [DListed]
• The guy's still up for "dorky dad" roles. Counts for something, right? [PS]
• So young and already so charitable. [EBG]
• Rose McGowan with red hair. Can you believe it? Can you hardly believe it? [HT]
• Coupling and copulating? Perhaps corporeal, but perhaps counterfeit. Care? [INO]
• Brooklyn says the feeling's mutual, Miranda. [ICYDK]
• Britney Spears invited her ex-husband Kevin Federline to her birthday bash. But he goes, "Ummm…I'm taking care of our kids." And she's all, "Whatever, lame ass." The end. (But not really.) [Yeeeah]
• Horrible memories are served! [CityRag]
Is everyone hip to the racist cesspool the once interesting Real World has become?
Cast member Trisha from the latest Sydney season was just excommunicated after shoving and slapping her darkest roommate, Parisa. Trisha then said that her family's religion (Christianity) was better than Parisa's family's religion (Islam). That was followed by her screaming to Parisa, "Go work out!"
After Trisha dropped the Christian beat-down (her Shock and Awe, if you will), Parisa asked that the Real World executives remove her. Trisha was pissed!
CONTINUED »
Exceptionally bored citizens nationwide are storming to the Internets to decry Details magazine's funny decision to highlight Kevin Federline in its latest countdown of influential men.
Details magazine has named December '07 cover model Kevin Federline one of the 50 most influential men (in America? The world?) under 45. While Details' editorial staff have clearly overestimated their ability to bullshit, one would think their accountants could have been a grounding force and reminded them that the numbers don't lie: Last time Federline made the mag's cover (March 2005), it was the second worst-selling issue of the year. (Edged out of first only by the misguided 40 Most Powerful, Strong, Clean, White Men Under 40 issue.)
• Only three months until Black History Month! [DListed]
• Yet another contest to win a hasty marriage. (Void where gay) [PS]
• Everyone knows FHM has basically become an environmentally unsound and costly naughty Google Image Search, right? [HT]
• It's time again for Oprah's Favorite Things show, in which she gifts tons of goods given to her show because of the invaluable free advertising it offers. [INO]
• The family that sleeps with one another's spouses… [ICYDK]
• Paris Hilton accomplishing nothing. [Yeeeah]
• If you've not seen Techno Viking, you owe it to yourself to finally worship at the feet of this party pillar. [CityRag]
New allegations claim that clubgoer Kevin Federline carefully orchestrated his relationship with – and divorce from – the dupeable Britney Spears in order to extract from her lots and lots of real money.
He allegedly took advantage of her volatile temper after the pair had a Halloween 2006 argument. Four days later, she announced that she was petitioning to end their two-year marriage. She told [former hair dresser Kalie] Machado this was an attempt to demonstrate her anger to Federline [but that] she had no desire to go through with a divorce. However, [Kevin] refused to take her back. “She stood up for herself and it kind of backfired. (It) was what Kevin really wanted,” Machado said.
'Tis what one gets when one "Dance[s] With a Pimp."
Editor
